El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Thursday, October 12, 2006

Couch Redemption

About 3-4 years ago, I was rummaging through my neighbor’s mail and I came across a furniture catalog that caught my eye. Normalmente I don’t bother with these catalogs, but this one had a special quality that made my beautiful Latino eyes stop. I set aside his copy of Playboy and opened up the glossy pages.

There was a couch contained within these pages that made my jaw drop. Now, note that I normally could care less about furniture, but this couch was beautiful. It seemed to have been splashed with all of the warm colors found in nature and in a Latino household: red, yellow, orange etc etc. It was glorious.

I knew that if I owned this couch, any woman that saw it would say, “El Guapo, please make love to me on this couch right now.” I needed this couch. This was a magical couch.

Unfortunately, the price tag on this couch was very much out of my price range. But I needed this couch. So for the next several months I did side jobs, I saved, I scrimped, not one couch pillow was left unturned until I had saved every penny needed (plus tax) to buy this couch that was surely inspired by the most Guatemalan saint Pedro de San Jose Betancourt, or as we call him, Hermano Pedro.

But mis amigos, I will tell you something. I never did get this couch. When I went to the store, in Virginia mind you, I was treated with indifference and disrespect. I sat on this couch and every hair on my body rose up in excitement. I was finally going to be able to say this was mine. But no. It was not so.

When I asked a man for some help, I received this response:

“Look man, come back another time. We don’t have layaway. I’m busy with my clients.”

Layaway… First of all, we don’t do layaway. Second, I don’t know what happened. I had what was a good chunk of cash sitting in yellow envelope in my pocket ready to be handed over, but I refused. Maybe I should have showed him the money, but I didn’t feel it necessary to make a point. This store was not going to be getting my business.

Then the other night I happen to overhear a conversation. This store was going bankrupt.

Now, I don’t want to take complete credit for this, but I will tell you that a big factor in Storehouse’s parent company going bankrupt is because one of their salespeople was given the Guatemalan curse. Now, do I feel good that people are going to be out of a job? No, I know what this is like. I hope they find something very soon. But do I have something to say to Storehouse? Si. I do. Crate and Barrel is better anyway bitch.

That is all.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

23 Comments:

At 2:17 AM, Anonymous aurea said...

Maybe having such an asshole salesperson contributed to the store's going bankrupt. You probably found something better to do with the money, anyway.

 
At 3:46 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

my family had a similar experience at a Honda dealership once. We ended up buying a Toyota.

 
At 5:55 AM, Blogger sha said...

I wouldn't have been so nice. In fact I would have complained to the management. Nobody deserves to be treated like that.

 
At 1:47 PM, Blogger The Girl with Moxie said...

Remember the Cosmetic Center? After a very bad experience in their Gaithersburg store, I put a curse on them - not a Guatemalan curse, just your average white girl curse. They went out of business too.

El G, maybe we should start a business of selling hexes and curses to people that have received poor customer service. I think we would become millionaires within days.

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

"Curses R Us". I can see the potential in that.

 
At 3:14 PM, Anonymous may said...

customer sevice. what is that?

 
At 8:46 PM, Blogger C'est la vie!! said...

LMFAO @

About 3-4 years ago, I was rummaging through my neighbor’s mail and I came across a furniture catalog that caught my eye.

do u do this on a daily basis or what?

 
At 9:49 PM, Blogger Crankster said...

A friend of mine had a problem with a difficult cashier at a University bookstore. The following semester, my friend went to the same cashier and paid for a $50 textbook with pennies.

 
At 10:09 PM, Anonymous Diana Barry Blythe said...

Wow. This kind of thing happens to you all the time, doesn't it?


That must have taken the fun out of the idea of purchasing. I know it would have for me.

 
At 11:11 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

That asshole. I despise that attitude. I received that attitude too, once, in a movie theater. Stupid manager didn't want to change my tickets for the same movie at a later hour, even though it was his system's fault I got the wrong ticket.

I guess he thought I was younger (I was 20 at the time) and dismissed me as a brat. It was soooo humiliating because my out-of-state cousins were there and it messed up their last day.

I called his boss, though, and told him what had happened. He took it seriously too and apologized profusely and assured me he would talk to him. I don't know if he followed through but I memorized the manager's name. Karma is a bitch.

 
At 2:54 AM, Blogger Facinacion said...

Way to go... you work side jobs to save for something you really like and you let a racist prick discourage you ???
Not sure if you made a point there and not sure why you would get satisfaction out of just walking away.
I have been treated like that before. Once at MAC make up... but why would i hand my power to an ignorant bastard? no! I'll get what I went to get to the store. I could care less what this person thinks or doesn't think of Latinos. Plus, I love seeing how ashamed they feel once they realized that you are the "patron."

 
At 12:17 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I can see it now...

El Guapo's Couch Emporium

You could sell Guatemalan couches. You would make a fortune!

 
At 1:14 PM, Blogger NewYorkMoments said...

Is there anyway that El Guapo, the most guapoest muchacho in the monda could give this sexy gringa special dispensation to use the Guatemalan curse? I've got problems with the bitch next door...

 
At 8:55 AM, Blogger Phil said...

I'm glad you took a stand EG. I was treated in similar fashion at Rich's when they found me under the covers of one of their display beds (I was only trying it out).

It was the fact that I like to sleep in the nude that bothered them, though.

Rich's went out of business, too.

 
At 10:50 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

What a jerk! I'm sorry you didn't get your couch.

 
At 4:26 PM, Anonymous Ricardo said...

I am upset that you would just leave like that without doing something about it. Being Latino myself, I have experienced situations like that and you must take action in order for those ignorant assholes to realize their ignorance. Plus, it feels good to put assholes in their place...

 
At 9:32 PM, Blogger Veronica said...

You were the bigger man, El G.
Hmmm...

 
At 3:37 AM, Anonymous AZ said...

I (a Japanese Mexican) was shopping at an upscale department store in Phoenix, AZ, with my girlfriend (a cute blonde) we approached the cosmetic counter from two different directions because we were browsing in two different isles, there was a black woman standing at the counter waiting for the attendant. So black woman standing and waiting, then I came up to the counter, the attendant glanced up at me and looked down again, and then my girlfriend walked up to the counter and the attendant went straight to my girlfriend and said "May I help you?" My girlfriend directed her to the blank woman and said "she was here first." That store just recently went out of business. I never shopped there again after that incident.

 
At 12:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Throughout life people will make you mad,
Disrespect you and treat you bad
Let God deal with the things they do
Cause hate in your heart will consume you too

from a will smith song...

 
At 1:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You put aside a playboy magazine to look at a furniture catalogue? I'm sorry, but you lost me right there. Between that and not believing in morning sex, I'm starting to wonder....

 
At 10:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

going out of biz means big sale... time for another shopping trip.. where is that red pick up truck?

 
At 3:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

So did you go buy the magical couch at the liquidation sale? I'm not sure that one should pass up on a couch that causes women to demand sex on the spot, asshole salespersons notwithstanding. :)

 
At 2:59 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I know it's beside the point, but I really want to see a picture of this couch.

 

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