El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Sunday, July 15, 2007

Dear Argentina

Dear Argentina,

How are you? I feel like we don’t really talk anymore. We shouldn’t go so long without chatting. Really. En serio. It’s like you’re avoiding me.

What’s that? I say not so nice things about you? You’re right. Lo siento. Really, I’m very sorry. Sometimes, it’s just so easy to make fun of you that I black out. Then, when I wake up and start making fun of you again, I realize that it’s wrong.

So, I’m going to say something nice about you. Your women. I like them very much. Please keep sending them to DC. I will continue to take care of them. Your women are the chief Argentinean export to my bed.

What else? Your wine! Well, in truth, I’ve never tried it because I have never done anything that would in any way, shape, or form help your economy. Again, I’m sorry. I may have once said something along the lines of wanting to drink the blood of a bat than your wine, but I’m turning a new leaf. I hear your wine is very good. I hear it’s one of your growing exports.

Your whine is also a great export of yours. Every time I’m around an Argentine, I hear a glorious whine… Joder! I was being so nice to you. I didn’t even say anything about your greasy, long hair worn by your men. Joder! Again.

Ok, here goes again. So, how was your Sunday? Go to church to confess your arrogance, I mean general non-Argentine arrogant sins? My Sunday was good. I was outside for most of the day then I went to a bar to watch a soccer game. Did you watch this soccer game? You must have. You were in it. I believe that you were playing Brazil.

Did you catch the score? No? Oh, good thing I watched it. You lost 3-0 to Brazil’s team. The same team that didn’t have several of its stars playing. You could actually say that this was Brazil’s B team. But yes, you lost. Again. No penalty kicks this time. You were simply dominated.

What’s that? Guatemala’s team? No. Our team wasn’t in this tournament. In truth, it’s not really fair for you to compare Argentina with Guatemala. We are a small and poor country. Most of our men are out in the fields or in the United States working. Soccer has unfortunately been a luxury that we haven’t been able enjoy as much.

You know what? I’m sorry Argentina. I can’t be nice to you. Every time I try, I have little pieces of pupusa coming back into my mouth. Seeing you lose is one of my favorite pastimes. I’m actually planning a vacation in the Falkland Islands to prove this point.

Use your sleeves to dry the tears. I hear they work well.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

12 Comments:

At 8:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Brilliant Brilliant example of a
"GLORIOUS WHINE...JODER!" And
Clever. The "greasy, long hair worn by your men. Joder!" a little cheap, but considering your dolor, forgiven.
New to your spot, but always a smile.
Thanks, keep it up!
DistantHowl

 
At 10:17 PM, Blogger Alberto said...

That really wasn't much of a game. This Honduran felt a little bit of pity for poor Argentina. Auto-goals can't feel good...especially idiotic ones like that. Btw, the blog is great.

 
At 6:03 AM, Blogger E :) said...

Have fun in the Falklands. LOL!

 
At 6:30 AM, Blogger Little sausage said...

No sabias? Tu Mama es Argentina!

 
At 11:43 AM, Anonymous Bob said...

Las MALVINAS son NUESTRAS AHORA Y SIEMPRE!

I say that on behalf of whatever outraged Argintinean eventually wanders across this entry. ArJewTino, I'm looking at you.....

 
At 12:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

as soon as the game ended i KNEW a post like this was on its way by El Guapo.

ya Argentina got dominated but they are still a WORLD CLASS soccer club and on the soccer field ANYTHING can happen....don't get me wrong I love Brazil but lest not forget who won the Olympic gold in both soccer / basketball. You gotta give them props for that, especially in basketball, they are LIGHT years ahead of everyone else in south america.
I doubt more then 4 people in Guatemala even know what basketball is. Its probably too expensive lol for them to take up as pathetic as that sounds but I mean u cant really fashion a basketball out of garbage bags now can u.Ah too bad you won't visit Argentina El Guapo, its a ridiculously beautiful place, wealthy Americans are climbing over each other to purchase 100s of acres of land there cause of its value / natural appeal.

 
At 12:59 PM, Blogger ADW said...

Soccer??? What is this soccer and why are we talking about it? I prefer your fabulous subject of mustaches.

But you did complement them on their women, so apparently this is the nice side of El Guapo.

 
At 6:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

As a Latino, I am acutely aware of the perception of Argentinos and their arrogance. However, it's critical to point out that most of the country can't stand the people from Buenos Aires either and think they're assholes. People from the provinces are very different and down to earth. Kind of how you can't generalize about people in the U.S. based on the fact that most people from New York City are assholes.

 
At 7:44 PM, Anonymous David M said...

Being a latino myself, I agree with you El Guapo. All Argentenians I've encountered are nothing but arrogant. Your post was kind of harsh though.. still liked it though!

 
At 10:45 AM, Blogger inowpronounceyou said...

Poor AJT. I know he was looking forward to this match...

 
At 12:46 PM, Blogger Andrew said...

El Guapo,
We have an emergency. My friend has been walking past the Argentinian Embassy one too many times, and their poisonous gases have begun to infect her mind. She's falling for an Argentinian. Please help.

http://bythewaybetch.blogspot.com/

Aye Dios Mio...

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger vamos argentina!! said...

dont criticize ARGENTINA for being at QUARTER FINALS!!!!!!!!!!!

YOU ALL ARE SO CELOUS! JUST ADMIT IT!

everyone who criticize countrys which are almost at the finals are the first thing to hate about you all.

dont you just accept the fact that we THE ARGENTINIANS have a GREAT FOOTBALL TEAM!!!!!!!???????

please, people who criticize us are so inmature, and i cant believe it.

you are a kid

 

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