Cholesterol

“Mr. Guapo, we have to talk about your cholesterol level. It is much higher than the last time you were in here.”

I’m Guatemalan doctor. Like I told you on several occasions, we tend to go above and beyond what people like you feel is average. I don’t want to be average. Do you want to be average?

“…erm, Mr. Guapo, having high levels of cholesterol can lead to coronary heart disease and eventually a heart attack. We’re going to have to start watching your diet since Hispanic men tend to be more prone to heart disease.”

It figures. Doctor, it just wouldn’t be fair if we Latinos were so perfect. I guess Dios had to give us one little defect.

“Ok, Mr. Guapo, what is it that we’re eating that is raising our cholesterol?”

Doctor, I’m having a bit of an issue with your saying we here. What is it that we are going to do?

“Sir, I’m just trying to determine what in your life has changed to explain the rise in your cholesterol level. Do you have a sweet tooth? Do you eat fried food?”

Doctor, have you noticed that I’m Latino?

“Yes, you have mentioned it once or twice before.”

Well, doctor, sweets and fried food are two of the major food groups of mi gente. That is what we eat. We don’t eat tofu, your fancy seaweed or your egg whites. Do you know what we eat? We eat flan. We eat pupusas. We eat foods so savory and delicious that they require you to roll your r’s when pronouncing them. So unless you want me to stop being Latino, then I suggest that you back off and stop trying to take my flan away from me.

“Mr. Guapo, I don’t even know what flan is, but I’m going to write you a prescription for some Xanax. If you ever feel like you’re getting upset with your flan or others trying to take your flan take this pill. I think you can benefit from it. Your health is your choice, but at least try to cut back on fried foods.”

You went to Harvard and you don’t know what flan is? What kind of nonsense are they teaching you in that third tier medical school? Flan most likely contains all the nutrients in the world and can’t possibly be bad for you.

“Fine. Eat all the flan you want then.”

Hey, you’re the one with the degree from Harvard. You know best.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo