El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, January 17, 2006

I am Latino: I Dance

I am Latino and I dance. Please do not think of the “jump up and down” dancing that is prevalent in many of the clubs in DC. Latin dancing. The type of dance that makes a woman forget her name as her hips become entangled with the movements of my body. Merengue, salsa, samba, it doesn’t matter. I can do them all. Perfectly.

Please do not take my first paragraph as bragging. I say this as a warning to all the men out there. Unless you wish your women to fall madly in love with me, do not agree to take them Latin dancing. Unless you plan on dancing. Dancing well. Very well.

Latinos can smell the fear on non-dancing men. That’s right. I saw you looking at the way mi culo shakes to this beat that is driving your woman crazy. No problems hombre. I know I look good. I also saw your girl sigh at you after she saw me dancing. You acted like you didn’t see it, but you did. Sorry amigo, this is where I ruin your night.

Do not hate me for being muy guapo. I am Latino. This can not be helped.

My short stature, mustache, and honey hips do not give you much of a chance, but you were the one who brought your girl to my place. You were trying to show her that you were spontaneous and a fun guy? Tsk, tsk hombre.

I walk over after she has looked at me several times and I ask her to dance. You of course don’t like the idea, but she touches your arm and says she’ll be right back. Now, you’re the confident male that doesn’t mind if your woman is dancing with others. Have you seen my honey hips? You should mind. Your blonde hair, blue eyes, and 6-foot tall high school linebacking body are no good here. This is not Adams Mill.

On the dance floor, I control your woman in a way that she has yet to experience. These are exotics sounds, sensual movements, and feelings that you cannot get with your Dave Matthews Band. Dancing, I make love on the dance floor. Soy incredible. Yes, I am that good.

The next week you will sign up for dance lessons. Arthur Murray should pay me commission.

Do not worry, I do not take away the women any longer. I give them back to you. This Latino is not a mujerigo (player). This Latino just wants to find the woman he can dance with for ever. Just beware of my cousins. They are many.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 10:45 AM, Blogger Chica Rosada said...

You couldn't have said it better. And it applies to women as much as it applies to men.

I teach Latin dancing and all the girls race to my class so that they can show off their novios when they go out.

They can learn all they want.And some actually are good. But truth be told, there is no way to learn the natural ritmo that us Latinos have.

At 1:58 PM, Blogger Christopher Robin said...

LOL It's so true, I hate you ;) The funny part is I dance, I have for years, though mostly ballroom. I have done little of the really fun latin, the salsa, merengue and such. In latin clubs I just cannot compete with those who know their moves. But it is fun to see how you can capture the imagination of a woman with a few simple steps on the dance floor and just how much that can fluster those men who don't dance. (oh, I found your blog through waiter rant if you were wondering)

At 2:19 PM, Anonymous Aja said...

Yes my friend, i love it when I am asked to dance with someone who actually knows how. Though I suck at partner danceing, i can always show my thang alone, especially when it comes to punta, samba, or soca!!!

All white folks remind me of this guy

At 2:53 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"My short stature, mustache, and honey hips do not give you much of a chance"


... being short with a mexican mustache is definitely NOT something to brag about


At 3:57 PM, Blogger Veronica said...

This has been my favorite of your posts. Your style is just so accssible and effortless. You invite your reader to sit down across the table from you and enjoy a good conversation while you break bread together. Nicely done.

At 4:43 PM, Blogger Corvo said...

So, El Guapo, let me ask you this: I'm an Italian girl and I can dance. Like the Latinos, we Italians have the rhythm. If I go to a Latin dance club, do you think I can get a man? Or will the women hate me and try to kill me in the bathroom?

At 5:00 PM, Blogger always write said...

See, this is where Jewish boys fall short. This plus the fact that they are short. Just once I'd like to go for a spin on the dance floor, not in the passenger seat of a sportscar. El Guapo: Should I start dating los Latinos? Would los Latinos like to be dating me, a Jewish girl with rhythm and rudimentary Spanish language skills? Por favor, advise.

At 5:03 PM, Anonymous Aja said...

Corvo, speaking as a Latina, i think you will be alright if you look latina, i mean you will still get some hate, but still it is better than being obviously white. Latina women are super jealous and protective of men in general, but when it comes to their Latino men, they would rather see them with their own then outside their race, it is loco, but true.

At 6:57 PM, Anonymous azulaco said...

It is one of the sadnesses of my life that I am married to a non-dancing man, because I chose to marry a gringo. He is great in so many ways, but dancing is not one of them. I don't understand why most white men can't dance. I have lots of white girlfriends who can dance just fine, but it's like the dancing gene shorts out on the white Y chromosome. Why? It makes no sense!

At 1:19 AM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

My mustache is not Mexican. It is Guatemalan. It is very guapo.

Aja, you shake that thing baby.

Veronica, gracias again.

Corvo, Aja was right, but it is so sad. Latino men want las nieves, but we get beaten by women like Aja. Italians can dance. They have sauce (I can lend you the spice).

alwayswrite, Latinos like Jewish girl. Porque? Their culos are very Latino. As my friend says, "The Tribe comes packin'!"

Azulaco, at least you can teach your children to dance, no?

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

At 2:35 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dude... you're still bragging about being short with a latin 'stach..


At 9:03 AM, Blogger Phil said...

There is nothing wrong with a finely groomed mustache.

At 1:55 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said...

Unless it's on a woman...

At 10:55 PM, Blogger whfropera said...

oh my...I have a memory from 1985, working in a restaurant where one of the waiters was form Colombia, and he took me dancing, and the way he could move me around the dance floor...that is something I will never forget.
Gracias, El Guapo for bringing that back for me.

At 12:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mi esposo me robó el corazón con sus talentos en la pista de baile...tenemos 13 years together y no lo cambio por ninguno! I'm a gringa por fuera y latina por dentro. Whenever we get an invitation to a latino party, I make sure he clears his schedule and dance with him all night! !QUE SIGA LA FIESTA!!!!

At 1:45 PM, Blogger Everythinglatino.net said...

I want to dance with you, baby!!!


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