El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

Tie-Dyed Camisas and no Chips

Miguel was over and I was running out of potato chips.

“What if all the snow outside wasn’t snow, but cocaine? We could sell all that cocaine and buy stuff. You know? We could buy candles. I need some more candles. And shoes. I want alligator shoes. I saw an alligator at the zoo. They don’t look so tough. Kind of like a girl with bad teeth, you know? You’re afraid to look at her in the beginning then, oh, what’s this, she has a nice culo, you know? Do you have any tamales in the freezer?”

It’s been like this for the last hour.


Miguel hands me a card. Look, it’s a Valentine’s Day card. Great... I take it out of the envelope and see two African Americans on the cover. It’s an Ebony card. Inside Miguel writes:

Michelle, I like you. Eres muy hot. -Miguel

Miguel, this is an Ebony card.

“I know. They didn’t have any Snoopy ones, but I liked it. Look at the hat the woman is wearing. I like that hat. I wish more women wore hats like that. Mira, all the colors. I like colors El Guapo. En serio. I really like colors. The more colors the better. See this yellow shirt? I know it’s yellow and I like yellow, but if I could I would have one with a thousand colors. Because that’s what I am. I’m a mezcla, a mix of colors and that’s why I like colors, not just yellow, but I like yellow. I like saying it. YELLOW. It feels good when I say it. Not like rojo. I don’t like saying rojo. I like saying yellow. I hate tacos.”

He does. He’s never liked them. Not since I’ve known him. Me, I like them.

“So, Michelle. She’s the rubia from NYE.”

En serio? I didn’t know you were seeing her. Why didn’t you tell me.

“El Guapo, what you don’t know about me is a lot. Like, the ocean. You know, if the water were things you didn’t know about me it would be the ocean. No, not the ocean, because the ocean is grande. You know me more than that, but a lake. Like a medium sized lake. I don’t tell you everything. Like how I want to design shirts. Shirts, El Guapo. Camisas of all colors, but on one shirt. So people always felt colorful and happy. That’s what I want to do El Guapo. Then have something really cool on the shirt that says (he puts both hands out in el shapes) I don’t know yet, but something increible. That makes people think.

I really wanted to tell him about tie-dyed shirts, but who am I to stand in the way of his dream?

“Michelle is like a gringa I’ve never met before. I always think about her. Like when I’m in the shower, working, eating, watching TV. I’m always thinking about she’s going to say to me next.”

I still don’t get when he sees this Michelle since he’s always at my house eating my food.

“You know how I worry? When I’m with this gringa I forget. About todo. I get there, then I look at the clock and it’s cinco horas after. With her time stops. I have nunca gone out on Valentine’s Day, but I’m not even nervous. She smells so good El Guapo. She has all these different lotions. One for her feet, one for her manos, one for her face. She smells tan bueno. I’ve smelled many good things, but her smell is the best. It’s like if you put all the flores in one room and even if the smell is strong it doesn’t give you a headache, sabes? She doesn’t give me a headache. With her, my refrigerator is always full. Do you have any of those platano chips?”

No. You ate them all. That’s good Miguel. I’m happy for you.

“Si. Yo tambien.”

Miguel eventually passes out on the floor of my couch, but I’m happy for mi amigo. He deserves una mujer that makes him happy. He’s happy, so I’m happy. I just wish he didn’t eat all my chips.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 6:50 AM, Anonymous applegreen said...

Owh...he's in love. And he has a nice dream. Hope he'll be able to realize the dream. Ganbare Miguel!Anyway, El Guapo, I'm about to go back and luckily I checked your blog one last time. Had a fun time reading your latest entry. And Happy Valentine's Day to you. I'm off to celebrate the day at home, in front of the TV. Take care there!


At 8:18 AM, Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

I love that he wishes he had cocaine so he could sell it and buy candles.

This entire story made me smile. :)

At 8:23 AM, Anonymous MappyB said...

Cute story! I like the Valentine's Day card. That reminds me of when my mom sent out Ebony cards one year for Christmas - we're quite white mind you - complete with African Santa, and a very soulful greeting (we're not religious). She loved the card, but had so many strange comments! Kind of funny!

At 10:18 AM, Blogger la guera loca said...

I think I would like to marry miguel. At least for a few years. I smell good too!

At 10:51 AM, Blogger always write said...

I love your stories.

I told somebody not long ago, "I'd rather you trip all over yourself trying to convey genuine emotion than feed me contrived romance." A real man articulates his feelings simply, without second-guessing his words, his camisa or his choice of Mahogany cards. Good luck, Miguel; you're going to be juuuuuust fine.

At 11:03 AM, Anonymous p said...

El Guapo, what is the floor of your couch? When Miguel wakes up, can I sit there for a while?

mucho amor

At 3:27 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

Happy Valentine's Day to El Guapo. Definitely a day for "Mucho Amor."

At 4:29 PM, Blogger Prom said...

Migel sounds like one of those fast talker guys. I'd probably want to gag him.

At 11:22 PM, Anonymous casey said...

"Like a medium sized lake." or maybe even a large sized puddle. You two got a way with words.

At 1:34 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said...

I guess he liked her sopa?

At 5:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tell him about the rabbits.

At 8:20 PM, Blogger RoarSavage said...

'Mous gets funnier and funnier, doesn't he? Even reads...

At 7:09 AM, Blogger theinebriantgrape said...

he would SELL?! que stupido! :)


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