El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Friday, May 18, 2007

My Thursday Night of Terror

I never really wished someone’s fingers to cramp up so that they would stop playing the guitar. Until tonight.

I was dragged down to the 9:30 club to listen to a band called Son Volt. It’s hard to describe their sound, but it made my mustache melt. It is the closest thing that I can imagine to squirrels crying with a couple of guitars.

Really. I almost grabbed the chopsticks being used as a hair holder upper from the woman in front of me to stick in my ears. I needed the pain to stop. I have never walked out of a concert early, but tonight was the night.

Maybe I’m not being fair. I’m Guatemalan and my first language wasn’t English. For those of you out there who, like me, learned English second, you know that sometimes listening to English-language songs is difficult. I can’t always understand what they’re saying. I pick up a word here and there then hope the chorus is good and slow.

With these guys, I’m not sure, I think I heard the following words: limestone, shorts, jeans, shore, sad, tears and opaque. This could, of course, just be my gorgeous just had his mustache melted off by the sounds of hell, mind playing tricks on me, but I’m not so sure. After a while, I started to make up lyrics:

Through the grounds of limestone
And your sweet jean shorts
My tears of sadness just seem to moan

I remember your smile by the side of the lake
Back then you weren’t wearing blue
Oh baby it was opaque

Then after a couple more lyrics that made me realize that almost every song they were singing could easily be included on my Suicide Playlist, I left. I couldn’t deal with it anymore.

They should walk up to the side of the lake and toss all of their instruments in the water. The fish will probably all die and the lake will become barren for hundreds of years, but hey, that’s what you have to do to save humanity. I’m serious. My mustache melted.

My Internet is back.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

12 Comments:

At 8:32 AM, Blogger Sparkles Anon! said...

I dig the lyrics.

 
At 10:47 AM, Blogger TheAmpuT said...

Do you really think that people who speak English as their primary language can make out lyrics any better? HA!
Dude, if I'm singing along to ANY english speaking tune, it's probably because I read the liner notes or went to lyrics.com.
It gets even better when you try to decipher heavy metal. Try it sometime.

 
At 10:54 AM, Blogger green_canary said...

Your mustache melted... PRICELESS! El Guapo, you crack me up :-)

 
At 10:57 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I disagree with Theamput- after you get "used" to metal lyrics, they are actually rather easy to understand. ANd that's if you're listening to the heavy thrash/doom/black/death metal stuff (I'm aware of the stupidity of thousands of sub-genres...), but symphonic/melodic/power metal is actually much easier to understand that other music. At least, in my opinion it is.

The lyrics making any sense, however, is pretty much null and void. I don't think good music's lyrics make sense ANYWHERE anymore. I'm sure that you could argue that the pop stuff makes sense, but that's because it's so simplistic and just...gag-inducing, in my opinion.

Indie music, a la Son Volt, is just straight stupid. Metal may have a lot of faults, but indie is far worse.

And makes moustaches melt.

-Genius

 
At 2:14 PM, Blogger Lee said...

So will you wear a fake moustache until it grows back?

 
At 3:31 PM, Blogger emeralda said...

if i get a wireless internet i will password protect it. i hate people like me who steal it.
you can have my lady mustache until your's grows back. lol
JUST KIDDING

 
At 10:31 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

are your eyebrows still on?

 
At 11:38 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Glad you're back!!!

 
At 5:43 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

To think, on the same night, we were each "enjoying" the same style of melodic sounds, and felt compelled to write about it. Mine blared forth from a jukebox, however, and were happily made ignorable by copious amounts of a no-name wine.

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger Amy said...

This post was particularly wonderful to me. My husband likes, in my opinion, bands made up of people with less musical talent than a fish. A guppy, even. I'm getting my masters in music so I'm really picky (because knowing too much about something really ruins one's ability to just sit back and enjoy it), but I just can't take the same 4 chords played in the exact same key for hours on end. Just sounds...the same. And when the singer is less in tune than a dying rabbit, well, I just can't handle it.

Thank you for the melting mustache analogy...it will make the next priceless (as in, not worth the $2 cover charge) concert slightly more bearable. :)

 
At 2:32 PM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

...closest thing that I can imagine to squirrels crying with a couple of guitars

With descriptions like this, it's no wonder we love you so much El Guapo

 
At 4:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my favorite:
hair holder upper

i think i've actually said that before. -jm

 

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