El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Thursday, September 28, 2006

The Morning

My eyes slowly open and my head turns away from the object that disturbed my slumber. It’s no longer dark out, but the sun isn’t out. What do they call this? Dusk? Dawn? Bueno, you know what I’m talking about. It is early.

“El Guapo, are you up?”

Morning, the devil’s hangover. Why do you torment me so?

“El Guapo, are you up?”

I feel pressure against my arm in a tapping manner.

“El Guaaaaaaaaaapo, are you up?”

I have a confession to make to all of you. For almost one year you have read about how absolutely perfect in all ways the Guatemalan man is. You have read in a sometimes long-winded fashion about how this Guatemalan was the Guatemalan of Guatemalans with his Guatemalanness. You have read about my perfect Mayan hair, my tan skin and the mustache that could very well inspire poetry. You have read about my skill on the dance floor and with the women of the world, well, you may have read about my prowess in the bedroom. Well, I’d like to speak about this last point and something that I have had a difficult time with.

You see, years ago I decided that I no longer recognized the morning. It was a time of the day that I frankly could do without, so I removed it from mi vida. My life has been perfecto without it. The only problem I have with this is that the rest of the world has yet to adopt my belief system and continue to acknowledge its presence. This includes mi Linda.

Not only does mi Linda acknowledge and partake in morning activities, she believes the morning is a good time for amorous encounters.

In the beginning of our relationship, like all men in the beginning of a relationship, I ignored my belief system and gave into her advances. I did this not only for my pride, but I did it for Latinos everywhere. It is very important that the image of the Latin lover continues. And who am I to disrupt this image? But now, it has been many months and my belief system has started to strengthen once again.

Mujer, not in the morning. I know how hard it is to lay next to me and actually close your eyes to sleep, but I’m tired. Let me sleep for just one hour, maybe two. Por favor! Close your eyes. I know it's hard. No pun intended.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 5:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

El Guapo, guapo as you may be, you have lost some serious points in my eyes. The morning is the best time for amorous encounters, and I stongly dislike dating guys who prefer sleep over those encounters. You can go back to sleep after. I don't understand you.

At 7:27 AM, Blogger P1P said...

Suck it up. Being single at the moment I have no pity for you. Boo Hoo it's too early for the sex.

I feel the way I felt when My teacher crushed my santa claus beliefs.

Shame on you!

At 10:18 AM, Blogger Law-Rah said...

I must agree with Rebecca on this one. Morning is the best!

At 10:36 AM, Blogger rock_ninja said...

Morning is the best, but only when you can go directly back to sleep afterwards for several hours. Possibly while still on top.

At 10:37 AM, Blogger rock_ninja said...

Oh, and I'm completely down with the getting rid of the morning campaign. I've been working on this for years. Morning. Bah.

At 11:53 AM, Blogger Crankster said...

Morning sex is fine. As long as you never went to sleep.

At 11:09 PM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

El Guapo, amigo mio, escucha. Listen good and listen tight, because after that post, you're only worth saying this to once: any man who leaves his woman unsatisfied after being given the opportunity to satisfy her has (this is the important part) no cause for complaint if she takes his failure to meet his obligations as an invitation for her to look elsewhere. Do you realize there are parts of the world where a woman can get a divorce simply by going into her local house of worship and stating publicly: "He won't satisfy me." That's it. He's single again. I know you haven't married tu Linda yet, but it's too early to be heading down that path.

At 4:35 AM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

Morning sex, in fact staying in bed for any reason in the morning is a long forgotten activity once you have children.

At 8:32 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I call that Folgers sex, Cause it's the best part of waking up.

At 1:21 PM, Blogger angie said...


morning sex is . . . well, it's SEX! besides it is the best part of waking up! i agree with foilwoman - after such behaviour, you can NEVER complain . . . besides, do it for the under-sexed singles like P1P . . . shame on you! Sheesh!

At 2:35 PM, Blogger avocadoinparadise said...

La madrugada. Isn't that the name for that time of day/night? Really late, bordering on morning. That's what I learned from some spaniards. :)

I personally don't like morning nookie much either. It's just too early. I need to get up & have some hot beverage first.

At 4:16 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I think, quite possibly, you are the first man I've ever heard of that doesn't get into morning sex. And for that, El Guapo, I applaud you. Bueno.

At 7:05 AM, Anonymous Junior said...

I hate mornings... and morning sex is great but so is afternoon sex and evening sex and night sex... Men are always horny, while the women usually aren't, so when they are i say do it, but when you've been in a long relationship like you have, i think your allowed to say no every once in awhile... Sleep is awesome too ya know...

At 12:32 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

Foilwoman, you seem to be arguing that women who are sexually unsatisfied by their partners have the right to seek sexual satisfaction outside of the relationship. Interesting idea. How many women do you think would be willing to grant the same right to their boyfriends and husbands?


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