Cowboy Hats: No!
Miguel and I stopped at a local over-priced bar on my bus route to have a couple of over-priced beers and be ignored by the bartender.
As we walk in I see a man wearing a white cowboy hat, a leather Ducati jacket, VERY tight jeans, and a shirt that said “I LOVE TATER TOTS”. As you can imagine, I immediately wanted to kick him in the face. Why? Several reasons.
1. This is Washington DC. El Guapo doesn’t approve of cowboy hats within the DC city limits. It’s already bad enough that the Texan minions of Satan have infiltrated my fair city with their watches on “Texas time”, their big-bubba-belt-buckles, and their desires to build a wall for everything. Leave the fucking hats in Texas.
2. A Ducati leather jacket. Why don’t you wear a jacket that says: “I have a small penis”? I know. I know. You compensate for your little pablito by having a Ducati. At least your girl now has a calf-sized vibrator.
3. Tight jeans. This isn’t Poland amigo.
4. “I LOVE TATER TOTS” T-Shirt? Why must you wear this with a cowboy hat? Is your penis really this small? Everybody loves tater tots. I have never met one person who did not. I love ketchup. I put it on everything. Should I get a T-shirt?