El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Wednesday, July 19, 2006


All I wanna do is rock this motherfucker all night long ya'll
Non stop until the crack of dawn ya'll
Ass-Knockin till you can't go on ya'll
Stop over with the goodies and get it on

I have this song in my head and I can’t stop singing it. It’s the only part of the song that I know. I’d like to download it, but for some reason the Guatemalan God who protects us all doesn’t want me, El Guapo to listen to any rock/country/alt-country music and has made it impossible for me to find it on the Internet.

I am driving everyone crazy with the humming of this song.

“El Guapo, if you sing that stupid song one more time I’m going to kick your ass.”

Miguel never was very supportive in my desire to expand my musical horizons. He would be happy listening to a Daddy Yankee CD for the rest of his life over and over again. Not me. I want to rock this motherfucker all night long ya’ll.

Ya’ll. Wow. I’m a Guatemalan saying the word “ya’ll”. Did you feel that? The tremor of the earth right when I said that word? No? Pay attention.


Did you feel it that time? Yes, that was about 7,493 of my ancestors all rolling over in their graves. They’re probably going to appear in my dreams to complain about something like they did back in 1992. Dios, that was a bad year for upsetting my ancestors.

Non stop until the crack of dawn ya’ll.

“You’re, like, a white guy in a beautiful Guatemalan’s body. You like country music?”

Look, it’s not like I like country music, it’s that I appreciate it. I like horses, whiskey and women. So, isn’t it natural for me to have an attraction to country music? Ya’ll?

Am I betraying my Latino brothers by giving in to this twangy sound? Ya’ll?

What would Selena say? En serio, what would Selena say?

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

P.S. If anyone has this song, Por favor e-mail it to me. Gracias.

Update: You can download this song here, ya'll. Just scroll down to the bottom until you see "Assknocker". Special Gracias for Ms. Cube for the link.


At 2:43 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

El Guapo:

sorry, I couldn't find it, darn y'all.

But, if you say this (below) really fast, with a bad Texas accent....


(I think you're very funny ... )

sincerely, a new fan from the west coast - good night!

At 9:29 AM, Blogger Christopher Robin said...

I couldn't find a copy of the song, but I'm going to give you the link to the song lyrics (artist and title included), but you must promise me two things:

1- Don't tell Miguel where this came from (I have a feeling he's going to hurt me).
2- The same goes for your ancestors



At 10:03 AM, Blogger rock_ninja said...

Secretly, that's pop country music... you should check out some real country and bluegrass... your ancestors would probably rock out in their graves.

At 11:49 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sorry to burst your bubble, but Selena was from Texas and didn't speak Spanish. Seriously. Her Spanish songs were memorized phonetically. She'd say, "Buy my CDs, y'all!"

At 2:04 PM, Blogger Gina said...

El Guapo,
the words don't quite correspond to what you posted, but it reminds me of Moby's "Bodyrock" here's the lyrics.

At 2:34 PM, Blogger Raincouver said...

I love that. Rolling in their graves... qu'en paz descansen (RIP).

I had a similar tremor the day I considered walking into "chipotle" to eat one of them pasty FLOUR tortilla wraps, trying to pass for a taco.

Don't mean to offend anyone here, y'all.

At 2:59 PM, Blogger Chica Rosada said...

My mami almost passed out the day I went to Miami and was driving in the car with her and I began belting out "Redneck Woman". She didn't say anything but she didn't have to. Her face and the vela she and my abuela lit that night to San Lazaro said it all.

At 3:32 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

I see St. Cubie has to step in:

Ass Knockin lyrics

Artist - Bob Schneider
Album - Live Shows
Lyrics - Ass Knockin

(chorus 2x)
All I wanna do is rock this motherfucker all night long ya'll
Non stop 'till the crack of dawn ya'll
Ass-Knockin till you can't go on
Stop over with the goodies and get it on

Rock the house party like Freddie King
Dropping the big bomb like it's no big thing
Fuckin up the system like a psychopath
Bringing the knowledge like Sylvia Plath
Get ___ like I was Aquaman
Fling the funky fat far across the land
Do the def nugget like I was born to do
Holding it down like I was superglue

(repeat chorus)

Breakin all the rules like it's no big deal
Eatin hot sauce til it makes me sick
Hangin out with the fly girls at the laundromat
Why their dickhead boyfriends wonder where they at
I gotta drink a big jar of that jammy juice
Doing all the things I was supposed to do
Sleepwalking honey through the land of love
While a hundred billion stars shine high above

(repeat chorus)

You gots to get on down like a kangaroo
Maxing and relaxing in the booty groove
I gotta sling the groovy gravy everywhere I go
So I can flip the freaky deak and cold freak the flow
Teach the whole world to sing my song
So we can all get together and all get along

(repeat chorus)

Vive la fiesta in the old school way
Bust out some old Scorps or some Kid N Play
Creamy dreamsicle aphrodisiac
Park my big booty where the beats is at
I gotta take it up a notch to the 5th degree
Like I was taught by the master gee
People coming up and they askin me
How'd a boy from Ypsilanti like you ever get to be
Such a bad motherfucker on the M I C
I said show me, shit it comes naturally cause

(repeat chorus)

At 3:44 PM, Blogger C'est la vie!! said...

I was going to say, but anon beat me to it...Selena was from TX and she always said y'all...and she did know Spanish even if it was all MOCHO...but she did speak enough of it :-P ...BTW, Selena's bro. AB, he has good Spanish....

At 4:24 PM, Blogger Rev. Brandy said...

El Guapo,

I am crushing on you so hard. Even humming an annoying country/alt-country song is endearing. Is that your powerful Guatemalan-ness, holding sway over your gringa admirers?

Please post a photo of your beautiful Guatemalan self for all of us to admire and adore. We have been sooooooooo patient . . . y'all.

Rev. Brandy

At 4:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thought you'd like to see this.


At 5:31 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

P.S. http://www.bobschneidermusic.com/

At 7:25 PM, Blogger Veronica said...

I love Words. I love how one little Word like "ya'll" can inspire such a great post.

Itunes doesn't have this song, dammit. Now I gotta have it.

At 8:34 PM, Blogger Raincouver said...

Oh cubey what have you done! El Guapo is now becoming Billy Bob Handsome. Doesn't quite have the same ring... like calling Casanova "Mr. Newhouse".

Oh well. I know you were just trying to help. But there goes another tremor...


At 8:50 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

There goes another tremor, ya'll. You forgot to say "ya'll".

At 12:36 AM, Blogger Debby said...

kick ass tune shug

At 4:19 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Bad Gateway, Ya'll. Fix your link.

At 1:06 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You better watch out soon you will be telling Miguel that you are FIXIN to go get some pupusas.

Any way you can put up a sound bite so we can hear you say y'all?

At 3:02 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...


Love the blog pero por el amor de dios- it's y'all not ya'll. http://www.yall.com/ The Magazine for Southern People agrees with me on this one. http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ya'll
The Urban Dictionary is a little more divided. The first entry says it all. But if anyone can change the way it's spelled it would be you.

Perdon, Guapo, but I live in Texas (Austin, so some might say we don't count). Selena (que en paz descanse) would agree.

At 3:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's true - apostrophes take the place of the missing letter(s), so it goes where the "ou" isn't - y'all.

At 11:48 PM, Blogger Kate said...

Assknocker is now available on Bob Schneider's "Greatest Hits LIve" disc available through his website (bobschneidermusic,com).

He always plays State Theatre in Falls Church. And he's always awesome.


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