El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Thursday, July 27, 2006

The Check

“You’re not going to do anything?”

Miguel was right behind me making eye contact with our new friend.


“En Serio, you’re not going to do anything?”


My answers were being made from the side of my mouth while I stared right ahead.

“Do you want me to do something? CAN I do SOMETHING?”

No. No.

Every man in the entire world has experienced what I experienced today.

Miguel and I were at a local crowded bar here in DC having a couple of drinks after a long day. It was one of those days that make your eyes vibrate from your pulse. But hey, after a long day, there are very few things that are better than a drink with friends. That’s all I wanted to do. I wanted to drink beer, hear a couple of Miguel’s recent adventures and go home. That’s it.

I was walking, crab-like, through the bar area to get two beers when it happened. I got shoulder checked. A stocky, buzz-cut, tight blue polo shirt, 75-inch necked, cargo khaki blonde guy really shoulder checked me. This was no mistake. This neck model was in Alpha male mode.

Maybe he was having a bad day as well. I mean, his frosted bangs were hanging a little bit to the side. His skin was reddened from going out in the sun after falling asleep in his garage tanning bed. He had pennies in his loafers. Oh Santo Alfredo, he's the Penny in the loafer guy.

The thing is, when I was 18, 19, 20, I dreamed of moments like this. Actually having something like this happen to me back then was like a dream come true. You see, I was what they call a pugilist back in the day. I’m Guatemalan. I’m not tall. I’m not bulky. Other than being extremely guapo, I’m not intimidating. I was just always able to take a punch better than the other guy. Si, I know, it's yet another Guatemalan gift. We can take punches.

Ten years ago would have caused a Zidane-like headbutt to his face, but not now. Not anymore.

I felt sorry for this guy. I looked at his frosted tips and imagined the Vanilla Ice CD that he rocks out to in his car with the windows up or when he gets ready in the morning. I looked at his cargo pants and imagined him shopping through an Abercrombie and Fitch catalog secretly admiring the models and wanting to look like them. Ten bucks says his wallet was in the side, lower pocket. Then I thought about the pennies in his loafers and I…well, that is just tacky. Come on, now, pennies?

So as I felt Miguel behind me wishing that I would do something I pushed him back without turning around. I tilted my head and bit my bottom lip while making eye contact with the penny saver. Then, I smiled.

I am sorry. I am a clumsy walker.

“Yep. Watch where you’re going man.”

Yes. I will. Please, my apologies.

I held both of my hands to my heart asking for “forgiveness”. What he didn’t know was that my friend Miguel had yet to give up his pugilistic ways.

Besides, he had pennies in his shoes. I just felt sorry for him. I just wanted a beer.

All of a sudden I realized that I was a mature, guapo Guatemalan and the guy, well, he had frosted tips and pennies in his shoes. I win.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 4:00 AM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I tug my beard with respect to you.

Nicely played.

At 6:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

very manly of you. applause from a woman with cajones, too.

At 6:34 AM, Blogger P1P said...

Well done. Don't sweat the small stuff. If you and Miguel had stuffed him what would that have accomplished? I find being excessively polite works better. Tends to confuse the gorillas.

At 9:21 AM, Anonymous pagalina said...

Guatamalen AND mature? DREAMY! Next you'll be telling me that you never pee in the shower!

At 9:27 AM, Blogger rock_ninja said...

Without even taking the Guatemalan heritage into account, this makes you much hotter than penny in the loafer guy.

At 10:28 AM, Anonymous Sweet said...

Well done. You have nothing to prove. It wasn't that long ago that you chased down that crackhead to get your necklace back.

At 1:57 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Vanilla Ice and Abercrombie & Fitch... that's a hell of a combo!

At 6:51 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

Was his collar popped, too?

Happy weekend and hoist a few for me!

--The Gal

At 8:50 PM, Blogger Andraste said...

Yes, I want to know if his collar was popped as well.

But well done, El Guapo. You're a better man than I. I'd have head-butted him.

At 1:55 PM, Blogger Debby said...

A sincere and heartfelt BRAVO

You are by far the better man!

At 8:05 PM, Blogger Woozie said...

penny loafer boy was pinche pendeho wey... I would have bite his dick off

Coming to you from Texas

At 8:06 PM, Blogger Woozie said...

And yes i am a woman but that shit pisses me off.

At 4:02 PM, Blogger Johnny said...

I woulda beat his ass.

At 6:43 PM, Blogger Em said...

El Guapo--
I hope tu Linda will not mind that I'm developing a bit of a crush on you...Is there anyway you could come to MN to teach mi not-really-a-novio how to be as mature as you?

At 6:43 PM, Blogger Em said...

El Guapo--
I hope tu Linda will not mind that I'm developing a bit of a crush on you...Is there anyway you could come to MN to teach mi not-really-a-novio how to be as mature as you?

At 8:29 PM, Anonymous bottomrung said...

the frosted tips are a dead giveaway to a sad little life.

At 9:17 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

:::raising head weakly to read El Guapo before I collapse back into this heat::: Where is my cabana boy with the ice bucket?

At 7:17 AM, Blogger ThaiMex1 said...

Worse than shiny pennies in the loafers? Those tassles that some men think are in style on their loafers. I have a very good riend who shudders umcontrolably at the sight of shoe-tassles.


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