El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Monday, May 14, 2007

Fellatio and Mitt Romney

“Hey you! What’s your problem?”

Me? I don’t have a problem. What’s your problem?

“Me? I used to be famous! But you? You’re just a cocksucker.”

Oh yes?

“Yes! You’re just a plain old cocksucker. But me? I used to be famous! Bitch!”

You see, my problem is that I make eye contact. I’m an eye contact guy. I look people in the eyes. If I shake your hand, you better believe that I’m going to maintain eye contact. It doesn’t matter if you’re older, younger, uglier, hotter, dumber, richer, or whatever than me. I look you in the eyes. Everyone deserves the respect of a firm handshake and a complimentary flash of my beautiful Guatemalan eyes.

Sometimes, however, I get penalized for this. Today, I was informed of his past fortunes and reminded of my fictitious fellatious past.

Is that a word? Fellatious? My Microsoft Word is saying that it’s not a word. I guess Bill Gates doesn’t want people who have regular acts of fellatio to be described. Is Bill Gates a prude?

Speaking of prude, I am, for some odd reason, on the mailing list for Mitt Romney, a presidential candidate in the United States. This troubles me. Right after getting called an un-famous cocksucker, I get a request for money from one of the most conservative presidential candidates out there. This troubles me. It bothers me and annoys me on several levels.

One of the main things that bothered me is that I actually took the time to read his four page request for money. He spent about a page and a half talking about how he’s against same sex marriage. Why is it that politicians care so deeply about what people are doing behind closed doors? Why does Mitt Romney care? From what I know, gay people don’t recruit. If they find out that you’re not gay, they leave you alone. Mitt Romney, he recruits. He’s Mormon. Mormons are the biggest recruiters out there. I’m against the recruiting.

Religion, like love, is something personal. People shouldn’t be bothered by either. To actually take the time to ask for money while saying that some people shouldn’t be able to get married bothered me.

Mr. Romney, next time you send me a letter, please do me a favor: Send it on softer paper because I’d like to use it for one more thing before it becomes refuse. It’s recycling after all. You believe in that, right?

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

12 Comments:

At 2:58 AM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I tried typing Fellatious into Google just now but it asked me:

Did you mean: Fallacious?

Which means something quite different, although could equally be applied to Mitt Romney or any other politician

 
At 3:10 AM, Blogger Avra said...

Hi El Guapo,
I love reading your stories and would like to add your blog to my blogrolls.I've been informed that I actually don't need to ask, but my mom said it's always polite to do so.Thanks!

 
At 12:09 PM, Blogger Some Catchy Chic said...

HAHA. I'm impressed that you took the time to read that four page request for money. I would have most definitely deleted it on the spot.

 
At 12:28 PM, Anonymous girl and dog said...

Well put!!! I wonder if Romney would take the time to read this blog entry.

 
At 12:37 PM, Anonymous Bob said...

So, El Guapo, aren't you going to tell us the name of the formerly famous person who called you a nasty name?

 
At 3:16 PM, Blogger -P said...

Oh, Mitt Romney. Thank goodness we got rid of that fellacious prig and his special Mormon underpants. Did you know that when he was our governor, he actually liked gay people? And sent out a Happy Pride Day flyer?

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger Phil said...

You have to love his name, though.

You have to wonder if the nurse mis-typed "Matt", or their parents were fond of baseball gloves.

 
At 5:24 PM, Blogger Lee said...

Nicely written. You should send your post to his office.

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

Mitt's worth about $400 million (I'm not kidding). You should be asking him for money.

 
At 1:28 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

There's a word for someone who tells you they "used to be famous": pendejo.

Love the blog.

 
At 6:55 PM, Blogger valiantqueen said...

I too am strongly against recruiters! Here here!

 
At 6:56 PM, Blogger valiantqueen said...

OMG! I'm a teacher!!! I meant "hear, hear!" Egads--it's been a long day!

 

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