El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

Cholesterol

“Mr. Guapo, we have to talk about your cholesterol level. It is much higher than the last time you were in here.”

I’m Guatemalan doctor. Like I told you on several occasions, we tend to go above and beyond what people like you feel is average. I don’t want to be average. Do you want to be average?

“…erm, Mr. Guapo, having high levels of cholesterol can lead to coronary heart disease and eventually a heart attack. We’re going to have to start watching your diet since Hispanic men tend to be more prone to heart disease.”

It figures. Doctor, it just wouldn’t be fair if we Latinos were so perfect. I guess Dios had to give us one little defect.

“Ok, Mr. Guapo, what is it that we’re eating that is raising our cholesterol?”

Doctor, I’m having a bit of an issue with your saying we here. What is it that we are going to do?

“Sir, I’m just trying to determine what in your life has changed to explain the rise in your cholesterol level. Do you have a sweet tooth? Do you eat fried food?”

Doctor, have you noticed that I’m Latino?

“Yes, you have mentioned it once or twice before.”

Well, doctor, sweets and fried food are two of the major food groups of mi gente. That is what we eat. We don’t eat tofu, your fancy seaweed or your egg whites. Do you know what we eat? We eat flan. We eat pupusas. We eat foods so savory and delicious that they require you to roll your r’s when pronouncing them. So unless you want me to stop being Latino, then I suggest that you back off and stop trying to take my flan away from me.

“Mr. Guapo, I don’t even know what flan is, but I’m going to write you a prescription for some Xanax. If you ever feel like you’re getting upset with your flan or others trying to take your flan take this pill. I think you can benefit from it. Your health is your choice, but at least try to cut back on fried foods.”

You went to Harvard and you don’t know what flan is? What kind of nonsense are they teaching you in that third tier medical school? Flan most likely contains all the nutrients in the world and can’t possibly be bad for you.

“Fine. Eat all the flan you want then.”

Hey, you’re the one with the degree from Harvard. You know best.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

14 Comments:

At 11:34 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hahaha, I like that skewed logic of yours.

But, we latinos don't eat fried things. That is much more gringo, isn't it?

 
At 3:40 AM, Blogger Facinacion said...

aa... you are a difficult patient :) My dad at some point had 400+ cholesterol level. Only that he was a "bit" older than you when this happned. Anyway...he was taking pills that were horrible. S... treated himself with a little receta Bolivia... 1 chuchusmuti seco en ayudas.
Anyay... Flan rocks!

 
At 8:51 AM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Fried plantains.
Fried yuca.
Fried cheese.
Fried chicken, Guatemalan style.

The gringos copied us.

 
At 11:47 AM, Anonymous Mom the Hipple said...

I just made flan for the first time last night. I will try it when I get home from work this evening. I hope it turned out ok, it is a lot of work to make but this gringa enjoys her flan and likes to cook so I thought it would be worth the effort. Tomorrow, I will make ceviche for the first time. Oh, and I have very low cholesterol, I am blessed and I eat flan every chance I get.

 
At 12:13 PM, Blogger Palestinian Princess said...

true, we latinos love fried food, and are very proud of it. Tostones, yuca frita, u name it, we fry it. Ur right, flan is great!

 
At 6:52 PM, Blogger The Girl with Moxie said...

I know of someone who would say, "If it ain't fried, it ain't food."

 
At 7:43 PM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Scotland: land of the deep fried mars bar.

When are you going to post a recipe for Flan, El Guapo? My wife's an incredible cook and she's looking for something special to make for my 40th birthday next month

 
At 8:38 PM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

Pollo Campero.
Rellenitos.
Tamales.
Enchiladas (Estilo Guatemalteco).
Frijoles fritos.

I don't see a single thing from that list that can be cut out from a true Guatemalan's diet. Even from a Latino's diet.

 
At 8:44 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I had fried yuca for the first time last week in DC. It was tremendous.

 
At 9:43 PM, Blogger angie said...

my doctor once walked into the room, holding my file in his hand and said "congratulations, angie . . . you're a cheese danish." (my cholesterol was preeeeetty high - but i live in texas donde there's too much tex-mex goodness to ignore.)

 
At 6:44 PM, Blogger Lana Wood said...

I hope you are ok with your cholesterol. Mine was high due to stress. Once my life calmed down, it went down. Apparently my metabolism was in constant flight or fight mode, and my body was preparing to hibernate or something. Anyway you slice it I am happy since my doctor is off my case now. Maybe you need to eat more flan so you can be more relaxed.

You can take some medicine to help you get it into a healthier range if you are unable to make enoguh headway with lifestyle changes.

Good luck!

P.S. I love flan too. Mmmmm

 
At 9:41 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

Sweets cause high cholesterol? Really!

All sweets? Sweet Tarts? MilkDuds? What if I switch to chocolate covered raisens, you know, to include a fruit? Can you ask your doc for me? I have no time to go to mine. Besides, what else--besides flan--would I eat for breakfast...lunch...a midafternoon snack?

Thanks in advance for following up,

The Gal

 
At 9:44 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

Make that "raisin." Geez, I can't even spell, I am so upset by this sweets connection to cholesterol news....

 
At 12:08 PM, Anonymous Yo said...

Flan is flan only con DULCE DE LECHE!!!!!

 

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