El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Wednesday, June 20, 2007


When we were growing up, there wasn’t a lot of money for the extras. But as kids, we never really knew the difference. You can’t miss what you don’t have and don’t see. So, as any group of neighborhood kids do, we made our own fun without the use of the usual store bought toys.

When we were around 12 years old we would often have the conversations common among boys of our age:

“I bet my cousin Manny could kick your dad’s ass.” “Would you have sex with your sister for one million dollars?” “Do you think Mrs. Kraft (choir teacher) wants me?”

And you get the idea. We would sit around for hours discussing the most ridiculous scenarios and argue vehemently one side or the other. It was great times.

However, the BEST game that we have ever come up with, and likely ever will, was SLAP WARS.

The idea of a Slap War is simple. There are two participants. It is decided who goes first. Bets are made on who will last longer. The two participants then open hand slap the other across the face as hard as they can, one at a time. The person who doesn’t quit wins.

It is fantastico.

There are just a couple of rules:

1. Slaps must be done with an open hand. No back-handed slaps. No fists. SLAP WAR is a fun game. Not a fight.
2. You can’t switch sides of the face you are hitting. If you start with the right side, you must finish with the right side.
3. Slaps must be administered to one side of the face. No side slapping, ie, no slaps that also hit the nose. This is a friendly game of slap war.

I once saw a Slap War go on for almost an hour. You would think that the face is the only thing that hurts in a slap war, but your hand becomes extremely sore after several slaps. It is a game that requires the participants to be very calculating in how begin and finish the war. If you start off too hard you run the risk of hurting your hand, but also can put your opponent in pain.

To this day, when we are randomly sitting around, you will hear one of us say,

“Who do you think would win in a slap war? George Bush or Bill Clinton?” “Maradona or Ronaldo?” “Marion Barry or Adrian Fenty?” “Ronald McDonald or the Hamburgler?” “Tom Selleck or Erik Estrada?” “Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan?” “Daddy Yankee or Mace?” “Crocodile Dundee or the Crocodile Hunter?”

You get the picture. Hours of fun are Slap Wars. Watching, participating or discussing. BEST GAME EVER.

Any match ups you envision?

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 4:43 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

oh, mios dios! that was hilarious. my kids are wondering why i'm laughing so hard . . .

rosie odenell versus newt gingrich
hillary clinto vs a young margaret thatcher

At 4:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Nick Nolte vs. Gary Busey

At 9:08 PM, Blogger casey said...

Well, I can think of the obvious ones:
Barack Obama vs Hillary Clinton
Bloomberg vs Giuliani
O'Reilly vs Colbert
Jesus vs Mohammed

At 11:27 PM, Blogger E :) said...

Oprah or Donahue?
Sandra Day O'Connor or Harriet Miers?
Ron Hubbard or David Koresh?
(Can we resurrect people?)
Adam Smith or Karl Marx?
Queen Elizabeth I or Queen Elizabeth II?
Dolly Parton or Pamela Anderson?
Barry Bonds or Any East German Athlete?

That's it... For now...

At 12:16 AM, Blogger Gaz said...

Mmmm, now THATS an interesting question....who would I like to see? How about a certain moustached Guatamalen and his amigo, Miguel?

I think that would be VERY interesting to watch....a bit like fight club, no? :0)

At 6:24 AM, Blogger Little sausage said...

Jack Bauer vs Chuck Norris?

At 7:38 AM, Anonymous Sam said...

Jimmy Fallon vs Adam Sandler

At 9:13 AM, Blogger anna said...

Dick Cheney v. Donald Rumsfeld

At 11:48 AM, Anonymous Katie said...

I would like to see:
Rosie O'Donnell VS Donald Trump
Barney VS The Teletubbies

At 12:43 PM, Blogger ADW said...

I forgot about the slap wars. That's hilarious.

At 12:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

“Marion Barry or Adrian Fenty?”
Fenty. Hands down. That guy is such a mover-and-shaker, he don't have time for coke snortin' shit. Besides, after one slap, Marion Barry would say that Fenty slapped him because he's black and that's why he was speeding and why his drug test came back positive for cocaine.

“Ronald McDonald or the Hamburgler?”
Ronald. He can't feel it through all the makeup. And besides, the Hamburgler would run off to steal all the burgers after the first slap.

“Tom Selleck or Erik Estrada?”
Tom Selleck has a moustache. 'Nough said.

“Paris Hilton or Lindsay Lohan?”
Lindsay seems like a tough one. Also, she's probably so hopped up on drugs, she can't feel a thing! And Paris is a little whiner.

“Daddy Yankee or Mace?”
I work in a record/movie store and for some reason, there is a Daddy Yankee CD in every section- I'll even find them shoved in Disney DVDs. So, because I now dislike Daddy Yankke, I vote Mace.

“Crocodile Dundee or the Crocodile Hunter?"
This one is tough. I think the Slap Fight would go on for days, and then a crocodile would appear, they'd both go off and fight it and totally forget about the Slap Fight.

Mickey Mouse v. Minnie Mouse
Hugo Chavez v. George Bush
Paul McCartney v. Yoko Ono
Zorro v. Robin Hood
Britney v. Christina

And so on.

At 2:33 AM, Blogger Mujer Morena said...

The Dread Pirate Roberts vs Jack Sparrow

Shakira vs Beyonce

50 cent vs LL Cool J

At 2:11 PM, Blogger savannah said...

lmbo here! i'd forgotten about slap wars...some good ones listed, too..

queen latifah v condi rice

boggles the mind

At 1:49 AM, Blogger Burlas said...

This comment has been removed by the author.

At 1:52 AM, Blogger Burlas said...

i'd never been into that kind of games.
but i am interested to give a try of it..

thanks for this awesome post..

Neuse River North Carolina


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