Guatemalan Card Games

It has always been amazing to me how little the world knows about Guatemala. By now, most of you know that Guatemalans are the best looking people in the world. However, while a very important fact, this isn’t the only thing that we should be known for. From time to time, I will take try to introduce something within world culture that actually has origins in Guatemala.

Every single time you turn on the television it seems that there is a poker game. Texas Hold ‘Em. I have had many conversations with my countrymen about how most Americans truly believe this is their invention. They are wrong. The game has Guatemalan origin. Some snarky American, most likely a gun-toting, cowboy hat wearing, fake ostrich skin booted Texan swiped this from us. I understand that “Guatemalan Hold ‘Em” doesn’t sound as nice, but at least give us an asterisk.

In Guatemala, the game is simply called Segura-lo, or Hold ‘Em. It has the same principle as the game you see on TV, but ours, of course, is a much tougher game. You see, if a player thinks that you are bluffing about the cards you have, they can call you out on this.

You then have to stand 10 feet away from the other players and hold a bowling ball-sized rock above your head. If you don’t win the hand, all the other players throw rocks at your face. The point is to get you to drop the rock and in turn, have to give them all of your money.

It’s a man’s card game that was pinked up for retired school teachers and now every popped collar West Virginian this side of Texas.

The first time I played this game with a group of American friends I was confused. Where are the throwing rocks? If I’m playing with a woman, can I throw a rock at her face? The rules in Guatemala don’t cover this because, as I’ve stated before, this is a game for hombres. Tough hombres.

Everyone was bluffing left and right and I couldn’t throw rocks at their faces. What was this all about?

Now, did I win any money? Si, mis amigos. I won a LOT of money. Without the fear of having rocks pelted off your face, the game is very easy for such a handsome Guatemalan like me. I don’t have to fear anyone destroying my face. It is, after all, my livelihood. Without this face, I don’t know what I’d do with myself.

So, do me a favor. The next time you find yourself playing this “Texas” Hold ‘Em. Pelt someone in the face with the glass jar of salsa if you think they’re bluffing. I promise that it will make the game more fun. If they ask why you just did that, tell the El Guapo sent you.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo