El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Wednesday, February 28, 2007

Behind Compliment

“So, what do you think?”

“It looks great! Get it and let’s go.”

“Yeah… I like it too, but does it make my ass look too big?”

I was dragged to Saks by my newly 18 year-old hermanita for her birthday present when I overheard this conversation. Normally I find a corner with the purse I am being forced to carry and cower in fear. I cower because I know my eyes will be forced to see and my mouth will be forced to speak opinions over perfectly similar outfits. However, today, I wanted to wander.

My eyes wandered to places they hadn’t in a while. My eyes liked what they saw. I never realized how many blondes there were in DC. So many blondes with ten pound diamonds on their hands. Saks… My eyes thank you.

El Guapo felt like he was in a flan specialty shop with all the sweet things around. It was truly a marvel.

Then, then I heard that conversation. Make your ass look too big? What? Too big? I, I don’t understand. Too big?

American women, no, lo siento, women, women of the world. Por favor. Too big? Mira, I get bumps on my skin when I think that there are women out there ashamed of culos. In the eyes, mind and heart of this Guatemalan, there is no such thing as too big.

Too small! That is what you should be uttering. You should worry about your culo looking too small, not too big. If you have the ass, own it. That’s your ass hermana. Jesus Christ gave you that ass. Let the world know that you’ve arrived. And if you knock them over with your backside, so be it.

I love curves. And when a woman walks into a room loving her curves, I fall in love with them. Just a little bit.

Hi. May I? You, mi amor, look amazing. Amazing. Ninety-five percent of the women in the world would dream to have a behind like yours. You should never be ashamed. Yours, bueno, yours is perfect. Just perfect.

Both women smiled uncomfortable smiles as I walked away. I was not looking for a response. I was just spreading the gospel.

“Great. Guys with mustaches are going to think I look good.”

“HOT, guys with mustaches. Latin guys dig your booty! That’s a compliment!”

You better believe it’s a compliment.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

9 Comments:

At 9:51 PM, Blogger Dirkey said...

ha ha thats awesome El Guapo, I wish you went clothes shopping with me!

 
At 9:56 PM, Blogger La Cubana Gringa said...

I have been TRYING to tell all these gringas about the importance of the culo ALL along. They just don't believe me...even when I unintentionally knock something over with mine. It's got a mind of it's own, I swear...

 
At 4:01 AM, Blogger emeralda said...

oh yes, i spread the gospel right with you. i can't believe it! i remember how appalled and shocked my girlfriends reacted when a dude commented once on my butt. oh my GOOOOD , how could he say such a thing! they whispered, you really don't have a big butt, emeralda, don't you worry.

i looked sadly down, twisting my head, shaking my head, i was like, oh, that was a COMPLIMENT you bitches and sadly, sure, you're right, it's not big and that's bad.

not big enough.

crazy, why in the world would any women nowadays think a butt is too big? i mean, with all those gorgeous videos of booty shaking in your face. i mean, it has to be good for SOMETHING at least, no???

 
At 4:11 AM, Blogger Namaste said...

bueno. sin duda, ass men are good men. a mustachioed man who appreciates the female form clearly has refined style and taste.

namaste (and her culo) approve...and need to write a post on this, too. hmmm...

 
At 1:46 PM, Blogger doris day said...

amen!

 
At 9:15 PM, Anonymous Melissa said...

El Guapo: Providing hope for big bottomed women throughout the DC Metro area...

 
At 1:58 PM, Anonymous aaliyah said...

Oh El Guapo! Where are you when I shop?? Cause I have culo for days! Long live El Guapo!

 
At 12:14 PM, Blogger Fabulously Broke in the City said...

I WISH I had a butt. My jeans and pants don't fit as well because my butt is so damn flat. But I guess I better be grateful for whatever I have, because there are a ton of women out there who are ready to beat me to death for wishing I had a larger butt..

maybe not so much larger, but rounder and curvier..

 
At 4:11 PM, Blogger Mary Witzl said...

Don't just tell this to a couple of ladies in a clothes shop -- shout it from the tallest steeple! Put it on the front pages of the newspapers! Spread it around Congress! In fact, that last one is a good idea: I reckon we need new legislation on this.

 

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