El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Friday, April 07, 2006

Science en la manana

And so it is.

I sat there staring at myself in the mirror this morning trying to get the sleep out of my eyes when it came into my peripheral vision.

Que diablo es eso?

Huh. My eyes weren’t focusing just yet, but there was something on my bathroom sink that wasn’t there the day before. This doesn’t make sense.

What is this azure box doing in my bathroom? I don’t get it.

It’s early and I’m easily confused, so I picked the mystery box in an attempt to make some sense of what was happening.

Biodegradable applicator

Biodegradable applicator? What in the name of Goya is this all about?

Being the curious Guatemalan that I am I decided that I had two choices:

1) Freak out.
2) Explore.

Luckily for me, I am Guatemalan. We are known for our calm, cool and collected manner. After all, I am El Guapo.

So, I peel the zipper-like cardboard box open to find 40 individually wrapped….well…..biodegradable applicators. Now, is 40 for just one month, or is this the result of a visit to Costco?

I unwrap one to see what the fuss is all about. There is a string. Interesante. I find myself twirling the applicator as fast as I can with the string. This is actually kind of fun. I wonder how far I could wing this across the room….

That’s pretty damn far. I wonder if there are competitions for this. I would seriously win them all. This is of course my first time winging an applicator across the room, but I seem to be a natural. I must seriously be good at everything. I take a moment and thank God once again for making me Guatemalan.

The string stays in the whole time? Very interesting. I decide to read the box for further instructions. I discover that this particular model, Regular, can hold 6-9 grams. No way. I bet it can hold way more.

But how? How can I prove this hypothesis? I rummaged through my kitchen to see if I had anything that measured in grams, but had to settle for something that measured in cups.

How many grams are in one third of a cup? Who cares? On with the experiment.

Wow. It’s like one of those toy dinosaurs that expand when you throw them in the tub. This is great! Do these things come in different colors, or is white all you get? The string stays in there the whole time? This is amazing.

The string seriously stays in the whole time?

I suddenly realize that I am face to face with mi abuelita as water drips from the applicator into the sink.

She stands there with an expressionless look on her face and I suddenly realize that I am holding onto a string attached to an applicator while mi abuelita stares at me. There is no way that I can explain this one. I laugh nervously..

The box…it said that it could hold 6-9 grams…I thought it could hold more. I was just....um...you know...science...experiment...science...

Mi abuelita looked at me and sighed.

“That’s my measuring cup. Wash that out when you’re done.”

Mi abuelita walks away in her slippers simply shaking her head and murmuring something about my being crazy. Well, maybe she’s right. Science experiments shouldn’t be done this early in the morning.

I wonder what else is in my bathroom…

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

20 Comments:

At 11:31 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I've always called those "party favors."

 
At 11:40 AM, Blogger Sarah Jayne said...

if you throw an "absorbed" one hard enough against your ceiling, do you think it would stick?

With the little string hanging down to sway in the breeze from your window? Now wouldn't that be fun? Perhaps even an art concept!

 
At 12:17 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

the string stays... but does no good if it disappears up there and you have to go a' huntin' for it...

 
At 12:18 PM, Blogger Simply Lauren. said...

to answer your question: yes, the string stays in the whole time. major problems would occur if for some reason, it "broke off". get me?

 
At 2:13 PM, Blogger Dennis! said...

I hope you're recounting an episode from your youth and not something that occurred, oh, two days ago....

Oh, and really, by the time you're dipping the thing in a measuring cup, you're no longer playing with an "applicator." Hopefully by the time it gets wet, you've disposed of the applicator. I'm just sayin'.

 
At 2:28 PM, Blogger Coley said...

Don't forget, you can also "torpedo" them across the room. Hold the top half, smack the bottom half, and watch it fly. Not that I'd know. Or something....

 
At 2:41 PM, Blogger always write said...

Great for bloody noses, in a pinch.

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger aurelgrooves said...

too bad you were interrupted, you were well on your way to making a good olde fashioned "tamp-bomb."

 
At 4:09 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

EG--

You must be running out of material if you are writing about this...unless you are actually a 15 year old boy. Perhaps you are not really El Guapo, but rather, El Guapito. Is this just a ploy to identify women readers of your blog?

 
At 4:17 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Oh Anonymous commenter. Why must you torment me? Have you not realized that I wish to love you. Admit it. Please, admit it. You have, at one point, explored the azure box under your sink. Yes, it is true, this was juvenile, but it made me smile. So, please, pop up your collar and carry on.

El Guapo

 
At 3:09 AM, Anonymous kidneyboy said...

mmmm, tampons!! er, no, not really!

EG, you are right, it is too easy to see that box for so many years, and to not open the box, would be just wrong!!

here is some more fun!!

http://www.cockeyed.com/science/tampons/tampons.html

 
At 7:02 AM, Blogger Debby said...

OMG, it is not even 7 in the morning here. I have been up for hours because this damn cough won't let me sleep, and now you, you come along with this tale and make me pee my pants. This is the final indignity of my old age. Just to damn funny by far!!!!

 
At 9:34 PM, Blogger hugaliciousgurl said...

omg, i laughed so hard. i loved the way you told this story 'cause i was hooked trying to figure out what was in the box and when i did i just about fell off my chair. thx for brightening my day

 
At 1:39 AM, Anonymous ASG said...

Hilarious. Great window into how a man would see tampons (and how a woman might, too).

And yes, the string stays. Behold the power of the mighty string, it amazes even women.

 
At 11:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Increible...es como in the old country when you were a kid and too poor to buy them fancy toys. We kids would create these fantastic toys with bottle caps and match boxes. Granted this is more of an experiment but still I am glad you had fun with this.

 
At 12:54 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I doubt that anyone under the age of 10 has not seen a tampon before. It is an overused avenue of comedy to try and explain the 'men are from mars, women are from venus' theory. I think you have been watching too many sitcoms el guapo.

me pareces que no eres 'el guapo' pero mas como 'chiquito'. necesitas ideas nuevos y pero tu pagina es mejor que la mayoria de otras.

 
At 4:36 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

A mi me encanta the anonymous commenters.

Although these words I pen seem trite, they're meant to show I care

Soy a grown man, have lived in a house packed with sisters, but this was the first time that I had played with the azure box... I must have led a sheltered life.

EG

 
At 2:17 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

In addition to bloody noses, they make remarkable kindling. I don't imagine El Guapo starting many campfires, but it certainly is fun to light the string and pretend it's a stick of dynamite.

 
At 11:22 AM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

Querido Guapo, please learn to use the "ñ". Alt plus 164. Mucho Amor-

 
At 12:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

guys are seriously retarded

 

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