How are you? I feel like we don’t really talk anymore. We shouldn’t go so long without chatting. Really. En serio. It’s like you’re avoiding me.
What’s that? I say not so nice things about you? You’re right. Lo siento. Really, I’m very sorry. Sometimes, it’s just so easy to make fun of you that I black out. Then, when I wake up and start making fun of you again, I realize that it’s wrong.
So, I’m going to say something nice about you. Your women. I like them very much. Please keep sending them to DC. I will continue to take care of them. Your women are the chief Argentinean export to my bed.
What else? Your wine! Well, in truth, I’ve never tried it because I have never done anything that would in any way, shape, or form help your economy. Again, I’m sorry. I may have once said something along the lines of wanting to drink the blood of a bat than your wine, but I’m turning a new leaf. I hear your wine is very good. I hear it’s one of your growing exports.
Your whine is also a great export of yours. Every time I’m around an Argentine, I hear a glorious whine… Joder! I was being so nice to you. I didn’t even say anything about your greasy, long hair worn by your men. Joder! Again.
Ok, here goes again. So, how was your Sunday? Go to church to confess your arrogance, I mean general non-Argentine arrogant sins? My Sunday was good. I was outside for most of the day then I went to a bar to watch a soccer game. Did you watch this soccer game? You must have. You were in it. I believe that you were playing Brazil.
Did you catch the score? No? Oh, good thing I watched it. You lost 3-0 to Brazil’s team. The same team that didn’t have several of its stars playing. You could actually say that this was Brazil’s B team. But yes, you lost. Again. No penalty kicks this time. You were simply dominated.
What’s that? Guatemala’s team? No. Our team wasn’t in this tournament. In truth, it’s not really fair for you to compare Argentina with Guatemala. We are a small and poor country. Most of our men are out in the fields or in the United States working. Soccer has unfortunately been a luxury that we haven’t been able enjoy as much.
You know what? I’m sorry Argentina. I can’t be nice to you. Every time I try, I have little pieces of pupusa coming back into my mouth. Seeing you lose is one of my favorite pastimes. I’m actually planning a vacation in the Falkland Islands to prove this point.
Use your sleeves to dry the tears. I hear they work well.