El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

Miguel, Yogurt y No Spoons

Miguel came over today as he does most days to eat my food. I have a better selection of food he says. Why doesn’t he buy the same things that I buy? He says that he forgets. He never washes the dishes after he leaves. He comes over, eats, talks and leaves. A real amigo that one.

Today, he was eating my yogurt. He likes yogurt. Banana.

“I like this banana yogurt, El Guapo. It’s the one name of a fruit that is the same. No one can make fun of me for the way I say it.”

I was actually out of spoons today. They were dirty, in the sink. Miguel, bless his heart, ate my yogurt with a knife.

You’re that lazy that you can’t wash out a spoon? You have to eat it with a knife?

“El Guapo, that’s the difference between you and me. You, bueno, you wash out the spoon. Not me. I eat yogurt with a knife. Just an ejemplo of how I live life on the edge.”

Do you eat soup with a machete?

“You have soup?”

This week, when he wasn’t pilfering my food, he bought a new wallet. Miguel is able to buy nice things for himself because he saves money on food.

Why am I telling you this today? Bueno, today I did something that I haven’t done in a very long time. Let me just say that many years ago I was a different person. Guapo as always, but different with mi vida. I have chosen a different path since then, but the skills acquired from that period in mi vida remain. Now, only used as party tricks and as practical jokes. So, anyway, before Miguel left, I borrowed his wallet.

In part, this is your fault, because I now feel the need to share what I find amusing with you:



Is this not the ugliest wallet you have ever seen in your entire life? I feel this wallet gives you a very good idea of Miguel. Only a “Miguel” could have such a wallet. It is so unnecessarily big that it doesn’t fit in any of his pant pockets. He claims it is made of crocodile, but I believe it to be made from some sort of rat. It is so obscene that people laugh when he pulls it out.

Me? No, I don’t laugh. Because only a man who eats yogurt with a knife can have such a wallet. Solamente un Miguel...

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

16 Comments:

At 12:22 AM, Anonymous Diana Barry Blythe said...

Yes the wallet is hideous. Wow!

So these people you talk about actually exist? That's interesting.

For some reason the blog always seems to read like a tv episode or scenes from a movie. :)

 
At 7:34 AM, Blogger Rev. Brandy said...

Hilarious, as always. Glad to see you are now using your powers for good, and not for evil . . . although posting the photo of the wallet on your blog may be considered evil. It is priceless!

 
At 10:59 AM, Anonymous Melissa said...

That is one ugly wallet. It looks like snake skin, only the skin of a very ugly snake.

I love your blog by the way, usually makes me laugh very hard!

 
At 12:23 PM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

I guess Miguel will realise where his wallet went to when he next reads your blog

 
At 11:33 PM, Blogger J-G said...

Miguel "does" blogs? ¿en inglés, even? Nah, it appears El Guapo will not loan Miguel his computer. He'll use it to prepare a torta maybe. Or to warm up food on the warm-to-the-touch, old-school CRT monitor. But not to blog.

 
At 12:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You're funny!

 
At 5:10 AM, Blogger Jagd Kunst said...

Does he keep that in his fanny-pack?

 
At 9:33 PM, Blogger C'est la vie!! said...

:) nice guitar :)

quien te tejo la tela debajo de la cartera??

and about the wallet...his a straight Latino man...y'all are not suppose to have good taste on this things :P

so from now on...I will say "you are a pulling a Miguel" whenever my sis comes over and eats from my fridge, BTW she also refuses to wash her dishes :P

 
At 12:05 AM, Anonymous may said...

miguel is imaginary, and you actually own THE wallet? just a thought :)

seriously, don't return the wallet, tell him you lost it...

 
At 12:36 AM, Anonymous steve said...

way to use "bless his heart"!!!
you'll be a regular texan soon.

 
At 12:21 PM, Blogger La Cubana Gringa said...

In the words of my dear Abuelito...

"Coño!! Que mierda!"

Pobresito crocodile...

 
At 4:00 PM, Blogger Namaste said...

is it pink? it looks pink!

 
At 8:19 PM, Blogger Face said...

You've got to stop giving him so many chips

 
At 8:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I myself have not yet mastered the art of washing the dishes after I have departed, either. Nor any other kitchen utensil.

 
At 3:42 PM, Blogger Veronica said...

If you hide the wallet underneath the dirty dishes, will that inspire Miguel to wash them?

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger Miss Koryo said...

I love the wallet! Mige, mi amor...

 

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