Why Must I Cry?

Why must I cry?

Have you seen this? No? Por favor, take a moment to watch it. Do not worry. I will wait for you. The video is about 4 minutos, but I promise that it is worth it. I will be right here. Don't have the time? That's ok. See below.

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Watch it? Confused? Do not worry. I am fluent in the art of homemade hippety hop videos. I will translate for you:

00.00-00.04 Black man appears on screen sporting gold capped teeth and long gold chain. He is wearing camouflage because sometimes, you just gotta hide. Unkept facial gives the illusion that this man is a “thinker.” Listen to the beat. Uh uh.

00.05-00.11 Black man, sorry, tone deaf black man appears on screen. Is it the same man? No one knows. Yes, he has the same gold capped teeth and chain, but the camouflage is gone. Furthermore, he is somewhat clean shaven. His dialect screams mentally disabled, or is this just a cry for help? Let us watch.

00.12-00.17 Oh no! Is that an aquarium and fake trees in the background? The sad, tonedeaf, gold capped tooth man (with matching chain) is sitting on a LazyBoy without a shirt. Why, God? Why is he so sad? Why?

00.18-00.28 Sad black man is in the shower! Soap appears below the belt, but he is sad in the shower. So dirty. Dirty! Clean the sadness away shower. Please, clean the sadness. Note that the gold chain has been removed to protect the blang. (Not bling, blang) Note that sad black man touches the sliding shower door to exude emotion that is left out with the image of a sad, tone deaf black man showering.

00.29-00.35 Suds everywhere! This time we see the black man covered in soap suds and he appears to be rubbing his behind. It is dirty and must be cleaned by the cleansing waters of the shower. This will surely take away the sadness. Then he dances. Wait, he shimmies and disappears into the darkness that is the white shower.

00.38-00.52 This is too good. Black man is seen running through the woods with a striped shirt tucked into his jeans. He is also wearing a cap with a roly-poly ball attached to a string. He’s dressed up because the shirt is tucked in and striped. But why? Why is he running through the woods? Is the witch getting him? Is he running from the man? Why tone deaf black man? Why are so sad? He tiptoes around the forest like someone trying to make their way through a dog shit littered back yard. He is not at home in the wilderness. Did I mention that he’s wearing a metal studded belt ala Billy Idol? He is. Back off.

00.53-00.56 Black man is seen throughout video looking sad by the aquarium. This scene will repeat itself throughout and we will not be revisiting this again. It’s too powerful of an image for most of us. The swimming fish is an obvious cry to man being contained by glass ceilings and walls. Wow. What a powerful image.

00.57-01.07 This very well may be the best part of the video. Note the man is now wearing an army jacket and driving in traffic. You can see him wanting to look at the camera, but he MUST keep his eye on traffic. In this scene, traffic, is the MAN. If he doesn’t keep his eye on the MAN he will go down/crash his car. The best is when he stops the car. To the lay person, this may seem like the car in front of him stopped. But no! This is his attempt at showing us that he will pause for the MAN so that he can get on later. Drive on brother. Drive on.

01.08-01.09 This is just a shot of the artist’s X-Box playing lover. I think it’s cute. They make a nice couple.

01.41-01.46 Remember how I said that another scene was the best part of the video? I lied. This is. There is gun on the floor and the black man dives to “quickly” get it ready while someone is about to shoot him. Again, to the lay person, he may seem like a mongoloid, but what he is saying is that THE MAN is too slow for him. Even at the speed of a sloth, he can beat the MAN. Cock that gun. Cock it real good.

The video goes on to repeat itself until a white woman comes into the picture. This is his way of taking down the man. Notice how he wears a do-rag among the crowd of overweight white people. Again, his revenge over the man.

Oh yeah, then he showers some more, has kids with the white woman, tries to climb a tree then puts a gun in his mouth. Genius. Pure, pure genius.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo