These last three days have been muy dificil for me. Several of you may think that it’s very funny to see El Guapo go without cable television, but this is no laughing matter. Yes, I get 5 to 6 channels including two Spanish-speaking channels, but that doesn’t do it for me anymore. Sure, I enjoy watching tall Mexican women jump up and down unnecessarily just as much as the next guy, but I need a little diversity in my TV.
I stared at my reflection on the turned off TV knowing full well that I couldn’t deal with another episode of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air dubbed in Spanish. So I did what I haven’t done in years, I decided to read.
Now, since reading for me usually takes place on el bus, I quickly realized that I needed to do what I always do when looking for bathroom reading material: I borrowed my neighbor’s mail. No, “borrowing” your neighbor’s mail is not a crime. I always give it back after I’ve finished. Sure, it may be a couple of months later and wet from being on the bathroom floor, but you always get it back. Siempre.
For some reason Julio gets GQ magazine. I’ve never really read the magazine, but today was different. I actually needed something to do with my growing amount of free time. So, I grabbed the black and white Tom Cruise picture showing magazine out of his mail box and went back to my house.
It is very apparent to me that GQ magazine isn’t written for the Latino population. The closest it gets to appealing to us is having the very convenient cologne samples inside. You need to be careful to avoid the paper cuts, but those come in handy when you’re in a pinch. Oh si, I forgot to mention Oscar de La Hoya on the back inside cover seling Remy Martin. I once met Oscar. Si, he made a cute comment to me and I jabbed him in the jaw. Turns out I’m a much faster runner than he.
So I’m reading GQ… Wow….. Lots of pictures… Oh, here we go, an article about NBA basketball players’ and their fashion mistakes. I rather be shot. En serio. I rather be shot in the foot for a pizza than read this. People read this? Really? Come on.
Ok, let’s move on here. The 10 commandments of style. This could be good. Socks. Turns out that “generally, your socks should be a shade darker than your suit but not quite as dark as your shoes.” Oh look, it says your tie should only be “three inches at its widest point.” Do people really do this?
Wait! Que? This is saying that you should wear a crew neck undershirt? What kind of mierda is this? Crew neck? Mira, real men wear the tank top (beaters) undershirts. No exceptions. So you can see the undershirt through the shirt? Of course you can! That’s the point. It looks increible!
This is enough reading for one day. How dare they! Crew necks… Who wears crew necks? Oh, Julio does. That's good, take fashion advice from a guy who just got his cable shut off. Nice...