El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

Rumors: Not Guatemalans!

There are evil rumors going around about El Guapo. I’m not sure who is responsible for these rumors, perhaps that cabron Miguel, but I can not pin this solely on him. Not yet anyway.

I’ve been receiving e-mails. Not the regular e-mails that I receive from you, my amigos, but e-mails offering particular types of services. Services, that although I appreciate the thought of it all, I don’t need.

Moments ago I received an e-mail that made me write this post. It was from a nice girl named Areli Farrington. I do not know this woman, but she seems to think that I would benefit from Viagra pills for $3.75 a pill.

Mi amor, perhaps you do not know about me, El Guapo. I am Guatemalan. Does this make you realize the error of your e-mail? Did you perhaps think that I was Argentinean? If so, please, do not let this error occur again. I beg of you.

As a Guatemalan male, I was blessed by whatever supreme power blessed all Guatemalans with virility. This is a widely known fact. If you go around giving the Viagra pill to Guatemalans I’m afraid that the entire female population in the United States would be overworked by our love making. The women would be too tired to work. Guatemalans do not want the US economy to falter because of our loins. After all, we need to send dinero home!

Argentineans, unfortunately, did not have this same blessing. Guatemalans were given the gift of amazing love making abilities and the Argentineans were given, well, they have nice hair. Their facial hair is lacking what we Guatemalans can offer, but they try. Bless their little hearts.

But El Guapo, surely the Argentineans are very good at something. They are good at soccer, no?

Yes. They are very good at soccer, but only number two, maybe three in Latin America. Argentina will forever be Brazil’s little bitch when it comes to soccer. When it comes to love making, they have much learning to do from the Guatemalans. Much learning. Having pretty hair will only get you so far in life. Perhaps Argentineans would be well served to contact Ms. Areli Farrington for some Viagra?

Ms. Farrington, lo siento that your e-mail will not garner you some business, but hopefully you will be able to focus your marketing skills towards the Latin population that needs help. I understand how you got Guatemala confused with Argentina. Those four syllable country names can confuse even the best of us.

Rule of thumb is this: Guatemala starts with “G” and we are GREAT. Argentina starts with “A” and they are Average. Easy no?

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 10:22 AM, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

Argentine women are hot, guapo. They are great to date, but you wouldn't want to marry one because your kids would be half argentinian and they would probably pronounce things like "llave" funny.

At 11:29 AM, Blogger Kathryn said...

So will you be proudly demonstrating your Guatemalan-ness at Happy Hour (Hora de Felicidad?) tonight?

At 11:29 AM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

Sigh. Machismo is so cute over the Internet. El Guapo tienes your mustache otra vez? It has regrown?

At 11:41 AM, Blogger Velvet said...

El Guapo: I've recently had my heart broken. Can you bring your Guatemalan self over to mi casa? Gracias.

At 11:49 AM, Blogger always write said...

Also, though it is a beautiful dialect with a rich history, the Castellano lisp, when combined with shiny healthy hairdos and tight soccer buns, can lend the impression of a nation of mincing Nancies.

At 12:01 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Ninja, I'm still laughing at that. The mustache is in full effect. My upper lip is muy warm.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

At 1:03 PM, Blogger Larissa said...

Areli Farrington sounds like one silly lady ;-)

At 3:14 PM, Blogger Prom said...

Looks like you need one of these

At 4:44 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

El Guapo...

What must I do to earn the right to be called an honorary Latino? I have stumbled across your blog, and I enjoy it. I will praise your name on my blog as well.

At 5:10 PM, Blogger Lady_Naomi said...


At 5:36 PM, Anonymous Captain Obvious said...

Steve seems a nice enough guy, but I'm sorry, nothing - and I mean NOTHING - about that man's photo suggests to me the word "Latino."

At 5:41 PM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

Smokin Steve may pass as an Argentinan. Yo amo al el Guapo.

At 8:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No seas boludo chapin, porque tenes tantos celos de los pibes? Dicime el nombre de tu ex, yo te la devuelvo pa' que no te amargas mas.

Don Anonimo de BA

PS: Ninja, se dice SHHYA-VE. Ya ve?

At 9:08 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Argentines seriously wish they were Guatemalan. It's really amazing.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

At 9:24 PM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

Todo el mundo quiere ser guatamalteco. Truly.

At 10:19 PM, Blogger Petra said...

No te preocupes, El Guapo. My boyfriend gets those emsils too. I think they start when you go look at internet porn sites : )

Most of his are offering to increase his penis size for just $19.95.

I had a guatamalteco una vez. He bit me all over my chest while we were doing it. Left bruises too.


At 11:22 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Yeah....sorry about that. I no longer go to bed on an empty stomach.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

At 9:29 AM, Blogger la guera loca said...

you know, my mexican boyfriend likes to bite too. i can't wear sleeveless or v-necks anymore. must be a south of the border thing.

At 10:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

My salvadoreno bites tambien.

At 11:01 AM, Blogger Andraste said...

You make me wish I were Latina. So does Salma Hayek. (Yes, I know she's not Guatemalan, but...dios mio!)

At 11:22 AM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

That's why I used the term honorary. I know I need help.

Being a white guy is boring.

At 6:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dated a guy from El Salvador once, and he did the same thing - bit me half to bits. A little bit was cool -- bruises all over my lady parts the next day -- VERY NOT COOL.

At 6:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

These comments kind of bite...please post something new..¡gracias!

At 11:26 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

so Guatamelans don´t think much of Argentina either? Interesting...down here Argentina is the butt of many jokes, second only to the Portuguese, especially when it comes to futbol...I´d love to see Pelé against Maradona..I can picture Maradona sitting down mid field doing lines and drinking whiskey while Pelé trots along goal after goal. Brasil 45; Argentina 0...it would settle the rivalry once and all, kind of like Ali vs. Foreman for the nth time...tell Miguel he can get all the condoms he wants/needs for free down here...tomorrow is the beginning of Carnaval...mucho paz
gringo in Brasil

At 11:29 AM, Blogger Petra said...

Dear Anonymous:



At 7:21 PM, Blogger chapina14 said...



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