El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Sunday, February 11, 2007

Jam in New England

“El Guapo, yet gain, you are being an idiota. Un grande idiota.”

Look, I disagree with you. Yet again.

“Men can not be friends with women. I saw it on Sabado Gigante and know from personal experiences.”

I just don’t agree. Lo siento. I think you are able to be friends with women.

“If you are ugly, maybe. MAYBE, but you always have the sex on the mind. The Sex, El Guapo, as you know, gets in the way. How many female friends do you have? Not the ‘hello, how are you’ friends. I am talking about friends that you hang out with often. The kinds that you talk, cry and drink with? How many?”

“Exactamente! Not one. You may have had female friends while dating, but after you stopped dating, you stopped seeing them as much. They are your acquaintances. They are not your friends.”


“Interesante is right! There are men out there, who are the friends of females. Every man in the world has had run ins with this type of man.” They are the type of man who hang on every word your girlfriend is saying, laughs at all of her jokes and always seems to be around when you are trying to have a night out with your woman. This is the man who is feminine enough to make you wonder about him, but you get yelled at if you ever bring it up. He is the type of guy who annoys you, but, out of pure pride, you are unable to actually get jealous of him. Because he has glasses, can’t kick a soccer ball to save his life, is allergic to animals and is likely lactose intolerant. We have all experienced this guy.”

Mi amigo, through his rant, was right. I was indeed familiar with this guy. Well, some derivation of this guy, throughout mi vida.

“Remember that waitress I dated from the fancy seafood restaurant? Remember that little manager that was always around? The one with the bad hair and horrible taste in clothes? The one that made every man pray that his son would grow up to be the complete opposite of him? I am serious. I have lit candles to ensure my sperm is unable to make something like him. Do not laugh. Bueno, about three weeks after I broke up with the waitress, he got down on one knee and declared his undying love for her. Pathetic, really. And you know what? The waitress bought into it. They dated and everything. It drove me crazy at the time because I always saw it coming. But, it just made me laugh.”

Are they still together?

“No El Guapo! He is married to some guy named Richard and sells jam in New England somewhere, but that is not the point. The point, is that every man who is physically attracted to a woman, and probably vice-versa, is unable to have a true friendship. And trust me, since I know nothing I talk about with you is sacred, and you will post this on the Internet, feel free to ask your readers. Every single one of them has someone that is just lurking in the corners waiting to pounce on their “waitress”. Ask them. They all have someone. But you know what? They will all end up selling jam out of a pastel-colored station wagon with some guy named Richard. Trust me!”

I am not so certain, but mi amigo had a point. I just pray and thank God that I am not, nor have I ever been a lurker. Jam…Richard...New England... I love Miguel.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 2:53 PM, Blogger Lee said...

When I was younger, I was insistent that men and women could be friends. Years of experience later have changed my mind. I think that certain men and women can indeed feel like brother and sister and escape the sexual tension, BUT, the problem lies with the girlfriend/wife or boyfriend/husband of the person in the platonic male/female friendship. My boyfriends were never able to be completely comfortable with my friends who were men, especially when we went out drinking together. Likewise, it is hard to imagine a woman who would enjoy her husband going off to see a movie or dinner or any other "friend" activities with another female. You know what I mean? Even if it completely innocent, most people harbor at least a slight insecurity.

At 3:19 PM, Blogger Mujer Morena said...

It is true. Men and women can not have platonic relationships unless there is ugliness or homosexuality involved. I learned the hard way.

At 4:56 PM, Blogger E :) said...

Oh dude. You just described a good male friend of mine (who is a great friend but often very annoying) perfectly. Glasses, allergic to everything, hangs around ALL THE TIME etc. Everything you said is accurate. Bizarre. He's latino though, so maybe that has something to do with your psychic powers?

At 5:12 PM, Blogger C'est la vie!! said...

aah the things u can learn from SABADO GIGANTE...

it's totally possible to have girl friends....

At 5:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think you can be JUST friends AFTER you've had sex or something equally awkward situation with them that makes you both decide that "being" with one another is probably a bad idea. HOWEVER, even though you and your friend are platonic, there will always be that ITTYYY BITTY BIT of sexual tension between you two. I have male friends that I don't have any real interest in. However, when I'm around them, there's still that slight flirtation, that little bit of sexual uncertainty.

So, in conclusion: Yes, males and females can be platonic friends.


At 6:44 PM, Anonymous Seth said...

Si, es possible. Its quite easy to have female friends, provided you accept that no matter how much you think about having sex with them, it probably SHOULDN'T happen. I mean imagine waking up next to someone you'd considered a close friend....

Either way, awesome writing, as usual amigo. Perhaps you should apply for a Rudius Media website? Just a suggestion =D

At 7:56 PM, Blogger Rebecca said...

You put forth an interesting question, El Guapo. I recently decided that I should work on cultivating more frienships with guys because girls (obviously not all) are a bit too vindictive and backstabbing, or should I just say "complicated." It's been going really well. We connect over mutual interests, like biking and snowshoeing and rock climbing. Plus, I now live with three guys, and living with them automatically negates the possibility of anything sexual, because who needs that kind of drama?

