El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Sunday, June 17, 2007

New Technique

A large group of mis amigos were at a bar yesterday when one of the most beautiful women I’ve ever seen sat two seats down from me. Her hair was dark and straight, her eyes were a faded blue and her lips were pouting for something. She wore a low-cut dress that made even me stare for a moment too long. She was gorgeous. If she told me to vote Republican, I’d actually think about it.

You may be thinking why I didn’t go up to her right away, but I couldn’t. You see, she had two guys with her. I quickly disliked them. One had the glazed eyes of a chipmunk and the other had a top lip struggling with his overbite.

It’s very hard to approach a woman when she is with two guy friends. The guy friends always have a dream that they’re going to fall in love with them and get offended when guys approach because ‘how dare the guy not assume that she’s with him’ type of thing. That’s where Miguel steps in.

“El Guapo. I see you looking the difficult situation here. Are you going to try to break the wall or stare the whole night?”

Miguel and I have discussed this conundrum on several occasions. By this point, lip quiver had noticed the attention his amiga was getting and was making unnecessary touches to ward us off. I’m Guatemalan baby, I can’t be shooed away so easily.

“El Guapo, tengo una idea. I’ve been thinking about this for some time. It is the ultimate wing-man approach and I’d like to try it out.”

This should be interesting.

“Do you know how women love gay guys? Women ask them to touch their butts, breasts and other things I probably don’t even know exist. Right? Well, what has NEVER been tried before, is to use a gay guy as a wing man.”

A gay guy as a wing man?

“Si. Pay attention. You have a gay guy. And you have the gay guy go up to a woman you’re interested in. Think about it. A gay guy can walk up to that woman and say in his gay voice, ‘Honey, listen. I’ve seen many breasts in my day, but yours, oh my, yours are just fabulous,” and that would be perfectly ok.”

Oh my.

“Si, pay attention. Then, the gay guy wing man introduces you as one of his best friends. Are you kidding me? It’s gold. A woman would love that you are comfortable enough with yourself to have a best friend who is gay.”

Miguel, that’s pretty good.

“Good? No. It’s genius. I am a genius. You are lucky to be around me. Tonight you should light a candle in my honor.”

What happened next was classic. Miguel told me that he owed me for being a good wing man, so he was going in. He dipped his fingers in his beer and spiked his hair with it. Interesante. Then, he walks right up to the woman and says, “Mi amor, ay, you, look, FABULOUS. Who made that dress? It looks perfect on you.”

And, well, that was that. No details, but I walked her home.

Miguel, the best wing man ever.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

12 Comments:

At 4:42 PM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Of course now you know it works, it's just a matter of time before Miguel asks you to return the favour.

That'll make an interesting blog :)

 
At 6:14 PM, Anonymous la cubana gringa said...

Absolutlely GENIUS! Playing on a woman's love of being told she looks fabulous by someone who is completely harmless...NICE!

 
At 9:08 PM, Blogger JoJo said...

Miguel is truly priceless.

 
At 10:48 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

Perfect. Absolutely perfect.

 
At 12:24 AM, Blogger Christopher Robin said...

That may be the best plan ever...until she wants to set Miguel up with a gay friend of hers ;) Either way, I have to hand it to him this time, that was brilliant!

 
At 10:52 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

pure class

 
At 5:36 PM, Anonymous ListenToLeon said...

NICE! Glad the plan worked to perfection

 
At 12:21 AM, Anonymous amica said...

hmmm...El Guapo, it sounds like you took a chapter out of "The Game" - that book is worth a read (for shits & giggles, if nothing else)

 
At 1:42 PM, Blogger Brave Astronaut said...

That is really, really funny.

Would that we all had wing men like Miguel.

 
At 2:02 PM, Blogger Kanani Fong said...

Shit, el guapo.
You have definitely shown everyone up. Or Miguel has. I don't know which.
Anyway, I need to borrow Miguel when I go get my hair done. I swear my hairdresser might not go so overboard with the color when he does my hair, if Miguel were there.

He needs cards: "Miguel --Gay Wing Man For Hire --Bars, Beauty Shops, Bloomingdales."

 
At 6:04 PM, Blogger Jenni said...

I LOVE IT.
probably best that he didn't go with the first line... but maybe that's just me..

I wonder.. would it work in reverse?? could YOU be Miguel's wing man??? I'm sure he'll come up with some way for you to return the favor!

 
At 2:04 PM, Blogger savannah said...

OMG! i could pictue it happening! miguel is pure gold! i'm with the pirate king/ole sleepy head kim...i want to hear how you return the favor, wing man!

 

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