An idea

The other day I was writing about how the DC police don’t seem to care about brothels being open for business in Washington DC. Today, I’d like to talk about the drug problem.

Gringos don’t like to call it a problem. Especially since Washington DC citizens have no rights and is “overseen” by white people from all over the United States. The white people like to call our drug problem the “drug issue”. It’s an issue for them.

“Hombre, I have glass stuck to the bottoms of my boots! I keep stepping on the crack vials every time I go to throw my trash in the dumpsters. This is a fucking serious problem!”

“No, my brown colored friend. This is an issue. A real issue that needs to be addressed.”

I’ve always been a “half a pupusa left” kind of guy, so I look at the “issue” of drugs in Washington DC in a positive light. Let’s break it down:

Q: What is the most popular drug in Washington DC?
A: Crack.
Q: What does crack attract?
A: Crack addicts.
Q: What special skill do crack addicts have?
A: They are fast?
Q: What?
A: They are fast. Faster than an Argentine on bath day.

This is true. Crack addicts are the cheetahs of the human race. If you challenge a crack addict to a foot race you will lose. You may be walking down the street, humming a Daddy Yankee song, minding your own business then all of a sudden there is a crack addict next to you asking for money.

“Yo brah. How you doin’ amigo. Hook a brotha’ up over here.”

By the way, this particular crack addict, “Johnny”, is white. He likes to be called a “brotha’” and tilts his hat to the left. He is the fastest white man I have ever seen in my life. I once watched Johnny dart from shadow to shadow in an alley on his way to the dealer down the street. As the clouds changed the trajectory of the sunlight he would dart, skip, jump and dash his way to the darkness of a shadow. I wanted to remind him that it was the middle of the day and everyone could see him, but it was nice to see this ghetto ballet going on behind my house.

I think it would be a good way to raise money for the city to have crack addict races. Seriously. They could be sponsored. They could run up and down 14th street. It could be televised. We could have play-by-play announcers:

“Well Bob, it looks like Laquita has taken the lead by bashing Johnny over the head with what looks to be, yes, I’ve been informed that it indeed is, she bashed Johnny over the head with the hood of a 1994 Geo Metro. Wow, look at that Nubian run.”

Nubian... That is my 37th favorite word. (Juxtapose is #38...)

I have yet to see a Latino crack addict in Washington, DC, but I GUARANTEE that he/she would be the fastest. We’re small and compact and I’m sure we would move like the wind.

I’m not sure what the prize of the race could be, but probably crack. Or a Geo Metro.

Some of you may say that I’m being too hard on the DC police. You’re right. I am being hard on them. I think that they are moving in the right direction by putting up cameras all over DC’s “high risk zones”.

Now, I know this is a move in the right direction, but is that camera supposed to be pointed directly into mi hermana’s bedroom? Every time she comes home all of a sudden 3 police cruisers appear out of nowhere. Why is this?

Anyway, crack races. Sponsored crack races. Nubians. Juxtaposing. Think about it.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo