El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Day of the Devil


But mamá, this isn’t the devil’s holiday. You just go around asking for candy.


Come ooooooon. Every year I’m the only one at school without any candy.

“Good. You can thank me later when you’re not fat with pimples.”

Mamá, I’m telling you. Trust me. Just let me go out with Miguel for one hour. I promise I won’t do anything to get in trouble.

“No. What is this holiday? Trick or treat? When the kids come by and I ask for a trick they look at me funny. Why do something to celebrate the diablo? No. Not in mi casa. I don’t care if you begin to eat the apple pie instead of my flan, you will not celebrate this holiday.”

Mamá, your flan is the best. You know your flan is the best. I don’t want to eat the apple pie. I just want to go out and get a little bit of candy.

“I know what you want. This is a day for the women to dress like street whores! Why do they do this El Guapo? Why do they do this?”

Mi madre likes to ask me questions only to answer them herself.

“I’ll tell you why they do this. They dress like street whores because it is the devil’s holiday and it is a night of temptation. A night of temptation that mi hijo is going to remain inside giving out the candy.”

Mamá! Why do we give out candy if it is the devil’s holiday? Aren’t you being a bit of a hypocrite?

“Now you call your mother names? The mother who carried you around for 10 months? Maybe I hugged you too much El Guapo. Is this my punishment Díos? Is this how I get repaid?”
Mi madre likes to speak to God who conveniently resides in or around our kitchen ceiling.

Fine. I’ll hand out the candy.

And this is how I spent most of my Halloween nights of my youth. That was until I figured out how to sneak out the back window and go dressed up as “Guatemalan children” with Miguel.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 10:52 PM, Blogger planner17 said...

El guapo, your posts had me laughing out loud, sobre todo the one about Cojones. Happy "Jalo-win", as we say in my rancho.

At 1:16 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That is so typical. And what's worse, many churches are behind this fear.

Thankfully, my mother being bolivian and my father mexican atheist, I got to go trick or treating :)

At 8:49 AM, Blogger E :) said...

If God resides near your kitchen ceiling you could make a whole lot of money by selling tickets to your house! Then you could afford to buy the candy you were so callously deprived of as a child.

At 9:22 AM, Anonymous La said...

Love it El Guapo. Give your Mom a hug on the "day of the devil" and thank her for keeping you trim and beautiful.

At 9:58 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mis estudiantes say, "Mister, why don't you give us candy?"

I always reply, "Because I don't celebrate this religious holiday."

I always get confused looks...jaja!

Love the blog, man!

At 11:35 AM, Anonymous AZ :o/ said...

My Dad concerning Halloween:

"My kids don't have to beg for candy! If you want candy, you ask me and I'll buy you candy!"

Needless to say, we didn't trick or treat.

At 12:37 PM, Blogger webcowgirl said...

If your handing out Flan, I'm there!

At 2:08 PM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

After all those years without the candy I hope, El Guapo, that you regularly thank your mother for the fact that your beautiful mustache is not greasy and that you’re not fat with pimples.

At 1:59 AM, Blogger Facinacion said...

Tardaste 10 meses en nacer?? that's .. poor mom

At 8:48 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

God's in your kitchen ceiling, huh? I'm guessing the devil's in the bathroom?

At 11:48 AM, Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

I've never been able to make apple pie. However, I make a great flan for a gringa!

At 2:40 PM, Anonymous Christine said...

Yea, the street whore aspect can be uneasy and tacky, but a veces me gustan the slutty costumes. A veces.

At 6:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

El guapo. me too, i was laughing out aloud. it reminded me of my ex (i hate saying that word but I might as well just get used to it writing it!). I had a discussion with him this year about halloween (yes we still talk) (fuck that) and how it is the devils holiday. i can't believe pentecostal people are so freaking uneducated on that topic. it's not. it's not the holiday of the devil, it's a mistake that people think that. it's the celebration of your ancestors. it's about bringing light into the darker nights, in Germany we don't even have halloween like you guys, but we have a lantern festival and kids find cookies hanging from bushes and trees and stuff because its also the holiday of St. Martin who shared his coat with the beggar.
Oh, I loved the line about how God resides near your kitchen ceiling. He resides in my ex'es uncle's house too. Not in my house nor heart, no no, no es possible!


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