El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, May 08, 2007

The Hybrid

“What do you mean a hybrid.”

It’s a hybrid. It’s a bike that is both a road bike and a mountain bike.

“You live in a city. Why do you need something for the mountain? You don’t even know where the mountains are. Why didn’t you just get a city bike?”

It’s a hybrid bike. This way I don’t have to worry if I decide to go off-roading. If I do, I know that the bike will handle it?

“Off-Roading? You don’t even know what that means! Handle it? Is this why you have these yellow springs on there for?”

Miguel, mira, it’s a hybrid. The guy said it would be a good idea for me to buy it since I didn’t really know what kind of biking I was going to be doing. Who cares?

“Who cares? The guy sold you a bi-sexual bike.”

A bi-sexual bike?

“Si. A bi-sexual bike. You own a bi-sexual bike. You’re going to be riding down the street and people are going to say, ‘Oh, look at that man with the bi-sexual bike. He just can’t make up his mind.’ You’re embarrassing the good name Guatemalans have made for themselves by riding this thing. It’s horrible.”

It’s not that bad.

“You have a fucking water bottle on your bike! Where are you going that is so far that you’re going to have to reach down and get a drink? What are you doing?”

It’s a water bottle. I got it for free.

“And this helmet? Didn’t you have that same helmet when you were in the 3rd grade? Is that a bell? You have a bell?”

Hombre, it came with the bike.

“You are this close to losing your Latino card. Do NOT think that I won’t take it away. If anyone asks you, tell them that you’re from Argentina. I can’t believe that I’m still friends with you.”

With this, Miguel grabbed two apples out of my fridge and walked out of my house, but not before giving my bi-sexual bike a death stare. It’s a hybrid…

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 12:22 AM, Blogger E :) said...

I, too, have a hybrid. I bought my bi-sexual two wheeler six months ago and I am very satisfied with my purchase. Additionally, I have a bell, a helmet and a water bottle. Being bi-sexual means that the bike is a whole lot more versatile. Miguel will be very jealous of your bike in time. In fact, he probably is already.

At 4:30 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should be proud of your hybrid. Tell Miguel that his jealousy should be put under control. A bike is a bike. He can get a hybrid, too.

At 5:00 AM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

You got a bell and a water bottle with yours? You lucky bastard. Did you get mudguards? I had to pay extra for them too. And the helmet. And the high-visibility vest. And the lock. And the spare inner tube. And the puncture repair kit. And the funny little things to help lever the tyre off. And the all-in-one spanner thing. And the rucksack to carry everything in.

At 9:08 AM, Blogger Christopher Robin said...

LOL I love the term bi-sexual for a hybrid bike. You have to hand it to Miguel, he has a way with words. I'm going to have to use that one from time to time :)

At 9:36 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hybrids are awesome. Miguel's wrong, though, there's lots of use for a mountain bike within easy access of the city. If you want to do some semi-offroading in the DC area you can always head up the C&O. Start in Georgetown, head up to Great Falls and come back - it's a nice way to spend the afternoon.

At 11:19 AM, Blogger Namaste said...

love it.

At 11:44 AM, Blogger purserrant said...

Too funny...

At 12:10 PM, Blogger TheAmpuT said...

it came with the bell????
Punch you NOW??

At 12:51 PM, Blogger Jessie said...

hehehe...thank you for that...I needed to laugh this morning!


At 3:26 PM, Blogger green_canary said...

My bike has a bell. And streamers on the handlebars.

At 9:38 PM, Blogger Raven said...

Sorry to hear he doesn't like your bike. Tell him it could be worse, it could be a trike with an orange flag on the back.

At 11:43 PM, Blogger The Hangar Queen said...

Hola El Guapo,
So does that make my road bike a lesbian then? See you on the trail (W&OD,C&0,Rock Creek,Mt.Vernon....I haunt all of them)

At 8:33 AM, Blogger Lauren said...

Hey hey now, no throwing Argentina into the mix! I'm not mixing with u either! Say ur from Bolivia! :-)

At 9:06 AM, Blogger jenni said...

bi-sexual bike... that's hilarious.... are hybrid cars bi as well??

At 12:46 PM, Blogger savannah said...

just reaqd your guest blog ... and now this..i am in heaven!
(i am so using the bi-sexual car label instead of hybrid)

At 12:40 AM, Blogger emeralda said...

i am convinced that the two apples are only so fucking funny when you are a regular reader of this blog...gosh, i laughed so loud that the guy next to me in the cafe said, having fun HUH, be glad you are not doing any work!!! hahaha. whatever! man! that was funny. i love miguel with a dangerous passion. i am a gringa. he would totally just take advantage of me. shoots. anyways, yeah, the world was believed to be flat until someone proved them wrong. a guatemalan on a hybrid can prove even greater things. i mean, SERIOUSLY. when even a mustache guy gets on the bike, AL GORE has to worry about his name being mentionened ever again.

At 1:05 AM, Anonymous Latino World Council said...

This is an automated message. Please do not reply.

"Estimado El Guapo,

We have received intelligence over recent activities that represent a serious breach in the Latinoness inherent contract (1a-3.15, 15b-3.45, 35a-4.56). This is an official warning. Persistance in these kind of activities will result in the destruction of your Latino card. No matter how guapo you are.

Martha Lozano

At 5:22 PM, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

You tried to take away my Latino card for wearing a European (and yes, it was definitely european, not gay) sweater, then you go around pedaling DC on a bisexual bike?

Admit it, you're argentinian.


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