El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Thursday, April 20, 2006

Guatemalan Card Games

It has always been amazing to me how little the world knows about Guatemala. By now, most of you know that Guatemalans are the best looking people in the world. However, while a very important fact, this isn’t the only thing that we should be known for. From time to time, I will take try to introduce something within world culture that actually has origins in Guatemala.

Every single time you turn on the television it seems that there is a poker game. Texas Hold ‘Em. I have had many conversations with my countrymen about how most Americans truly believe this is their invention. They are wrong. The game has Guatemalan origin. Some snarky American, most likely a gun-toting, cowboy hat wearing, fake ostrich skin booted Texan swiped this from us. I understand that “Guatemalan Hold ‘Em” doesn’t sound as nice, but at least give us an asterisk.

In Guatemala, the game is simply called Segura-lo, or Hold ‘Em. It has the same principle as the game you see on TV, but ours, of course, is a much tougher game. You see, if a player thinks that you are bluffing about the cards you have, they can call you out on this.

You then have to stand 10 feet away from the other players and hold a bowling ball-sized rock above your head. If you don’t win the hand, all the other players throw rocks at your face. The point is to get you to drop the rock and in turn, have to give them all of your money.

It’s a man’s card game that was pinked up for retired school teachers and now every popped collar West Virginian this side of Texas.

The first time I played this game with a group of American friends I was confused. Where are the throwing rocks? If I’m playing with a woman, can I throw a rock at her face? The rules in Guatemala don’t cover this because, as I’ve stated before, this is a game for hombres. Tough hombres.

Everyone was bluffing left and right and I couldn’t throw rocks at their faces. What was this all about?

Now, did I win any money? Si, mis amigos. I won a LOT of money. Without the fear of having rocks pelted off your face, the game is very easy for such a handsome Guatemalan like me. I don’t have to fear anyone destroying my face. It is, after all, my livelihood. Without this face, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.

So, do me a favor. The next time you find yourself playing this “Texas” Hold ‘Em. Pelt someone in the face with the glass jar of salsa if you think they’re bluffing. I promise that it will make the game more fun. If they ask why you just did that, tell the El Guapo sent you.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 4:03 AM, Blogger sara said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 4:04 AM, Blogger sara said...

I like your blog! You're quite a chauvinist, but a positive one.

Check the pic in in the URL. The caption is way funny, if you know what I mean?


At 4:05 AM, Anonymous JayHawker said...

Estiercol muchacho, but it sounded good..........

At 6:06 AM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

Ha! I find random rock thowing extremely amusing.

At 10:40 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

lame post today. we still want to hear about the novia.

At 11:41 AM, Blogger theinebriantgrape said...

Please clarify whether or not using a Goya product would be appropriate. Thanks!

At 2:39 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Yes... we need some clarification.

Should the salsa that is thrown be mild salsa? Medium? Hot? I mean, I am a gringo, and I usually can't handle anything above medium.

But I will drink my Dos Equis while playing poker and throwing the salsa.

At 3:19 PM, Anonymous patita said...

No Texans I know had ever heard of this variant of the game until it was all over TV. It was probably someone from Connecticut.

At 4:31 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Haters in full effect recently. What is it that you would like to know? Send e-mails to elguapodc@gmail.com

At 6:09 PM, Blogger jaymichaelrivera said...

Smokin Steve: I'm thinking it doesn't matter as long as there are plenty of seeds. Ever get one of those in your eye? Aiy yi yi! Como duele!
As for the origins of what we norteamericanos know as Texas Hold 'Em, this is yet another example of Better Living Through Guatemalan Ingenuity. Que chiste! The things The Man never taught me in 12 years of California public school education.

At 7:12 PM, Anonymous jorge said...

Guatemalans did not invent Texas Hold 'Em! Do you think we are stupid? Most people know it came from China, like everything else. In fact, as his name suggests, Amarillo Slim was a skinny Chinese guy.

At 10:38 PM, Blogger Big Pissy said...

El Guapo,
I will be sure to pass this information/advice on to my youngest daughter. She came in 4th in a poker tournament of 75 people recently~mostly men. This was in a bar in Atlanta.

She probably would have come in first, but she is only one-half Latina.

The better half, of course.


At 6:34 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

Do they play Strip Poker?

At 7:06 PM, Blogger Debby said...

OMG, too funny. Do you think I can get away with blaming one of the dogs for the pee I left on the floor while laughing?!!

At 3:19 PM, Blogger RoarSavage said...

This post reminded me of the Dad in "My Big Fat Greek Wedding": "PIck a word, any word, and I'll tell you how it got it's roots in Greece..."


At 10:14 AM, Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

Any game where I get to throw rocks at men sounds divine.

At 10:06 PM, Blogger entog said...

Very interesting. Nice post. I just want to share something that you might be interested, Bridge, is a card game fun to play, but the better you play, the more fun it is. As you improve, you will be fascinated at discovering how much there is to the game. Despite popular opinion to the contrary, bridge is not difficult to learn. Learn bridge card game lessons and improve your bridge game in less than five minutes a day. Keep on posting interesting stuff, more power to your blog.

At 12:38 PM, Blogger BRae said...

This is such a stereotypical view of Texans. It's offensive. And the author simply comes accross as obnoxious and arrogant.


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