El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, April 25, 2006

The Awakening

I am writing to you from a strange place.

When I shower, it is with shampoo purple in color with French instructions. Should I lather and repeat? I don’t know. I don’t speak French. The French didn’t think that a Guatemalan would be staring at its miniscule bottle wondering what to do. I’m confused.

The books adorning the walls are not mine and most will never be read by me. Well, maybe that one over there. I may read that one. What book is that? The one with the man on the cover. The one with the man with the perfectly parted blonde hair. Si. What book is this?

Standing Firm by Dan Quayle

Dios mio…

My entire life has been spent looking for the woman that I searched for in my dreams. Finally, I find her when my eyes were open and now this.

Something must be wrong. She’s Latina. Latina’s don’t have Dan Quayle books. Well, she’s half Latina. Well, she’s Brasilian. A Brasileira. Her padre is English. She’s an English-Brazilian-American. This book must be her father’s.

To Linda: Dan Quayle

Maybe her mother’s name is Linda? Is this true? Is this happening? Am I dating a Republican? Brasilians aren’t supposed to be Republican!!! She’s even Brasilian from her mother’s side and that’s the side that counts.

Colin Powell: My American Journey

Estoy pisado…

Please don’t be signed. Please don’t be signed. Please don’t be signed.

I held the book in my trembling hands. Colin Powell. He’s not so bad. Actually, I like the hombre. I never really believed he was Republican. Colin stared at me with his calming eyes and my hands stopped shaking.

So, Mr. Powell, como estas?

Hello El Guapo. Fancy seeing you with this book.

Si, I’m a bit flustered myself. You’re a great man and all Mr. Powell, but I did not purchase you. I simply picked you up from a bookshelf.

Oh yes. This is Linda’s bookshelf. She’s a fine woman.

Mr. Powell, don’t think that I won’t throw your bespectacled face right out the window. Watch your tone.

No, no El Guapo. That is a compliment. You have landed yourself an intelligent, beautiful and confident woman. She dances too.

Yeah she does…Hombre, that girl can dance circles around me.

Yes, she’s half Brazilian you know.

Yes Mr. Powell. I am aware. What do you think about her having that Dan Quayle book over there?

El Guapo, listen to me. In life you will always find instances where you second guess your situation. It’s human nature to do so. Does it really bother you that Linda owns a Dan Quayle book? Hell, my wife has a thing for Sean Connery. Did it bother me when she dressed me up in a tuxedo and made me order martinis? Yes. Did it bother me when she made me call her Pussy Willow in bed? Yes. Am I glad that I have her by my side every single day? Yes. I’m the luckiest man in the world.

She makes you call her Pussy Willow in bed?

El Guapo! Pay attention! Focus on what’s important.

You’re right Mr. Powell. Thanks for taking the time to speak with me.

My pleasure El Guapo. You’re a good man. By the way, you’re totally out of potato chips.

Joder…

I put Mr. Powell back on the bookshelf and I pick up the Dan Quayle book. So help me Wanda, if he starts talking to me I will just lose it. I put the book back. Waaaaay back. Here, let’s put a Stephen King book in front of him. He won’t mind.

So she has a Dan Quayle book. Who cares? At least she's not Argentinean. I have to draw the line somewhere.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

29 Comments:

At 11:40 AM, Blogger DCThrowback said...

Contrary to popular belief, love actually has no political affliation.

And you have to try those kettle cooked chips - with some Bison chip dip. Now that is pleasure, my friend. It's worth the drive to Wegman's.

 
At 11:42 AM, Blogger Andraste said...

It is true, love has no political affiliations.

HOWEVER: If you see an Anne Coulter or Rush Limbaugh book on any of those shelves, RUN LIKE HELL!

 
At 11:44 AM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I, personally, am forever grateful that I am engaged to a woman with the same liberal views as myself. A Dan Quayle book would be a dealbreaker. I can handle conservative views and liking Colin Powell, but being a fan of stupid Republicans like Dan Quayle is a dealbreaker in my world.

But that is just my opinion. To each his or her own. I wish you much happiness, El Guapo.

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger HomeImprovementNinja said...

For the last time, Guapo, there is nothing wrong with Argentinians...well, actually there is, but Argentinian girls are hot. You just have to pretend that they are from someplace else, like Uruguay or Chile or something.

 
At 12:15 PM, Blogger Christopher Robin said...

Politics aren't everything...then again it's a signed copy...maybe someone got it for her, you know as a joke.

Either way keep up the great work with the blog and let's hope she's not too Republican ;)

 
At 12:51 PM, Blogger RoarSavage said...

Look. I'm all for falling in love. And there are Republicans I ilke. Really. I do. But aren't you the guy that wrote this??? I'm sure she's pretty and dances well, but-- This may end up being a difference in values.

 
At 1:32 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Ms. Savage, are you flirting with me?

I looked around. Nothing with Limbaugh or Coulter. Gracias a Dios!!!

EG

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger DCThrowback said...

You can't have it both ways - either you love someone no matter what they believe or you don't (just as your parents did). Would EG camina if his novia had Coulter or Limbaugh on her shelf? Perhaps. But probably not. One actually may argue a healthy difference of opinion is actually GOOD for la pasion.

That extends to people like Steve and Rosa - whom I am sure consider themselves extremely tolerant people - but apparently can't tolerate someone who is ideologically opposite as themselves and may not be able to separate the political from the romantic. Such a shame. We all want to say love has no boundaries, but in fact...it apparently does.

