Tie-Dyed Camisas and no Chips

Miguel was over and I was running out of potato chips.

“What if all the snow outside wasn’t snow, but cocaine? We could sell all that cocaine and buy stuff. You know? We could buy candles. I need some more candles. And shoes. I want alligator shoes. I saw an alligator at the zoo. They don’t look so tough. Kind of like a girl with bad teeth, you know? You’re afraid to look at her in the beginning then, oh, what’s this, she has a nice culo, you know? Do you have any tamales in the freezer?”

It’s been like this for the last hour.

“Mira.”

Miguel hands me a card. Look, it’s a Valentine’s Day card. Great... I take it out of the envelope and see two African Americans on the cover. It’s an Ebony card. Inside Miguel writes:

Michelle, I like you. Eres muy hot. -Miguel

Miguel, this is an Ebony card.

“I know. They didn’t have any Snoopy ones, but I liked it. Look at the hat the woman is wearing. I like that hat. I wish more women wore hats like that. Mira, all the colors. I like colors El Guapo. En serio. I really like colors. The more colors the better. See this yellow shirt? I know it’s yellow and I like yellow, but if I could I would have one with a thousand colors. Because that’s what I am. I’m a mezcla, a mix of colors and that’s why I like colors, not just yellow, but I like yellow. I like saying it. YELLOW. It feels good when I say it. Not like rojo. I don’t like saying rojo. I like saying yellow. I hate tacos.”

He does. He’s never liked them. Not since I’ve known him. Me, I like them.

“So, Michelle. She’s the rubia from NYE.”

En serio? I didn’t know you were seeing her. Why didn’t you tell me.

“El Guapo, what you don’t know about me is a lot. Like, the ocean. You know, if the water were things you didn’t know about me it would be the ocean. No, not the ocean, because the ocean is grande. You know me more than that, but a lake. Like a medium sized lake. I don’t tell you everything. Like how I want to design shirts. Shirts, El Guapo. Camisas of all colors, but on one shirt. So people always felt colorful and happy. That’s what I want to do El Guapo. Then have something really cool on the shirt that says (he puts both hands out in el shapes) I don’t know yet, but something increible. That makes people think.

I really wanted to tell him about tie-dyed shirts, but who am I to stand in the way of his dream?

“Michelle is like a gringa I’ve never met before. I always think about her. Like when I’m in the shower, working, eating, watching TV. I’m always thinking about she’s going to say to me next.”

I still don’t get when he sees this Michelle since he’s always at my house eating my food.

“You know how I worry? When I’m with this gringa I forget. About todo. I get there, then I look at the clock and it’s cinco horas after. With her time stops. I have nunca gone out on Valentine’s Day, but I’m not even nervous. She smells so good El Guapo. She has all these different lotions. One for her feet, one for her manos, one for her face. She smells tan bueno. I’ve smelled many good things, but her smell is the best. It’s like if you put all the flores in one room and even if the smell is strong it doesn’t give you a headache, sabes? She doesn’t give me a headache. With her, my refrigerator is always full. Do you have any of those platano chips?”

No. You ate them all. That’s good Miguel. I’m happy for you.

“Si. Yo tambien.”

Miguel eventually passes out on the floor of my couch, but I’m happy for mi amigo. He deserves una mujer that makes him happy. He’s happy, so I’m happy. I just wish he didn’t eat all my chips.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo