El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

St. Antonio: Que clima frio!

Although the cherry blossoms are appearing a bit early this year, tonight was proof that winter still looms. Although the winter is good for showing off my large collection of flannel shirts, I do miss the days when a breath of air doesn’t result in my nasals burning and sticking together. Ah, how I wish it was el verano.

Today as I walked home, I tucked my chin into my chest and put mis manos in my pockets. The day started off warm enough, so I did not bring a hat, gloves, or a scarf. Many times I feel that my Guatamalanness will be sufficient for warmth and many times I am sadly mistaken.

Walking in the dark is never an issue. People in my neighborhood know me and nod when they see me coming. Some who prefer to wave do so, but I nod. It is too cold to remove my hands from my pockets.

Today was not like most nights. There was commotion on my walk home. About one block after I got off my stop I heard quick steps coming in my direction. Before I had an opportunity to turn around hands were on my back pushing me down and pulling at my neck. My gold chain.

I felt the chain break around mi cuello and create a blood blister before it gave way to my attacker. A nice kick to the back of the head was my reward for relinquishing my St. Antonio gold necklace and medallion that was given to me by one of my tias. The gentleman who forgot to give me his name ran off north on 13th street before making off on Kansas Ave.

Pobre attacker. This is not his day. I got up on all fours and peered from the top of my eyes as my soon to be friend made off with a smile on his face. I smiled. This is my first mugging. Now I can join the women who live in Logan Circle and tell stories.

Pobre attacker. This is not his day. He must not have realized he was jumping a Guatemalan named El Guapo. You see, in my day I was quite the runner and rust has yet to take over my body. For two seconds I stayed on all fours watching him run away. I decided to say the prayer of St. Antonio, who is the saint of lost things. After all, my medallion was lost.

I got to my feet and started running after my soon to be friend. He had slowed to a jog and was expecting me, like most of his victims, to stay down. I am not only Guatemalan, but guapo as well. I need to have my gold. After all, gold is the bar code of Latinos and Armenians since 1932. I wanted my baby back.

Running was not being done on the sidewalks, but on the street where the pavement makes less of a sound on my leather soles. A quick honk alerted him to my presence and he went a bit faster, but by this time I was 3 meters behind him. My new amigo was starting to yell things at me,

“I gotta gun dude. I gotta gun.”
No you don’t. No you don’t, amigo. You run too freely for someone who has a gun. No tienes nada mi amigo. No tienes nada.

He turns around and actually spits at me hitting me in the chest where my medallion would have protected me. Oh boy. This is not going to be fun, but I believe this is better than Yoga. At this point I could have tackled my new friend, but I had spit on my sweater. I was in no tackling mood. Instead, I swiped at his foot and his momentum put him to the ground chest then chin. He realized he bled when he wiped his red sleeve sticking out of his jacket on his face. I hovered around him like a wolf does prior to eating his prey. I smiled and showed my tongue while smiling. He was up against wall on the sidewalk leading to someone’s home. I leaned down, smiled, and said, “Hola amigo.”

“Fuck you!”

Yes. Fuck me. It has been a long time since I have been in any kind of physical altercation and I thought about ending my streak with this new friend of mine, but I changed my mind. His body showed the deterioration from which I have grown too accustomed in my neighborhood. I saw the beginning of tracks on his arms. My friend had allowed a greater being to take control of his life. I could not hurt him. He was already hurting.

That necklace was given to me by my aunt. I’d like it back please. It means much to me.

I looked at him in the eye as only another man can and he handed it to me trembling. The look of guilt was in his eyes for he had done this act in desperation. Without thinking, I reached into my pocket and gave him a $20. I know what this money will obtain, but I wish that it holds him over until he feels the urge to hurt another. Too many of my brothers have fallen with this ill.

He took my money and no thank you was needed. The look on one man’s face is all that is required in times like this. He walked north towards his treasure and looked back only once as I stood staring at him go away.

As I walked home holding my broken necklace I said a prayer to St. Anthony. I asked for my new friend’s soul to be found.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

43 Comments:

At 5:03 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

...xxx

 
At 7:08 AM, Anonymous La said...

Well done El Guapo! Many men do not know the difference between the evil and the weak. Clearly you do.

 
At 8:36 AM, Blogger always write said...

Compassionate yet vengeful -- with that $20 you wounded his pride more deeply than your leather sole would have broken his face. If there's a way to applaud you without wishing pain on the thief, that's what I'm doing. I clap for you with one hand.

 
At 8:37 AM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

ay Dios mio! You had me at the edge of my seat! First, I thought you were going to go all ms-13 on him but you did one better, you were kind and a *real* man. Bien hecho.

 
At 9:11 AM, Blogger Divine Calm said...

Impressive counterattack. Maybe he'll think twice before he does it again.

 
At 9:51 AM, Blogger Karen said...

