El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, February 13, 2007


“El Guapo, we must prepare. Tomorrow is a big night.”


“Do not play stupid with me El Guapo. You taught me about tomorrow. You were the one who walked me through the rules and the importance of tomorrow.”

What day is it tomorrow?

“Ay Santa Rosa! El Guapo, mira, por favor, please, pay attention to the words that are coming out of my mouth. You, need to find your cojones. I don’t know where you put them, where you left them, or who has them. Enough is enough. Tomorrow is a holiday. And you, mi amigo, are coming out with me.”

I’m not going out.

“Oh, but you are. You see, I am tired of your little cry for me Argentina attitude lately. Basta. You, tomorrow, are coming out with me. We are going to have a fun. If I see you grimace, make a smart ass comment or hang in the back of any room, I will kick you in the groin. Your groin will be kicked. Hard.”

Fine! Jesus Cristo! What day is tomorrow?

“You actually forgot. How sad. The famous El Guapo forgot about tomorrow. Tomorrow, mi mustached friend is Valentine’s Day. And we are going to make some new friends.”

I’m not going out tomorrow.

“Oh yes you are. Because your heart is broken. We’re going to use that. Because even though you are a pathetic little Guatemalan right now, there are going to be many many many gringas out tomorrow who feel empty inside. You are going to make them feel less empty. And I, bueno, I am going to be there for their friends. I am going to be there for every gringa who is sad. There is plenty of Miguel to go around.”

I’m not going out tomorrow.

“Oh yes you are. You are coming out tomorrow. I know your heart is broken. I know this. But I’m going to get you laid tomorrow. Because you don’t have no girl and you don’t have anything to do. Tomorrow you will smile. You will make a nice gringa smile. I am going to make a gringa smile. Hopefully I will make two smile at once, but there will be smiles. You are going to return to being my wing man. I have waited a long time to have you back. Tomorrow El Guapo returns.”

I’m not going out tomorrow.

He winked at me and walked out the door. I guess I am going out tomorrow. It can’t be that bad. I’m still not back.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 6:41 PM, Blogger you'dneverguess said...

Go out if for no other purpose than to laugh at the arguing couples, drunk hoochies who will inevitably be out, and to scoff at the general ridiculousness that is Valentine's Day. Have fun!

At 10:59 PM, Blogger valiantqueen said...

Pick up on V-Day??? Brilliant! Wish I had known--I'd be going out instead of hosting my annual Anti-Valentines Black Heart Bash! Best of luck, I look forward to hearing how you do.

At 11:19 PM, Blogger La Cubana Gringa said...

Easy there...with that mustache de amor! You may get more gringas than you might want! (If there is such a thing as too many.) Hope you have a little fun!

At 1:17 AM, Anonymous Miguel said...

You are going out today.

At 1:18 AM, Blogger Moxie said...

Speaking as a gringa whose milkshake brings all the papis to the yard, I say have fun. And have Miguel buy all your drinks.

At 5:00 AM, Blogger emeralda said...

i've been really trying not to think about it, until tonight, in the late night bus a guatemalan dude (no mustache, no worries) walked in with a huge bouquet flowers.
ah, yes, it made me sad.
i am a sad eyes gringa tomorrow!
ps i am not really sad, i am German and therefore have no idea what Valentine is about. love? what the hell? what is love? a mosaic made of broken hearts???

pps yes, miguel is buyiung the drinks, since he made the mistake to tell you you had a pussy. haha. the pussies get drinks for free, traditionally!!!!

At 12:34 PM, Anonymous Aaliyah said...

Happy Valentine's Day El Guapo! Go out and have some fun with Miguel! If nothing else, you will have some interesting stories to tell afterward. Suerte

At 1:32 PM, Anonymous Bob said...

Great idea. May I suggest that old standby, a homemade sign that reads "Mustache Rides, 1 cent?"

I hear that one always works, especially on valentines day.

At 2:08 PM, Blogger Law-Rah said...

If your friends force you to go out, at least TRY to have a good time. I personally, will be on my sofa with a bottle of red wine.

At 4:23 PM, Blogger Rev. Brandy said...

I hope that we run into you, El Guapo. I'll turn your frown upside down. Promise!

At 4:34 PM, Blogger Velvet said...

El Guapo - I'll make out with you! Come on. It will be fun!

Okay, seriously, you should go out because you will CLEAN UP on the girls.

At 7:30 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

God love Miguel and his "tough love" therapy :-). Listen, dance is the cure for just about everything. Go out and rock that dance floor, show those white boys how to get down! No matter what Miguel says, nothing makes a gringa happier than a guy who actually wants to dance. Plus, the endorphins will give you a natural high and make you feel better. Hang in there, chico! We're rooting for you.

At 3:34 AM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

So, did you go out tomorrow or not?

At 9:10 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

How did it go?

God bless Miguel.

At 9:51 PM, Blogger Pickled Olives said...

Sounds like you will have had an amazing time. I hope you got lucky more than once!

At 1:06 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Would you mind if I stole your "Mucho Amor" closing line?


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