El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Monday, December 11, 2006

Air Revolution

“I am no longer allowed to fly on Southwest Airlines.”


“Because I’m more intelligent than the entire airline industry. That’s why. It is a vast conspiracy El Guapo, and I finally had it.”

But why aren’t you allowed to fly on Southwest?

“I told you hombre! It is because the world airline industry refuses to accept that I am more intelligent than them. They have tried to hide behind their little rules for too long and I am standing up for passengers everywhere.”

What in the name of Santa Guadalupe are you going on about? You’re making no sense. You and your little conspiracy theories Miguel. Vamos. What happened?

“I’ll tell you what happened. I stood up to THE MAN and he didn’t like it. He pushed and I pushed back. But like an armadillo pushed up against a cement corner, he attacked me.”

How do you know so much about armadillos?

“I just do. I like them.”

Ok, whatever. Just tell me what happened?

“Do you know how they always tell you to turn off your cell phone when you’re in the plane?”

Si, of course. It affects the airplane’s equipment?

“Of course you would say that El Guapo. When are you going to take the cotton out of your eyes and realize that this is one of their tricks? Do you really expect me to believe that a cell phone is going to affect the sophisticated equipment of an airplane? Of course not! I have NEVER turned off my cell phone on a plane. Not once! And has the plane crashed? No. Does the plane ever have any problems? No.”

Maybe one phone isn’t going to do anything, but if everyone had it on then it could mess with the systems.

“I will light a candle tonight for you El Guapo. You have become so sweet and innocent in your un-single life. Que paso with you? The airlines have gotten together with the governments of the world to forbid the use of phones on planes so that they make you use their online phones. If you did a little research, you will find that the FCC is trying to SELL the ability to offer cell phone services on the plane. If they are going to sell this, why is it illegal now El Guapo? Why? I will tell you why, it is because we are all lemmings who jump when the government says jump. Not me El Guapo. Not me.”

So you didn’t turn off your phone?

“No, the stewardess noticed my phone plinking in my pocket and spoke loudly in my ear. I tried to start a revolution on the plane and was asked to be quiet by the stewardess with sideburns. I asked for everyone on the plane to turn on their cell phones, but the stewardess with the sideburns was very strong El Guapo. Very strong.”

So what happened?

“When we arrived in Baltimore I was escorted off the plane and “interviewed” by some fascists. Nothing happened El Guapo, but look (hands me paper), I am no longer welcome on Southwest. You should leave your phone on the next time you fly. Everyone should stand up to the man by leaving their phones on!”

You are like a Latino Gandhi. I will join this revolution with you Miguel. I just can’t wait until I have to overhear phone conversations on the plane. It will so bueno…

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 9:55 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm never turning my phone off again. Thanks Miguel!

At 3:59 PM, Blogger RoarSavage said...

Miguel is the kind of guy that makes me nervous on airplanes. I've told on other passengers for less.
It's the snitchy side of me...

At 8:20 PM, Blogger Namaste said...

We need more Latino Gandhi's in this world, indeed.


At 9:01 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

I left my IPod AND my cell phone turned on--by mistake, of course--on a flight two weeks ago. Nothing happened during the flight, but all hell broke loose when I got where I was going. And, well, it wasn't pretty for the next 24 hours.

I agree with Miguel, it's all a total conspiracy. The Man messes with you when you flaunt the rules, even after you're off the plane!

At 1:53 PM, Anonymous Kim Ayres said...

They told us we should turn off mobile phones in petrol stations (cell phones in gas stations) too, but then they started putting up phone masts in the filling stations.

Miguel is right - viva la revolución

At 5:55 PM, Blogger Adam said...

Who needs Gandhi or MLK, when we have El Guapo!!

At 6:59 PM, Anonymous Dave said...

No, cell phones don't gum up the airplane's navigation system as claimed. But considering how bad flying is these days, aren't you people glad not to have to suffer a long flight with some idiot sitting next to you yammering away on his cell phone?

At 11:08 PM, Anonymous avloomat said...

you the man! dude....

Latino Gandhi... or Indian Che... stand up to the MAN!

At 12:10 PM, Anonymous Melissa said...

El Guapo, is Miguel Puerto Rican?

At 6:49 PM, Anonymous Ted said...

A cell phone is a essentially a sophisticated two-way radio. Sometimes, but not all the time, your phone can be heard on the pilots headsets as an intermittent "beep!" as your phone searches for service. Now imagine 150+ phones searching for service on a 6 hour flight??

Help the pilots out, turn off your phone or put it in safe mode. You are not as important as you think you are and you can't get a signal at 30,000 ft anyway. The cuelo you save may be your own.

Mucho Amour to Miguel but he deserved what he got.

At 9:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Hello El Guapo.

I am am making out my materials list for your party tonight. So far I have: a box full of condoms and heart full of revenge. Am I missing anything?

Your friend in hell,

P.S. Oh yes. I forgot the bone saw.

At 10:00 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

You are an ignorant ass "El Homo."


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