“So, what do you think?”
“It looks great! Get it and let’s go.”
“Yeah… I like it too, but does it make my ass look too big?”
I was dragged to Saks by my newly 18 year-old hermanita for her birthday present when I overheard this conversation. Normally I find a corner with the purse I am being forced to carry and cower in fear. I cower because I know my eyes will be forced to see and my mouth will be forced to speak opinions over perfectly similar outfits. However, today, I wanted to wander.
My eyes wandered to places they hadn’t in a while. My eyes liked what they saw. I never realized how many blondes there were in DC. So many blondes with ten pound diamonds on their hands. Saks… My eyes thank you.
El Guapo felt like he was in a flan specialty shop with all the sweet things around. It was truly a marvel.
Then, then I heard that conversation. Make your ass look too big? What? Too big? I, I don’t understand. Too big?
American women, no, lo siento, women, women of the world. Por favor. Too big? Mira, I get bumps on my skin when I think that there are women out there ashamed of culos. In the eyes, mind and heart of this Guatemalan, there is no such thing as too big.
Too small! That is what you should be uttering. You should worry about your culo looking too small, not too big. If you have the ass, own it. That’s your ass hermana. Jesus Christ gave you that ass. Let the world know that you’ve arrived. And if you knock them over with your backside, so be it.
I love curves. And when a woman walks into a room loving her curves, I fall in love with them. Just a little bit.
Hi. May I? You, mi amor, look amazing. Amazing. Ninety-five percent of the women in the world would dream to have a behind like yours. You should never be ashamed. Yours, bueno, yours is perfect. Just perfect.
Both women smiled uncomfortable smiles as I walked away. I was not looking for a response. I was just spreading the gospel.
“Great. Guys with mustaches are going to think I look good.”
“HOT, guys with mustaches. Latin guys dig your booty! That’s a compliment!”
You better believe it’s a compliment.