El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Wednesday, March 07, 2007


I don’t understand. What do you mean by that statement?

“I just don’t like papayas.”

That makes no sense to me. How can someone not like papayas? You must be eating them out of season.

“No. I’ve had them during different times of the year. Even in different countries. I just don’t like them. I think it’s the texture I don’t like.”

The texture? You don’t like the delicious papaya because of the texture? What is the texture?

“It’s stringy. And they have those sticky, black, round seeds in them. I don’t like the way they look.”

Stringy. Sticky, black, round seeds. Because of this you don’t like the delicious papaya?

“Why are you making such a big deal about this?
“What do you mean she didn’t like papayas?”

She said she didn’t like the texture. The seeds were black and sticky.

“The texture? What does that even mean? Why does she care about the seeds? You don’t eat the seeds! The seeds don’t matter! You scoop out the seeds.”

That’s what I tried telling her, but she said something about not liking to eat something that touches sticky, black seeds.

“But the papaya is delicious! Maybe she’s had it during the wrong times of the year?”

Yeah, no. She just didn’t like the papaya. I tried to cover all angles.

“So what happened?”

I’m not sure I can be with someone who doesn’t like the delicious papaya. I could not even have a conversation after that. I started wondering that maybe she didn’t like the delicious mango or the tamarind. I just couldn’t do it.


What about it?

“She probably doesn’t like them either. They have seeds inside. Coconut. No seeds, but she probably doesn’t like the texture of the coconut meat either.”

I hadn’t thought about the coconut. I love coconut.

“Who doesn’t? She probably doesn’t! This whole conversation just put me in a bad mood. I’m going home. I never want to meet her.”

Miguel will never actually meet this one. I will likely never see her again, but she was nice. That is, if you like the papaya hating type.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 10:37 PM, Blogger A Margarita said...

I'm first! It's all about the small pleasures. Yeah, if she doesn't like papayas, she might not like flan . . . the horror

At 11:16 PM, Anonymous Melissa said...

Tell her to squeeze fresh lime juice on top of the papaya...she might like it like that. That is, if you ever see her fruit hating ass again...(did she have a nice ass by the way?)

At 11:48 PM, Blogger Lisa said...

My friends all seem to have an aversion to celery. This boggles my mind. It's so crisp, and fresh, and lovely! It tastes like spring! Again with the stringy texture. Maybe these people ate hair as children and never recovered. You're in the right here. Ditch the hater.

Rad blog. Glad I found it.

At 1:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you're either crazy or a genius. maybe a little of both. either way, i'm in love with you.

At 9:03 AM, Anonymous Juju Bean said...

What about papaya juice? Maybe blend it together with some orange juice to get her used to the taste?

At 10:01 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Papaya margarita!

At 11:49 AM, Blogger casey said...

and i don't life twinkies...just something about the texture inside. the white spongey stuff. i've tried them in many different countries, many of which purported to make them. i've had them stale and then less stale, but still, i think it must be the texture i don't like.

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Namaste said...

tee hee.

At 12:27 PM, Anonymous Bob said...

I'm with her. I love mangos, guavas, tamarinds, coconuts, etc, but papayas? They smell wonderful, but taste - distinctly - of vomit.

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Rebecca said...

Despite what she said, I'm convinced she never had a fresh papaya in-season. Even eating them in different seasons, it can be hard to get a good, fresh, ripe papaya in the US. And even eating them in different countries, you still have to make sure they're fresh and ripe. I love papaya, but I can't say I've ever had a really good one in the US, and when I was in South America I was eating them fresh off the plants, not buying them from a store. No, she's never had a fresh, in-season papaya.

At 1:51 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey, maybe she is simply not a fruit person. Where does she stand on pupusas?

At 5:18 PM, Blogger Mujer Morena said...

I have to go with Bob on this one -papayas do taste like vomit - baby vomit to be precise.

At 7:35 PM, Blogger Mel said...

I'm with Bob. Vomit. Well said.

At 10:03 PM, Blogger always write said...

My mother once told me, "Never trust a man who doesn't have a good appetite." I live by this law and extend it to gastronomic liberality: Lips that doth not taste gefilte fish shall never know the kiss of mine. (Mine lips, that is; not mine gefilte fish.)

At 11:33 AM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I like dried papaya chunks mixed into my muesli at breakfast. Does that count?

At 12:50 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

I can't believe so many of you think the delicious papaya smells like vomit. I am very hurt by all of this.

At 6:02 PM, Blogger emeralda said...

oh guapo, guapo, guapo
what about girls who dont like to eat meat?
(the other kind of meat, not yours, my dear)

At 6:05 PM, Blogger emeralda said...

ps. i know this isnt of importance because rather obvious, but i couldnt let the opportunity pass to spread my grief-driven wisdom lol...
so here it goes: i think when you really love someone you think all that is cute. you d say oh miguel, how cute she doesnt like papaya.
haha. i met the perfect man in Berlin and dumped him because he was so boring.

anyway, hey, i hated tomatoes and a chef in paris told me, that hte ultimate goal of a chef is to make people WANT the food they dont like (you should try that with girls who dont like to give head. you should make them want to eat that meat so bad that it gets scary tee hee) anyways, so i didnt believe that is possible but that very night he convinced me otherwise....i saw those motherfucking tomatoes on the plate and my MOUTH WANTED THEM! THERE WAS WATER IN MY MOUTH LONGING TO MINGLE WITH TOMATOES!
i ll enver forget that night.
i love tomatoes ever since.

At 7:16 PM, Anonymous Tacoma! said...

I dislike papayas also...

(me: weaping)

I guess this means us running away together is out of the question?

At 8:36 PM, Anonymous Melissa said...

I was at the market today and bypassed the papayas...the "they taste like vomit" comments made me think twice. :-D

At 3:18 PM, Blogger Fabulously Broke in the City said...

I, am not a fruit hater, and will pretty much eat, and love every fruit. I have yet to find one that I really hate...

If you want a fruit that takes a very cultured palate to enjoy, try the durian. It's spiky, will literally poke through your skin like needles, has quite an odour and a very distinctive taste that most people gag at. :)


At 9:34 AM, Anonymous mel said...

Oooh, I love durian, even if it does smell like dirty socks!

At 1:45 PM, Blogger Lee said...

ix-nay on the apaya-pay.

At 6:48 PM, Anonymous Mariah said...


I love you Guapo!!

At 12:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I love papaya. I can't say I could identify a tamarind or a guava in a lineup though.

At 12:33 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

1) esmeralda, I think you're right about the thinking its cute thing eventually but it takes a while even when u already love someone-- first it gets on your nerves but after a few months u start thinking of them when u see the thing or like u r making a fruit salad and u leave out papayas because u know they dont like them and not in a frustrated way but in a loving way... but that takes time

2) rebecca - im not sure whether or not el guapo's lady friend has ever had a fresh papaya, but im definitely sure that most of the other commenters haven't

At 3:02 AM, Anonymous zim said...

I had papaya in my sushi today. I thought it was sweet potato b/c i ordered a yam Roll. Turns out i actually ordered mountain yam, which is different. Point being, i stuffed the papaya roll into my mouth (which my friend ordered) and i instantly knew it was not yam. I knew it was papaya because it tasted like vomit. i ate a vomit roll.


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