Dilemma

Look, I’m sorry about this.

“Sorry? You can take your “sorry” and stick it up that fabulous ass of yours.”

Vamos, don’t get mad at me. I don’t even like you.

“Oh, yeah. It’s never your fault is it? You just like to prance around with your fancy embroidered jacket talking about your mustache? Well you know what? I’m sick of it. Get away from me.”

Ay, I just came out here to…

“Eye? What the hell is that? You’re always going around here doing your little ‘eye, eye, eye’! eye, jay, kay, el, em, en, oh, motha’ fuckin’ p. That’s part of the alphabet! Need anything else? Stop saying that. You so ignorant.”

Ok, EYE’m going back inside.

“You do El Assholio. You do that. You have that liberty. You just walk inside where it’s warm and people love you. Go ahead. I’ll just freeze my sorry tail feathers off out here. No, don’t worry about me. I’m just fine and dandy. You’re a selfish man, you know that?”

What do you want me to do?

“What the hell do you think I want you to do? I say you open up that sorry excuse for a gate and let me be on my merry little way.”

What are you going to do after I let you out?

“Listen boy, don’t you worry none about that. I grew up on the other side of the tracks if you comprende amigo.”

You grew up on a farm.

“IT WAS A ROUGH ASS FARM, BITCH.”

Ok, fine. I’m sorry, but I can’t.

“Fine. Whatever. I don’t care. I hope you enjoy me. You know what? I hope I come out all dry. I’ve been eating sand for the last couple of days and I hope it makes me taste like ass. I hope you enjoy eating my tasty turkey ass.”

But, I don’t want to eat your tasty turkey ass.

“No one does!!! Please! Let me go. I’m just a simple turkey who wants to LIVE!!!”

Fine. Happy Thanksgiving.

"You da man!!! F the Pilgrims!!!"

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

Seriously, happy Thanksgiving to everyone. If you were the one who had to slam on his brakes because of a turkey running down 14th street, bueno, I'm sorry. You have to admit that it was funny. You flipped me off, but deep down, deep down, you laughed a little.