Lacoste. Le Douche
The little alligator.
The brand had disappeared from my eyes until sometime in 2000 when the French decided to make it cool again in the United States.
I remember seeing the blonde haired, blue-eyed children wearing the shirts that were simply “a collared shirt with an alligator”, but were beyond mi madre’s budget. She once sewed a salamander type creature onto one of my shirts to make me feel better, but it didn’t. I wore it to make mi mama think that it was the same, but for it was hard to be the kid with the mutant reptile on his shirt.
I always wanted to be one of those perfect blonde haired kids, with their Osh-Kosh B’Gosh and the shoes that never seemed to be dirty.
Then I wanted to push them in the mud. Not a violent push. More like gently leading them into the mud.
Anyway, the Lacoste brand was always something that I associated with the elite of the world. As a simple Guatemalan with a mustache that makes the birds sing, I realized that some things were just not meant to be. But deep down, I wished to have some kind of a Lacoste collection.
But no more. No. Never again. Actually, I am really glad that I could never afford a Lacoste shirt because of this:
What is this? This, mis amigos, is Macy’s way of telling me, telling the world, that Lacoste is sooooo 2005. (Imagine Paris Hilton saying that)
Green hat + Alligator + Green collared shirt + Popped collar + Alligator =Douchiness.
Blue hat + Alligator + Blue collared shirt + Popped collar + Alligator = Douchiness.
Yellow hat + Alligator + Yellow collared shirt + Popped collar + Alligator = Douchiness.
Questions? It's very easy to explain:
Once something makes it to Macy’s you know that it stopped being cool and is just within my financial grasp when it makes its way to the TJ Maxx or Marshall’s (discount stores) of the world. Mira, I know that being Guatemalan is pretty much the most amazing thing one can be, but even I can admit that once the Guatemalans can begin affording to buy something, it's no longer cool.
Look at what happened to Tommy Hilfiger. It's now the brand of choice for all the crack dealers in mi barrio.
Just like that. Lacoste is done. It has now become a symbol of the American douche. Gracias Macy’s. Gracias for pointing out to me, what should have been so apparent long ago.