Fellatio and Mitt Romney
“Hey you! What’s your problem?”
Me? I don’t have a problem. What’s your problem?
“Me? I used to be famous! But you? You’re just a cocksucker.”
“Yes! You’re just a plain old cocksucker. But me? I used to be famous! Bitch!”
You see, my problem is that I make eye contact. I’m an eye contact guy. I look people in the eyes. If I shake your hand, you better believe that I’m going to maintain eye contact. It doesn’t matter if you’re older, younger, uglier, hotter, dumber, richer, or whatever than me. I look you in the eyes. Everyone deserves the respect of a firm handshake and a complimentary flash of my beautiful Guatemalan eyes.
Sometimes, however, I get penalized for this. Today, I was informed of his past fortunes and reminded of my fictitious fellatious past.
Is that a word? Fellatious? My Microsoft Word is saying that it’s not a word. I guess Bill Gates doesn’t want people who have regular acts of fellatio to be described. Is Bill Gates a prude?
Speaking of prude, I am, for some odd reason, on the mailing list for Mitt Romney, a presidential candidate in the United States. This troubles me. Right after getting called an un-famous cocksucker, I get a request for money from one of the most conservative presidential candidates out there. This troubles me. It bothers me and annoys me on several levels.
One of the main things that bothered me is that I actually took the time to read his four page request for money. He spent about a page and a half talking about how he’s against same sex marriage. Why is it that politicians care so deeply about what people are doing behind closed doors? Why does Mitt Romney care? From what I know, gay people don’t recruit. If they find out that you’re not gay, they leave you alone. Mitt Romney, he recruits. He’s Mormon. Mormons are the biggest recruiters out there. I’m against the recruiting.
Religion, like love, is something personal. People shouldn’t be bothered by either. To actually take the time to ask for money while saying that some people shouldn’t be able to get married bothered me.
Mr. Romney, next time you send me a letter, please do me a favor: Send it on softer paper because I’d like to use it for one more thing before it becomes refuse. It’s recycling after all. You believe in that, right?