El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Thursday, July 19, 2007


Mi madre loves to laugh. She has a loud, deep from the belly laugh that puts you in a good mood. When she finds something funny, you can hear it three blocks down the street.

She has a very good sense of humor, not like mine, a motherly sense of humor. She can still appreciate things that most find funny, but if something is crude, she presses her lips together in a half-smile and shakes her head.

One thing, ay, one thing that she doesn’t laugh at is anything to do with Jesus. Me, I can make Jesus jokes. I’m ok with that. I figure that Jesus would have a good sense of humor about himself. If I were hanging out with Jesus, I may make a joke about the holes in his hands. Not making fun of him, but more like a friendly poke. Not a poke in his side, but you know what I’m talking about. Just kidding around. Kind of like you would make fun of a cowlick.

I asked mi madre who she thought would win in a slap war, Jesus or Abraham Lincoln. I thought it was a good question. She didn’t. I got a lecture about making silly jokes.

“El Guapo, I didn’t raise you to say things like that. How can you have a slappy war with the man who died for you?”

So, you think Jesus would win?

“I’m not going to answer that question. You shouldn’t ask me questions like that. It’s not right.”

Mi madre likes Jesus. One time, I dated a Jewish girl. When I came home, she had so many candles lit that the Russian cosmonauts could see her house from space. Then mi madre told her neighbors and they all had candles. The fire marshall had to speak to me about my dating habits because it was turning into a fire hazard.

Mama, Jesus wasn’t a Christian. What if his name was Bob? Would we then just be Bobbish?

“El Guapo, what a thing to say! How can you say that?”

I’m just saying, if his name were Bob, then you would be Bobbish. He was Bob AND Jewish. So, you would be Bobbish. Makes sense.

“El Guapo, sometimes I wonder what I did wrong with you. I don’t know what goes on in that head of yours. I’m going to light a candle.”

So many candles… The candle makers are sending their kids through Harvard, many times over, because of mi madre.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 1:26 AM, Blogger Ellis said...

Great post! I remember once my dad told a bunch of Mormons who showed up at our door that we followed Bob and asked if they wanted to come to our weekly meetings. The quickly left and never came back. It was wonderful.

At 2:49 AM, Blogger valiantqueen said...

"Not making fun of him, but more like a friendly poke. Not a poke in his side, but you know what I’m talking about."

This is where my little catholic self laughed out loud--like your madre. My neighbours could here it throughout my complex. It is 1:00 AM! Thanks EG! xxoo

At 6:40 AM, Blogger EsLocura said...

did she have an "altar", my mom did con todos los santos, it was there she lit candles for everyone one of us as well as for all the dead relatives.

At 9:04 AM, Blogger ADW said...

Maybe they can see your madre's casa from outer space. Wouldn't that be neat. Plus if Jesus doesn't have a sense of humor.... well I am totally screwed. Seriously. Oh crap. I gotta go pray.

At 11:56 AM, Anonymous Bob said...

I accept the worship which you so rightfully offer. Bobbish's most holy sacrament is reserved for women and is known as the "Rite of the Holy Couch Fee." It will only be administered to those females judged worthy.

At 2:20 PM, Anonymous angela said...

haha this post made me realize how many friends i have named "Bob" and how horrifying it would be to have to worship any of them.


At 3:20 PM, Anonymous Lobsterclaw said...

On the subject of slap wars, you can find a great game here that is, as far as I can tell, a gigantic set of slap wars between random women.

I'm sure there's some sort of deep, thought-provoking plot that I'm missing out on because I can't read Japanese, but... slap wars. 'Nuff said.

At 7:53 PM, Anonymous Debby said...

It's amazing but I can see a picture of your mother in my mind just from your words ... you are a very lucky man

At 11:34 AM, Blogger Melanie said...

A great sense of humor you have. I love the imagery of the candles, I have known women like your madre.


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