Thank you for restoring my faith in humanity. Though giving him that $20 will only feed that monster, at least it will keep someone else safe, for now.

God Bless you, dear.

VV

 
At 9:59 AM, Blogger Christopher Robin said...

Wow. My hat is off to you (should I actually wear a hat), as another before me has said, you are a real man.

I'm glad you got your medallion back. And who know, perhaps your gesture may lead to some change in the life of your attacker.

 
At 10:35 AM, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

That sucks, dude.

Good work though. I don't have your restraint though. I ninja-kicked a junkie in Amsterdam who stole money off my restaurant table. I felt bad about afterwards though.

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger Velvet said...

Mi amor! I was so worried that you would be hurt. Please. Let's go live in a castle with a moat so no one can ever hurt you again.

In all seriousness, good job on catching him. Of course I should say you could have been hurt, blah blah, but you went with your instinct and it proved you correct.

 
At 11:27 AM, Blogger RoarSavage said...

...Very moving.

 
At 11:57 AM, Blogger Sterculian Rhetoric said...

'I smiled and showed my tongue while smiling'

Guatemalan?

Maori Warrior, more like!

 
At 12:20 PM, Blogger Rhinestone Cowgirl said...

What always write said.

besitos-
lucy

 
At 1:17 PM, Blogger Kathryn said...

muy impressante.

WONDERFUL post.

 
At 2:24 PM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

It is truly very macho to forgive one's attacker and show restrain and kindness. Muy, muy macho.

 
At 4:05 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

wow!

 
At 4:38 PM, Blogger Nicole said...

Good for you.

 
At 5:01 PM, Blogger fledermaus said...

Bravo, el Guapo! Now you really rate. When I started reading your posts, they were the funniest I've read in a long while. Actually a bit embarrassing, as I'd laugh out loud in my office and I was expecting someone to come in and ask me if I was okay. And now, you're an exceptional human as well...as if being Guatamalan wasn't enough ;o)

 
At 7:58 PM, Blogger KOB said...

The empathy you have shown this person who stole from you is remarkable. This is an extraordinary story.

 
At 8:02 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

What an incredible piece of reporting. Your compassion is amazing. Bravo, El Guapo.

 
At 8:06 PM, Blogger Salon de The said...

Touching.

 
At 8:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Omg, I love you!!You are awesome.Thanks for the post.

 
At 8:57 PM, Blogger ThaiMex1 said...

Perdone siempre a sus enemigos, nada los molesta tanto.
- Oscar Wilde

 
At 6:10 AM, Blogger Mister Jinxy said...

You GAVE him $20?

You should have kicked him in the nuts.

 
At 8:46 AM, Blogger Jarrad said...

El Guapo, I do not know you, but I am your new fan. that's an amazing story. It's times like this that we see what we are really made of, and you are made of strength, courage and wisdom.

I am impressed.

 
At 8:49 AM, Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

What a story! You really ARE the most guapo man in DC. Thank you.

 
At 9:08 AM, Blogger JordanBaker said...

Holy cow. I'm crying a tiny bit.

 
At 9:29 AM, Blogger Mari said...

Mercy and Justice, well done El Guapo!

 
At 9:34 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my crush on el guapo got even bigger after reading this post.

 
At 9:53 AM, Blogger Namaste said...

Yes, he was already suffering, and you are more of a man to see that.

Gandhi says, "An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind."

Guapo, you are magnificant.

:)

 
At 11:32 AM, Blogger Caroline said...

That reminds me of a similar story. A few years ago my boyfriend was approached by a guy with a knife who demanded his wallet. My boyfriend could see the dude was a junkie, so rather than comply he kicked the knife out of his hand and gave him $3 (for a cheap Jew that's equivalent to $20).

 
At 11:59 AM, Blogger Crazy Girl City said...

Wow. Good job El Guapo.

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger green_canary said...

Well done, El Guapo! You are my hero, and have restored my faith in humanity :-)

 
At 1:51 PM, Blogger Larissa said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger Larissa said...

wow, amazing!

 
At 4:20 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said...

And you have to give the man credit for knowing what fine jewelry looks like...

 
At 4:37 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Great post!

 
At 4:50 PM, Blogger Dennis! said...

I'm just going to add to the chorus of "you are awesome"s. Way to go, dude.

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger The Deceiver said...

My train of thought as I read this went like this:

El Guapo good.

El Guapo better!

El Guapo: BEST!

Bravo.

 
At 10:38 PM, Blogger EchiZera said...

Guapo,
que guapo :)

 
At 12:43 PM, Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

You are the guaopist, the inteligenteist and now the valienteist!

 
At 6:24 AM, Blogger AK47 said...

Hello G.,

Good story and good deeds.

AK47.

 
At 10:32 PM, Anonymous jane said...

¡Te amo, El Guapo!

 
At 1:29 PM, Blogger Lady Miss Alicia said...

Truly a powerful and compassionate post.

 

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