Song sent by God
I saw a beautiful woman today. She had shoulder length blonde hair, 5’4 frame, cute feet with unpainted, manicured toes and some kind of straw heels. She had a quiet swagger. The type that people have when they were told they were beautiful, but long ago.
We made eye contact at a corner and later down the block she slowed down and made more eye contact with me. She had beautiful green/blue eyes. The kind that I could look into for a while. The kind that if looked into long enough, you could see someone’s soul.
I did nothing.
It was strange. For a moment, we were walking side by side, each of us looking to the side with our eyes only, but not saying anything. As the man, I should have been the one to say something. Something good, not too tried, but witty. As if this moment were written by Jesus Christo himself, a car drove by with the song “You’re Beautiful” blaring. The windows were down in an unbearable heat, but whatever power that controls mi vida made it so that this song was playing.
I did nothing. Nada. Absolutamiente nada.
Why? What the hell is happening to me? Why am I being like this?
Lately, I have been different. Afraid. Not myself.
If one did not know me well, you would think nothing different, but there is. I feel it. I’m afraid of getting back there.
Don’t get me wrong. I’ve thrown myself out there and there have been women who take me, but I’m not ready. I wish I could be like some of mis amigos. I wish I could have a different woman in my bed every night. I wish I could delete names from my phone every day. I wish that I didn’t have a conscience. I wish so many things so that I could get through each day easier, but no.
I’m afraid of love. I’m afraid of vulnerability. I’m afraid of having mi corazon broken yet again. I’m afraid to trust. I’m afraid of so many things that it makes me feel un-Guatemalan.
Where are you? Where is the woman who will make me trust again? Where is the woman who will make me feel at ease again?
I feel pathetic. I feel alone. I feel, for the first time in mi vida, un-Guapo…
To the woman on the street, I hope our paths cross again. You are, by the way, beautiful. I wish I had a chance to tell you that.