El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Friday, March 31, 2006

The MAN: Not keeping me down today

I am not a hater. Si, I dislike a wide variety of things, people and places, but I do not hate. Not much. Bueno, maybe a little I hate.

The thing, or idea, I hate the most is The MAN. You know what I’m talking about.

The guy who keeps you from getting that job? The MAN.
The lady at the supermarket who makes you switch lanes because you have 9 items in the 8 item line? The MAN.
The dude who sells you what appear to be juicy mangoes, but in reality all have worms? THE MAN.

The MAN comes in all shapes, colors, sizes, and situations. The MAN is here to keep us down; to make us frown; to make us bite our lip in anger; to make us clench our fists; to make us feel powerless and alone. I hate The MAN.

The beautiful thing about la vida is that we can fight The MAN from keeping us down. Opportunities arise that allow us to say, “Oh, I’m sorry you little squirrel spit of a man, did I do something to upset you? Did I crack that fragile crystal aura of power that you have?” I live for those moments.

Years ago I witnessed an elderly woman being harassed on the Metro for taking a bite of an orange. When I heard the yelling I automatically thought someone had finally been able to combine the mad cow disease with the avian flu (like mi madre always warns me about) to destroy all the commuters. Then, I saw the circular orange shape in the woman’s hand and I was confused.

The woman, didn’t speak much English and didn’t understand. I stepped in to translate, but was then told to not.


Um, mam’ this woman doesn’t understand what you’re saying. I’m trying to help you out.

“Sir, STEP BACK or you will be arrested.” Yes my friends. I was dealing with The MAN.

Someone in the back yelled out that the you are not able to eat or drink on the Metro. The elderly woman felt horrible and threw away her orange globe of horror. Did the Metro officer stop? No. She continued to berate this woman in a manner that I felt was completely unnecessary. She was The MAN.

I think that same year a woman was arrested for eating a PayDay bar…..

So, yesterday, I was riding the Metro Bus like I normally do when I saw something glorious. To my right was a Metro worker. The same kind that is able to arrest people for eating malicious candy bars and evil drinks on any Washington DC transit system.
What was she doing? See for yourself:

Oh no, that is not Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass on her lap. That, my friends is a Wendy’s salad. Don't let the "W" confuse you. God knows we Americans have been confused enough by that letter.

Maybe she was going to look at it and eat it later. She knows the rules that she enforces with an iron fist. Oranges, chocolate bars, sodas? Not on her watch mami! But wait:

mmmmmmmmm Thousand Island dressing.............

Si, it looks like the rules and regulations of Metro don’t apply to the very people who yell at elderly women and handcuff people for having a quick snack. This, mis amigos, is a perfect example of The MAN.

Look, I like that our Metro system is very clean. I really do. It would just be nice to see the The MAN following their own rules. This, was just my little way of fighting to keep The MAN down.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 11:10 AM, Blogger angie said...

typical of the MAN . . .

At 11:45 AM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I might have been able to forgive her if it were simply a vinagrette dressing.

But Thousand Island dressing? Oh, that is so wrong on so many levels.

At 12:11 PM, Anonymous 2leftwings said...

"...squirrel spit of a man..."

I'll save that in my back pocket until I can use it, if you don't mind.

At 12:26 PM, Anonymous Advicelord said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 12:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

El Guapo,

You should send this to the complaint email address at Metro and also to the Washington Post. I've sent a couple of complaints to Metro in the past that always went ignored until I sent them to the Washington Post. I guarantee you that got their attention!

At 1:48 PM, Blogger Thicky said...

Please send this to Metro!!! That is such bullshit. When I use to ride from Arlington to Tyson's, the woman used to bug out when I got the wrong transfer (new to Metro at the time). I had done it maybe twice because I kept forgetting. So I didn't have fare once, and she kicked me off. Later that week, she picked up her baby daddy, he was digging for coins, and she gestured to not pay. I was so pissed. I looked at her in in her rear view mirroe because I know she was lookiing to see if anyone noticed this; she looked dead at me and I just shook my head. BITCH!!!

At 1:50 PM, Blogger K said...

I LOVE that you took photos of her. I hope she noticed.

At 3:54 PM, Blogger Velvet said...

And there you were, with your cameraphone...awesome.

At 4:21 PM, Anonymous stove said...

Wyclef Jean was on the Metro? Sweet! Did you get his autograph?

At 5:22 PM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

OMG. I can't believe you caught them on camera! Ha! I really, really love you.

At 6:06 PM, Anonymous NY Shopper said...

"that is not Walt Whitman’s Leaves of Grass on her lap." Ha ha, that made me laugh.

But, El Guapo, admit it--you actually had 12 items in your grocery cart at the 8-item checkout.

At 6:21 PM, Anonymous bklyn babe said...

Here in NYC we use our camera phones to take pictures of flashers on the subway. A lot of people here eat on the subway though. I'm generally ok with that except for the 3 course meals involving fried chicken.

But our subways here are easily the dirtiest in the US.

At 9:55 PM, Blogger ThaiMex1 said...

"Squirrel spit" is good but I've always used the term "Bug spit."

Always remember that "The Man" makes the rules but doesn't necessarily has to follow them. "Do as I say not as I do."

At 11:38 PM, Blogger KOB said...

Good work, El Guapo

At 11:21 AM, Blogger J-G said...

Excelente, Don Guapo.
But if I may digress on a necio note: "Payday" candy bars do not contain any of ancient Central America's gift to the world, chocolate =^).

At 2:36 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Si, gracias. Mistake corrected.

El Guapo

At 11:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

And this friends, is why bloggers are journalists. Nice going Guapo.

At 7:14 AM, Anonymous MappyB said...

Great post! I love it, and I feel righted in so many ways. You should send this in, to the Express too. Let all the readers know. :)

At 7:36 AM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

Congrats on your mention in the Express today! I just knew they were going to catch it. Too bad they did not feature the picture in the little photo circle.

At 1:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"elvis was a hero to some, but he never did mean **** to me"...fight the powers that be (and watch out for those MC-13 (or whatever) dudes.
paz y amor
gringo in brasil

At 2:31 PM, Anonymous itsbug said...

Just another example of "Metro At Its Best" I wonder if she will get handcuffed and harrased by Metro police. Once I was for eating a cracker while waiting for a train, I was sick and was going home and literally took 2 bites of a cracker, and three goons came up to me and harrased me for 20 minutes, oh and I did get a ticket for $10.00. This woman clearly does not understand the rules, or maybe she just can't read.

At 3:00 PM, Blogger Mr. Anthrope said...

Ah, but I'm sure the employee has an excuse - She took the special Eating on the Metro for Employees class. We mere civilians aren't properly trained to handle such a task.

At 3:15 PM, Blogger Crazy Girl City said...


At 7:50 PM, Anonymous Shannon said...

Hypocracy was invented by the MAN. But we will overcome!

Note: You can't eat a Wendy's salad without a breadstick, for Pete's sake. These people have no decency!

At 5:16 PM, Blogger Joe said...


At 2:00 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Please help me out. What exactly does guapo or el guapo mean? Thanx


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