El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Thursday, July 20, 2006

New rule

Lately, all I ever seem to hear about in DC is the weather. I turn on the TV and the anchor is saying something like, “Boy Samantha, it sure is hoooot out there! How much longer are we going to have to put up with this?”

I open up a newspaper and I see pictures of a mother pouring her Fiji Water on her kid with an article about how the heat is going to continue.

Every other conversation that I overhear is in regards to the weather and frankly, I’m a little tired of it.

I know, I know, I know, it’s hot outside. But guess what? It’s fucking July. It gets hot in July. This is not some crazy phenomenon that makes your eyes widen. It’s July. Every single year it’s the same thing. I know that come July, in Washington DC, I’m going to have to get dragged into the same conversation. The stupid line that people say when it gets hot in DC. You all know it. You all hate it:

“It’s not so much the heat but the humidity.”

Why do we do this to each other? Why is this sentence repeated every, single, year? Why?

Guess what? When I look down the street I see the same haze that you do. When I go outside I too have to put up with my clothes sticking to my body (my really sexy Guatemalan body).

When you say this to me, do you know what I want to do? I rather you pick up a brick off the street, no, not that one, that one, yes, the one with the yellow paint on it, and I want you to hit me over the head with it. Not on the face or anything because my face is my thing, but right where the hair starts on my head. Just bash me.

If you have nothing better to say to me than, “It’s not so much the heat but the humidity,” then I rather you hit me over the head with a brick. Trust me, my feelings are not going to be hurt if we don’t have something to talk about every time we see each other. I’m a nice guy. Chances are I like you. You’re buena gente. I don’t bring up the weather. Why? Because I know that people talk about weather when they have nothing else better to talk about.

Just keep on walking, say hello, hell, don’t even say hello if you don’t want, nod your head and smirk in that uncomfortable way when you’ve seen someone for the 7th time in the hallway. Just keep on your merry way if you have nothing to say to me. Don’t bring up the weather.

We need to stop this vicious cycle of not the heat the humidity thing. We really must. I can’t take it anymore. In fact, I’m dubbing July the Shut your hole about the weather month. I hope that you all partake. It’s fun. Try it.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

17 Comments:

At 5:10 AM, Blogger Steve R said...

Si el Guapo I am definitely with you on this one. Where I'm from (calgary), the weather is always weird. its just life. So yes, its equally irritating to have people rant about it. Cheers to Shut yer Hole month!
steve

 
At 7:41 AM, Blogger sparkles anonymous! said...

Amen, amen, amen. It's so annoying how the weather people always talk in these shocked tones about how hot it is in July/August (and then, how cold it is in January). Save the shock for when it's freezing in August and 97 degrees in January. THAT would be worth mentioning.

 
At 8:03 AM, Blogger Tricia said...

I completely agree, but its not just the summer heat...er humidity! These turdballs do it in the winter too...ya know when it's SUPPOSED to be frigid?

"It's not so much the snow, I can handle snow--it's the ice!"

My teeth grind when I hear it.

 
At 8:27 AM, Blogger P1P said...

I'm English over here the weather is a national obsession. Except we say, " I like it hot but not this hot". Annoys the hell out of me.

So yeah, supported. Make it Global shut it about the weather month

 
At 10:16 AM, Blogger Guy said...

In Israel we have something else. In the summer it gets humid pretty much everywhere, except parts in the north and south of the country. Whenever someone comes back from a vacation from those places to the coastal plain, which has an average humidity of 65-70%, they say "I was just in ____, and although it was hotter, it was a DRY heat, and I didn't sweat so much." Guess what? I know this. I've been there myself more than a handful of times. It's not news to me.

I think "Shut your hole about the weather" should be a yearly observance, except when it's really weird.

 
At 10:55 AM, Blogger Phil said...

I will comply with your order.

It would be nice if the news anchors and weatherpersons stopped their inane banter as well.

 
At 11:00 AM, Anonymous Sweet said...

Agreed. If I hear anyone say something like that, I'll follow your example and I'll hit em with a brick.

 
At 12:54 PM, Blogger Raincouver said...

Is it my imagination, or is it really hoooooot in heere?

 
At 1:37 PM, Anonymous Diana Barry Blythe said...

LOL
Our weather talk is more "Is it hot enough for you?"

 
At 2:35 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

O.K. I won't say that anymore about Washington weather. I wonder how hot and humid it is in Guatemala right now?

 
At 4:23 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I would say it's not the heat, it's the stupidity.

 
At 4:59 PM, Blogger Debby said...

I'm in - last night at 7PM it was still 103 - if one more person asks me if it is hot enough for me, I am going to kill them and bury them in a damn corn field for some farmer to find!!!!!!

 
At 8:59 PM, Blogger C'est la vie!! said...

LOL...."no es tanto el calor pero la humedad"...no te creas...no me vayas a tirar un ladrillo :-P

 
At 9:28 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

Customer exchange with me:

"Where'd you go on vacation Restaurant Gal?"

"Vegas"

"In July? Kinda hot there in July, isn't it? You know 110 or something? But it's a dry heat, right?"

"Sure."

Oh please, 110 is hot and I cannot have that conversation ONE MORE TIME this week!

Appreciate the opportunity to rant about idiotic weather ranting.

--The Gal

 
At 1:11 AM, Anonymous a southern belle said...

Sounds like the heat is making someone a little cranky. Or is it the humidity? ;-)

 
At 2:08 AM, Blogger Woozie said...

I dread "the real" summer here, it is hot all year around --- we are lucky to get 30 days of 50 to 70 degreed weather!

And I don't like wearing shorts and a sleveless shirts at Christmas...it just ain't right.

All sweaty and hot in Texas ....

 
At 10:44 AM, Blogger Little Miss Anthropic said...

I love the heat and the humidity! Oh, whoops! I'm talking about the weather. Um...sorry....Guapo...would it be okay with you if I complained about menstrual cramps? Or, have you heard enough about that, too? :)

 

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