El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, March 14, 2006

Rule Number 1

You know, I believe that women should be treated fairly in the workplace. I’ve grown sick and tired of seeing women have to sit in the back of the truck for so long. It is time they call “shot gun” and ride in the front seat for good. Actually, forget riding in the front seat. It’s time they drive the truck.

Why am I such a feminist this morning?

I just witnessed a neighborhood woman get the raw end of a business transaction. You see, one of the local prostitutes forgot the #1 rule of turning tricks: Get your money first.

Maybe he had an honest face. Maybe his command of four letter words made him trusting. Maybe the shirt with the mysterious yellow stain made him seem charming. I don’t know. You know why? Rule #1 of tricking: Get your money first. No exceptions.

I wasn’t there to see the transaction, but I was there to hear the aftermath. It seems that the customer wasn’t satisfied with the transaction and refused to pay. While I believe that rule number one should have been followed, I still believe that the woman was taken advantage of. Would this have happened if the gentleman was with one of the local transvestites? No. First, they always follow rule number one and would not tolerate back talk from their customers.

I just wish the customer understood Spanish because the poetry spewing from this woman’s mouth was truly beautiful:

“Oh, Captain Tiny Pants doesn’t want to pay? You give me my money you Two Minute Champion!”

I almost went outside to serve as a translator, but I did not wish to interfere in a private business transaction.

Captain Tiny Pants and Two Minute Champion. I love mi barrio so much. So very much.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 11:22 AM, Blogger Velvet said...

I know, I shouldn't turn tricks in your hood anymore.

At 12:24 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Captain Tiny Pants"?? Did your mom wash his clothes?

At 2:11 PM, Anonymous Sara said...

Please, please, please teach us the Spanish for "Captain Tiny Pants."

Thank you.

At 6:11 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

That was my loose translation. She was calling the guy "Capitan," but was talking about what he had in his pants. I Americanized it.

El Guapo

At 6:51 PM, Blogger Kayla said...

And they say pimpin' ain't easy... I tell you what, bein' a ho ain't easy. I witnessed quite the exchange of the ladies in my hood one night - one hell of an argument. My bet was on the rather large girl wearing nothing but a thong and a see through rain slicker. A sister that can pull that off --- I wouldn't mess with her.

At 9:29 AM, Blogger Mylissa said...

I've been reading your site for like an hour. Found it through the Waiter. Love it.
O and Captain T.P. and Two Minute Champ is now in my permanent vocab.

Good Stuff.

At 9:38 AM, Blogger always write said...

This reminds me of my old boyfriend, Fred. I think of him every time I pass through the haircare aisle at CVS and spot Aussie's '3 Minute Miracle' on the shelf.

Doesn't Captain Tiny Pants kinda sound like a character on 'Pee Wee's Playhouse'?

At 11:53 AM, Blogger Mandy said...

This is the first thing that's put a smile on my face all day, so muchas gracias, El Guapo.

At 2:10 PM, Anonymous Sara said...

Your fluent understanding of nuance in two languages impresses and delights me, and thus I certainly respect the translation of "Capitan" uttered with pointed disdain to "Captain Tiny Pants." But how 'bout "two-minute champion"? Can you at least teach us the Spanish for that?

Muchas gracias, either way.

At 6:33 PM, Blogger Debby said...

Captain Tiny Pants!!



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