El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, March 21, 2006

Hybrid Trash

Tengo un problema. Maybe I shouldn’t have a problema. You tell me. Por favor.

I’m very happy that the new residents of mi barrio choose to purchase hybrid vehicles. I’m very happy that they are saving money on gasoline. I’m very happy that they get a tax rebate for this purchase. I’m very happy that they are helping keep the Saudi Arabian man down. What is mi problema?

It seems that the owners of these hybrid cars have a problem understanding the rules of street parking. Maybe I’m over-generalizing. Let me re-phrase. It seems that the owners of COMPACT cars have a problem understanding the rules of street parking.

Mi amigo, you are driving a Tercel. You don’t need to take up two city blocks to park your car. Are you afraid that someone is going to scratch the bland gray off of your new Hybrid Civic? I can understand this concern, but please remember your fellow man that gets home at 1 AM and must park in front of the fire hydrant because you park your car with enough room for a Bolivian family of five to sleep head-to-toe in the front and back of your car. All you need is one foot at most. Just a thought.

I’d also like to remind the familia living across the street from me that their 40oz beer cans would look just as good in a trash can than on the front of their house. In the beginning, I told myself that you were artists expressing yourselves through the medium of trash. I don’t know, maybe you were protesting the commercialization of Navidad by throwing colored bottles in your front yard. Now, I realize that you are just lazy, enjoy throwing bottles from your porch and enjoy making my people look bad.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

10 Comments:

At 7:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

funny thing.... My friend was debating between a Prius or a Hybrid Civic...

 
At 10:17 AM, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

You need to get your own parking spot, Guapo.

I usually pay a homeless person to sleep in my spot while I'm out drinking. THen I come back, give him $6 and he takes his shopping cart and goes to sleep in some Yuppie's (Chad) alley.

 
At 10:22 AM, Blogger Veronica said...

"Mi amigo, you are driving a Tercel. You don’t need to take up two city blocks to park your car."

I will be quoting you on that. Loving you as always...

 
At 12:16 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Do what I did to the person who drove a BMW in my apartment complex who took up two spots in the lot all the time. Hock a loogy on his car. He'll never know it was you.

 
At 1:33 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

I always want to leave a note on those cars that take up a lot of space unnecessarily. But I don't. Because I am weak.

 
At 2:32 PM, Blogger jaymichaelrivera said...

My friend parents, who live in SF where parking is also inferno puro, went to Copymat and made 2-feet-by-3-feet stickers with some smarmy warning about being towed away next time. They slap the sticker in front of the driver's side of the windshield. I hear the curses from drunks coming from the bars at 2 a.m. are legendary.

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger Velvet said...

Tell 'em baby!

 
At 9:07 PM, Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

In San Francisco, people have inspiration while parking. I could get my old Accord into the tiniest little spots, with barely and inch in front and behind the car. I was always so proud. Odd, isn't it, that in DC people leave 3 to 4 feet in front and back ... why? In SF it was like a jigsaw puzzle getting in and out of parking places. DC is strange. That's one reason I don't own a car.

 
At 9:00 AM, Blogger Caroline said...

The worst is when a car is parked so there's a foot or two between it and the car in front of it, and enough space behind it to fit another car-- minus 6 inches.

 
At 1:51 PM, Anonymous ny.anon said...

Very funny! This must be one of those so-called universal experiences, but I think you seem to have bigger beer cans in DC.

 

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