El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, January 16, 2007


I’m lucky to have close friends. I’ve known most of my best friends ever since I was old enough to throw rocks at cars and blame the Honduran kid down the road. With my amigos, bueno, there are no limits to our conversations. We cover topics far and wide without ever having to worry about what people think.

“I think you’re wrong El Guapo. I think Jesus Christ was really fast. Don’t you think that he had some kind of a super power other than the whole bringing people back to life and the whole wine thing? Vamos. He’s the son of God. I bet he was really fast. I don't buy the whole 'built like a carpenter' business.”

Miguel and I often discuss the potential superpowers of biblical characters. I personally don’t think that Jesus was very fast. I’m sure he was pretty quick, maybe even above average in speed, but I can’t see him being track star fast. Not with those sandals. Lo siento. I don’t see it. Miguel also believes that Noah's beard was used as a prop during his on board magic shows...

“It’s not cheating if she doesn’t know about it. I don’t care what you say. And no, if a tree falls when no one is around I don’t think it makes a sound. So there. If she has no clue about it, then it never happened.”

Miguel also believes in being able to date as many women as he likes until he has the very specific conversation saying that he won’t see other women.

“The conversation must be VERY specific. I must say that I will not make love with any more women. Because making love to a woman and “seeing other women” are two very different things.”

I’m not sure if many of you know this, but Latino men, especially those from Central America, enjoy wearing the tank top undershirt. We usually have this underneath all articles of clothing and enjoy lounging around while wearing this, jeans and our Timberland boots. Si, this is how we roll.

One day, a Uruguayan came over wearing Birkenstocks. He is no longer our friend. No self-respecting Latino allows himself to wear Birkenstocks. If you are Argentinean, si, then I am told this is allowed, but no. Not around me.

“He was your amigo El Guapo. No friend of mine would wear them. I don’t even know what he was doing. If I hadn’t been busy throwing him out of your door, I would have taken away his Latino card.”

Si, I don’t like them either, but did you have to burn them and mail them back to him?

“Claro! It must serve as a warning to all every Latino in this area. The wearing of Birkenstocks will not be tolerated.”

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 12:07 AM, Blogger E :) said...

Ssh! Don't upset Ar-Jew-Tino right now. He's trying to quit smoking and has enough on his plate! LOL!

At 12:32 AM, Blogger Mujer Morena said...

Birkenstocks are one thing, but Birkenstocks with socks? That's a fashion oxymoron. It's the same as wearing sweaters with shorts, or turtlenecks with capri pants, all of which are fashion hell-no's that run rampant here in the PNW. People should be ashamed.

At 9:39 AM, Anonymous melissa said...

Tee hee, funny post and funny comments. I used to wear Birkenstocks. With socks. Wool socks. Yes that's right. In the winter. Then I moved to the tropics and the lovely conform to your foot cork soles became moldy. Since then I have been a lover of rubber flip flops. I have them from many countries. I still want to buy a pair of Havianas.

At 2:00 PM, Blogger Namaste said...

Dios mio, El Guapo! Bueno, tu eres muy inteligente, y sabes que Jesus fue un amigo magnifico, rapido y muy, muy fuerte. No insultes tu abuelito, o mia abuelita, tambien. Vayas con el diablo, mi amigo! Tengo miedo! Cuidado, cuidado!

At 6:22 PM, Blogger A Margarita said...

I too wore Birkenstocks, but it was July in Miami, i.e. it was really hot.
In defense of my actions, they were kind of hippy cool at one point. I felt like I was supporting the environment and still being trendy.
I was thirteen at the time. You have to forgive the foolishness of youth. I still want my Latino card!

At 6:40 PM, Blogger Ar-Jew-Tino said...

Gracias, E, mi amiga! No self-respecting Argentinian would be caught dead wearing socks and Birkenstocks. Of course, it doesn't stop many of us from growing out rat tail mullets.

At 8:20 PM, Blogger casey said...

so what happens when gringos, like, wear huaraches?

At 8:36 PM, Blogger Lee said...

I don't Jesus had that instant healing super-power like Wolverine or the crucifixion thing woulda never taken.

At 7:34 PM, Anonymous andrea said...

I am wondering why here in my part of Canada (Toronto) we seemed to be blessed with a plethora of Salvadoreans, quite a number of Mexicans, and then a smattering of other Central and South American immigrants, we seem to have a severe Guatemalan shortage. In fact, I have not yet had the please of meeting a Guatemalan male in my whole life.

I am moving to New Jersey for six months... any chance that I will find a Guatemalan or two there ... my curiosity is piqued.

At 2:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm with a margarita. Birkenstocks were quite the thing in the early 90s, when I was living in -- mein Gott -- Germany. You can't not wear Birkenstocks in Germany. They'll throw you in the hoosegow or sumpin'.

I don't think you would have liked UC Santa Cruz, mi amigo, where some still wear Birkenstocks -- when shoes are absolutely required.

At 3:17 AM, Blogger Burlas said...

i often heard about your best friend at your age.

glad to hear that from you..

Neuse River North Carolina


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