So I'm going to go ahead and state the obvious here and say that it depends on the guy and on the girl. And guy-girl frienships are obviously different from guy-guy and girl-girl frienships, so you have to expect different things from them.

The real question is can you be friends with someone you've dated, because I'm trying that too, and so far, it seems a bit trickier.

At 8:04 PM, Blogger nia said...

Sure, male/female friendship exist, but there's always a one-way crush involved. Once the person who doesn't want the relationship makes it clear that it will not develop into anything more than a friendship, the person with the crush gets over it and it can become a great platonic relationship.

PS: I really like your blog - you're a lovely writer :)

At 8:12 PM, Blogger valiantqueen said...

I thought I had these "friendships" for years, but as soon as we all started getting married to people outside our circle of friends, we all dropped out. There was no more "two of us" going out for drinks or hanging around the house. The girlfriends and boyfriends were jealous. It wasn't worth it. And, perhaps, we didn't need each other anymore. Someone else was feeding our egos, and we let go of those we had held so close. Email keeps us in touch occasionally, but the plans to get together never materialize...until we all start to get divorced?

At 9:49 PM, Anonymous Judith in NYC said...

I don't know how things are for young people nowadays, but all my life (I am 57) I have had male friends, true buddies. Their wives trust me even though I have been single most of my life (except for a 5 yr marriage when I was in my 20s). AND I am not a lesbian and was always muy linda. I am not all girlie and flirtatious, though.

At 11:24 PM, Blogger always write said...

If you can briefly date someone and break up amicably, both of you wholly confident that you would never succeed as a couple, then the what-ifs are answered and you're free to be sexless friends.

It's like the birth of a star, or a planet: The big bang has to come first.

At 3:17 AM, Blogger emeralda said...

i've had it all happen:
-the guy who is your 'best friend' because he's got a crush on your best girlfriend (once it works out between them you are a DEAR friend of them but never get to see them much until yes, they get 'divorced' or broken up.)
- the guy who might be gay but is married and laughs at all the jokes and gosh it drove my boyfriend crazy when this dude would call to tell me his marriage problems. it flattered for about five minutes now i am happy i don't know where he is
- the guy who is so fat or so ugly or so small and AWARE of his zero chances who indeed can be a friend. boyfriends are all cool with that (my extremely jealous ex was okay with the one ugly guy in my school stating he was 'cool' as opposed to all the others. hahahaha) but there are a TON of ugly or far or small guys out there who for really strange reasons think they still can hit on me. WHAT THE FUCK are you stoneage men thinking????
- the guy who is my good friend because it is really clear from the start (from the first 'checking each other out' moment) that we'll never be an item but share either the job or a hobby/interest. those guys are most likely those you hang out together with your lover and his respective lover.

I am a desperate believer in man-female friendships but very aware of the fact that true friendships are rare. but you know what? they are rare among same-sexers too.
there are always a lot of different intentions woven into relationships and i don't understand why the sexual one should be standing out so much.
i can handle horny Chris very well and don't mind his advances because i can handle them and keep him in check. whatever. man, i still like to jam with him!

but to be honest, when i am with my boyfriend i don't want him to hang with other girls either. if i can come along yes. but all exclusive? only ONLY if it is a really old friend that i've hear the history of.

At 4:26 AM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

If you are happy in your relationship it is perfectly possible to have opposite sex friends because the sexual tension isn't there. If you are single, or unhappy in your relationship, then the sexual tension gets in the way.

I've always had more female friends than male, but it has always worked best when I've been in a relationship

At 10:43 AM, Anonymous aaliyah said...

I LOVE MIGUEL tambien! That guy is so funny. And I think that guys and girls can be friends. But from experience I know that once you or she get a new gf/bf that friendship will change. And being friends with an ex, in my opinion, is never a good idea.

At 11:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a single chick and my best friend is a married man. It is now and has always been 100% platonic. I'm good friends with his wife as well.

At 4:02 PM, Blogger The Rev said...

I've been friends with lots of women in my life.

Only two of them ever turned out to be a little more than friends. Neither one of those relationships lasted very long.

At 4:30 AM, Anonymous Blip said...

"I think you can be JUST friends AFTER you've had sex"

I agree with Anónimo, that is precisely my opinion. But the one exception is actually my best friend (for more than 15 years), who I just kissed but never went further. Bastante raro, lo sé...

At 7:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Miguel. I don't think I've ever had a close guy friend without having some sort of feelings for him that went beyond friendship (at least while I've been single).

At 8:50 AM, Blogger Fabulously Broke in the City said...

I am also desperately optimistic that men and women can be platonic friends, but I'd find it odd if I couldn't meet said girl friend of my fiance....And vice versa I think. That meeting with the fiance/fiancee/gf/bf may be the true test of whether the relationship is:

A) Truly platonic
B) A bit flirtatious to boost each others' egos (plenty of experience here)
C) You're emotionally cheating on your significant other

My only problem is my fiance is extremely jealous of ANY guy. Gay, straight, blue, pink, short, old, tall, fat, anorexic, young (although younger than me is not an issue for some reason :P)...as long as he's a male, he's jealous.


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