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger RoarSavage said...

It's great for passion- NOT so great for raising kids. And not embarrassing yourselves by having loud fights in nice restaurants. Or on street corners.

Not every situation is a romantic movie.

 
At 6:20 PM, Anonymous Tim said...

Hate to say it, but Republican chicks are always better looking than the Dems.

 
At 6:27 PM, Anonymous gringita said...

I dated a republican once. Whoa... I never found the WMDs but the NRA membership was a little creepy. like señor bush, his approval ratings went down, down, down...until he was thrown out of office...dang if only that metaphor could keep working.

 
At 7:43 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

These comments aren't what I expected. There's a difference between tolerating other people's beliefs and dating/marrying someone who is your ideological opposite. Is it "intolerant" to want your partner to share whatever your most important belief is? Am I intolerant if I'd never date a homophobe or a racist or someone who thinks GWB is intelligent and competent? I don't think so-- you want your partner to share what is most important to you, and the things that aren't important to you (his religion if you aren't into religion, his politics if you aren't into politics) you let go. Then again, I can only speak for myself, because I do think love has boundaries.

Anyway, Guapo, I think you're in the clear. A book or two does not a fanatic make. A funny story! :)

 
At 7:43 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

Walk away from the bookcase. Let's get back to this violette shampoo, El G...IN FRENCH.

 
At 8:26 PM, Anonymous Michelle said...

You know, as Republicans go, Dan Quayle seems pretty harmless right now. I'm actually nostalgic for the days of the Bush I administration.

 
At 8:43 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

I want to hear more about what a good dancer Linda is....then I'll decide about the Quayle book.

Although.... a personal inscription does have to mean something, doesn't it?

 
At 8:45 PM, Blogger Transplanted Lawyer said...

You didn't know this until now, amigo? That's su averia that it threw you for a loop. Women are full of surprises, and this should not be a dealbreaker by any means. You may find that you and she agree on more issues than you disagree when you talk politics. So get to know her better!

 
At 8:46 PM, Blogger RoarSavage said...

Thank G-d for Mystery Girl.

 
At 8:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I agree with mystery girl. I would not date a republican- my core values would be questioned, and I would never do that. Querido el guapo, isn't this something you should have discussed before the shampoo games?

 
At 9:06 PM, Blogger K said...

if she is really a R, you may need to run her through a few more friend interviews (of the liberal pursuasion) beforing truly falling.

 
At 9:21 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

Tolerance. An open mind. Conversation. You're new to this love thing. Maybe it will grow for years to come. Maybe it won't. But books on a bookshelf have nothing to do with this!

Now, about this shampoo? Purple? Not that I want to buy any, but what the heck is it?

 
At 9:31 PM, Blogger Becky said...

EG, some perspective amigo. Does perhaps Ms. Linda need to be concerned about you? You're the one having converstaions with Mr. Powell.

Ms. Linda may have a couple of books and purple shampoo but the dancing! Focus on what's important... the dancing!

 
At 9:34 PM, Blogger Becky said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

 
At 1:46 AM, Blogger jaymichaelrivera said...

No worries about the Dan Quayle book. Political affiliations change over the years, sports affiliations do not. Trust me on this. I married a LA Dodger fan(atic) and I'm a Giants fan por vida. How did it get through the background check? Who knows.

Ah, but a little rivalry keeps things spicy!

 
At 5:56 AM, Blogger P1P said...

Your Luck is in El Guapo. Half Brasilian and half English and you are worried about a book? Grab onto this woman and don't let her go. One day you can get her councelling about the Dan Quale problem. You will get through it together.

 
At 12:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a Dem. There are Republicans I like. Colin Powell is one of them. Great man. I had a Republican roommate once. Cool guy. I even would have dated him if we hadn't been roommates.

Here's the thing: this Republican thing about Dems-don't-date-Republicans-because-even-though-they-say-they're-tolerant-they're-really-not thing has got to stop.

Being tolerant is cool. Being tolerant works when it's a friend or a coworker or even a relative. But when you're picking a partner, you've gotta go for similar values. Whatever else is different be it political party, religion, race, whatever; if the values don't match, it ain't a match.

Many, not all, but many, Republicans do not have the same values I do (here's a hint: don't refer to Arabs as "rag heads" or gays as "fags" if you want a date with me). It's just going to make us argue all the time. It isn't about political party, it's about espousing hate versus espousing acceptance of all people. I don't want to argue about that with my partner. It makes life exhausting, not enriching. Been there, done that, won't do it again.

 
At 1:00 PM, Blogger Phil said...

As a republican myself, even I would be ashamed to own a Dan Quayle book. I assume it is only pictures?

 
At 1:27 PM, Blogger always write said...

Colin Powell: Not so bad. He speaks Yiddish, you know.

If a Dan Quayle book is the worst skeleton in your lady's closet -- or on her bookshelf, as it were -- you're going to be juuuuust fine. (But if you find W. Bush under the bed... run. Run like the wind.)

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Mysterygirl said it for me.

Tolerant of conservatism is one thing. I am tolerant of conservatism. Dating a conservative when I am a liberal is another. It's a values thing. It doesn't work for me.

But that is just my opinion and what works for me. What works for me may not work for James Carville and Mary Matalin.

I just hope El Guapo will be happy.

 
At 9:21 PM, Blogger java bean rush said...

So typed all of this in the shower?
:)

 

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