El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, August 01, 2006

Thumb Crack

Oye, que pasa, we were just having a conversation. No? I was under the impression that we were having what some would call a “back and forth”, but obviously you disagree with me. Should I apologize? Maybe I should. Lo siento. I’m sorry. That blue, squared device is obviously more interesting than the words that are coming out of my mouth.

You have a Blackberry. You are OBVIOUSLY more important than me.

I cannot tell you how many times I’ve wanted to place that little machine somewhere very special. Perhaps somewhere that two thumbs cannot be used with such voracity. Not without practice anyway.

You have a Blackberry. Your job is SO important that it is absolutely necessary for you to be reached, via a written e-mail, at all times of the day.

The thing that makes me scratch my mustache in wonder is why so many government workers need to have a Blackberry. Isn’t this device of Satan meant to speed things up? What branch of the government works quickly? Would the DMV be faster if they all had Blackberries? Because if that’s going to make the woman with the little diamonds in her nails let me renew my driver’s license, then I say give them all one.

I was at my favorite pupuseria the other day when I looked to my right to see someone placing their blackberry on the bar. Why? Why do you do this? Can’t you keep this in your pocket or purse? Why must you mix annoying technology with my pupusas?

Is a belt clip really necessary? I don’t like the feeling of keys in my pockets either, but I fight through the pain because I like to open locked things that are mine. If you NEED to have access to e-mail on the bus then I think you can stand keeping it stored where no one can see it. Too big? Complain so that they make them smaller.

Send them an e-mail, from the bar, while we’re having a conversation…

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 8:35 AM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

The best thing you can do with blackberries, or brambles as they are known in Scotland, is make them into a crumble.

Click here for my wife's recipe

Bramble season will be with us in a few weeks. [wistful] Hmmmmm, blackberry crumble... [/wistful]

At 11:59 AM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I really don't think anyone's job is that important, not even the president's job.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Coley said...

Oh Guapo,
As always, you've got it soooo right. I'll extend that one further, people who leave their cell phones sitting on the bar. If your work is SO pressing, perhaps you should be there, instead of ata bar, annoying the rest of us.

At 2:00 PM, Blogger jali said...

A lot of the new teckie stuff is so annoying to me.

I hate the "Madonna" headsets. You're so f***ing rushed that you can't spare 13 1/2 seconds to fish the phone out of your bag and raise it to your ear?

My blackberry owning friends are seriously warped. All of them.

At 2:27 PM, Anonymous Sara said...

I've also heard them referred to as "crackberries." Now I can't call them anything else.

My boyfriend's job in the tech sector requires him to use one instead of his [far too] beloved cell phone. He loathes it. This does not prevent him from using it as an alarm clock.

Sometimes he goes to work out in the morning, leaves his little crackberry behind, and yet forgets to turn the alarm off. I tell him that next time I may not be able to restrain myself from hurling it out the window or smashing it into a million tiny pieces with the nearest beer bottle (or whatever). He just says, "Do it."

Sometimes I suspect he might be leaving that alarm on deliberately.

At 8:36 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

The pastry chef at my restaurant makes the most incredible blackberry pie. Now THAT's the way to use a blackberry.

--The Gal

At 5:51 PM, Anonymous ownthepress said...

And, what's up with the "sent from a Blackberry" header you get from the e-mails? Wow, somebody sent me a note from a Blackberry. I am special.

At 8:47 PM, Blogger Eric said...

Why a belt clip? Why leave it on the bar? Duh, how are people going to know how important you are if your kick ass phone is in your pocket. Get with it.

At 12:18 PM, Blogger Debby said...

yummy blackberry cobbler - can't wait to make some up as soon as they get ripe

and you are sooo right, they are the most annoying people in the world and should all be placed on their own little island and only be allowed to speak to each other (with their blackberry's only!!)

At 9:08 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

El Guapo, have you returned to Guatemala to join the Chapin rebellion?


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