El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Wednesday, July 25, 2007

For Later

1I just realized something the other day.

Mi madre thinks that I’m going to hell.

After I just wrote that, it made me stop and look at my unlit candles. Of the about 15 on my windowsill, three of them have been given to me by mi madre. At first, I thought that she was just helping me decorate my room, but now I know that she was giving me a hint.

It’s a strange feeling to have the woman who brought you into this world think that you are going to be spending your afterlife in eternal damnation.

I used to think that I was her favorite child. Turns out, she just wants to spend as much time as she can with me now, because she won’t be able to hang out with me later. She’ll make it up to my siblings in heaven.

Me? Bueno, I’ll just be down there in hell, listening to bag pipes and sipping apple martinis with Maradona. That’s hell to me. Bag pipes, apple-tini’s and Maradona.

I asked mi madre the other day if she thought that I was going to hell.

“You still have time to change your ways.”

Now, I’m really not a bad person. I’m not. Sure, I don’t go to church. I don’t cross myself when passing by a church. I sometimes use the Lord’s name in vain. I eat meat on Fridays. I lust. Big time.

But, I help old women with their grocery bags. I say a silent prayer of thanks when something good happens to me. I buy nothing from the country of Argentina. I try to smile as much as I can. I light candles. Lots of them. I just, don’t like following rules when it comes to Dios. Is that bad?

I believe in God. Very much. God is around me all day long. And not because I’m Guatemalan. I think he’s around all people, everyone, regardless of race and religion. And while God may keep a little distance, he’s even around Argentineans. Again, he keeps his distance.

With mi madre, I once told her that I wasn’t sure if the Catholic way was my way. That all these rules and regulations fit my way of thinking.

In truth, I just believe in God. Dios.

Mi madre loves me, very much, I am her baby boy. But at the end of the day, I’ll still risk the bag pipes.

But… Do me a favor. The next time you’re at the grocery store in the Hispanic section, buy a religious candle. Light one for the saving of my soul. Just in case…

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 4:16 AM, Blogger Alex said...

Great post. Thanks for my daily dose of humour.

At 6:27 AM, Blogger Avra said...

I don't light candles.I'll pray for you though.

At 9:42 AM, Blogger ByTheWayBetch said...

I don't fully understand this candle thing. why with the fire hazard?

At 9:49 AM, Anonymous WN said...

My mother doesn't light candles, but she's been predicting my descent into Hell since I was 15. For staying out late watching a movie with my friends, no less.

Ah, the Latina Catholic mother. Gotta love her.

At 10:22 AM, Blogger Zulma said...

There are several reasons why I left California:

This issue you're suffering is one of them.

#1 When I was growing up as a teen Chicana in Southern California I realized I wasn't so useful in the kitchen. I know how to cook for myself now but when the big Carne Asada's were happening it was like, zulma tu ve a traer el hielo a la tienda por que aqui no me sirves para nada.
My sisters took on the more domestic roles, I was like the brother they never had. I was happy to not cook and clean.

#2 Once I went to college they said I was trying speak to well. That i spoke like a white girl.

I'm sure everyone goes through this.

#3 I couldn't say the word pussy in front of my mom but i could say shit and fuck.. the only word she really hated me using was kick back. she thought of me as lying down while having sex on the floor and kicking back for more or something.
then there was the stupid word.
mom NEVER wanted me to use the words stupid around the house.
because stupid in spanish means estupido which is a stupid bad word.
yes, then we'd get into these debates with my mom like, mom that's stupid that we can't say stupid, i swear she almost came at us with a knife!

At 12:04 PM, Anonymous SEM said...

Satan believes in God...if you're really worried about it, try reading the bible for yourself (not meant to sound snarky)

At 12:28 PM, Blogger Melanie said...

uh oh. I am definitely going to hell. I don't even have any candles... :eek:

At 3:03 PM, Blogger ADW said...

See you there...

At 6:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The correct word would be: "vain"...

At 11:39 PM, Blogger MaLady said...

Jesus described hell as more of a garbage pit - a place "where there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth". Maybe bagpipes will do it but I don't think that's what he was talking about.

I don't get the candle thing either, except for the sentiment that it prolongs the prayer and thus makes it more valuable. They are symbolic of a prayer, right?

I think helping the old ladies with their bags and such is right along the lines of Jesus' "whatever you do to the least of these you've done to me". "There is no greater love than this: for a man to lay down his life for a friend." "for love covers a multitude of sins." "love is patient, love is kind, love is not jealous, boastful or proud..." I'll spare you the references because you can always search Bible Gateway.

Anyway, I'd rather be around someone who is willing to love selflessly a little than some "righteous" one who has selfish motives for even that...

No candle, but a prayer for your soul. You decide who wins...

At 11:55 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I will light the candle, since you asked.
It's a smile and nod to you, and to yours, and to paths that don't cross,
paths that run parallel.
We're all going to the same place, my friend.


At 9:48 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Hi, I enjoy reading your blog and have been challenged to "tag" 8 other bloggers and ask them to divulge 8 facts about themselveson their own blog.

Here's my blog: http://www.wishtosee.com/archives/2007/07/tagged.htm

Here are the rules:
1. We have to post these rules before we give you the facts.
2. Players start with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don't forget to leave them a comment telling them they're tagged, and to read your blog.


p.s. feel free to ignore

At 10:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My mom thinks I'm going to hell, too.

I think every mom worries that their kid is going to hell...........

At 9:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

fairly new reader here though you did go straight to favorites. just a heads-up that you're in today's Express! i'll keep my eyes open for you in the Heights-mustache and all.

At 11:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yep, read your blog in the Washington Express. That's why I had to read your blog

At 3:14 AM, Anonymous lellebop said...

I definitely snorted (you know, that unattractive half laugh half pig sound) when you said that the reason you were her favorite child was because she thought you were going to hell. It even topped the time I got a Jesus lollipop by a troupe of traveling revivalist church members.

Je ne parle pas l'espagnol. Je parle francais! De moi a vous, Groses Bisous, El Gaupo, from NOVA.

At 12:08 PM, Blogger Maggi-nifica said...

the nuns at catholic school told me that every good dead you do is a brick that builds your house in heaven. If that theory works for hell too, then, think of it as a nice time share condo you've built.

My Brasilian mother (uber catholic) and my Spanish father (who lived under the tyrany of Franco) both remind me to be mindful of how i got here and what I do with what life/god/karma/mothernature has provided.
In the end, the only two people you must reckon with are yourself and your creator.

In my case, he's going to have to clear his calendar for about a month

At 1:43 PM, Blogger Moxie said...

I love those Hispanic candles at the grocery store! They are cheap and fairly safe, too. I like to think the candles help focus one's intention a bit more clearly. You can't "see" a prayer, but you can see a candle burning and remember who or what you were thinking about when you lit it.

My mom always asks me to light candles for her when I go to any church or cathedral. She is fascinated by religion and likes to take on lots of different rituals.

At 4:32 PM, Blogger Kanani said...

Each time I buy one at El Ranchero they roll their eyes.
-Another soul in danger, Easy-writer?
Yes, another one.
-You should meet some new people, EW.
I don't know them, I just read their blogs.

At 7:21 AM, Blogger Namaste said...

I bet I know who the other candles are from.

At 9:58 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

Not only will I light an Anima Sola candle, I will spritz the room with some Aerosol de Santa Clara (este aerosol se usa para limpiar la casa de energia negativas y aclarar las situaciones) finishing off with Rompe Trabajo Aceite oil on the heels of your shoes to protect you. That outta do it.


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