El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Thursday, May 18, 2006

Magic sidewalks

“Excuse me, sir, are you looking for something?”

I’ve been spending a lot of time at mi Linda’s place lately. It is in an area that is muy different from my neighborhood. It has gotten some getting used to.

As I rode the bus home this evening I looked around to realize that I was the sole Latino on the bus. Everyone was white. I didn’t even know that white people knew about the DC bus system. It was strange, but a good strange.

Looking out the bus window was a different type of strange as well. Gone are the Spanish signs, liquor stores, funeral homes, Chinese take-out, and my beloved Pupuserias. I rode by some kind of a place called a “wine bar”. A wine bar? What in the name of holy Tecate is a wine bar? Do you sit at a bar and only order wine? Do you sit around twirling your glass? Do you put a lime in any type of wine? I’m afraid to go into that place. I’m afraid that I would cry.

I’ve been on the 30 buses several times and have yet to see a fight break out. Not even one. Actually, I saw a guy try to get a couch on the bus. He had some choice palabras to give the bus driver, but that was the most activity that I’ve ever seen. Yesterday the bus driver spoke with the passengers about their day. I wasn’t even aware that the bus drivers were allowed to speak with the passengers. I actually wished that I could talk about basketball to join in on a conversation, but then realized that basketball isn’t even a real sport. But still. What a wonderful world this is.

On the walk from the bus stop all the houses are perfectly manicured. Where do people keep all of their used beer bottles? Why aren’t they all over their lawn and the street? I don’t understand…

Not even a weed in between the sidewalk cracks. Are these magic sidewalks?

“Saw you looking around and were wondering if you’re lost.”

Have you heard of a strange land called Lebanon? Neither had I. Turns out that Chinese take-out is very out of date and the people in this neighborhood order food from merchants from Lebanon. There is a restaurant that caters to the people with the magic sidewalks called Quick Pita. They serve strange foods like Shawarma, Kabab, Falafel, and Hummos.

I know what you’re thinking. You’re thinking, “El Guapo, all those words sound like things you avoid like the plague.” I agree my amigos. In mi mind, I think of those words and would use them like, “Si, I went out with this girl two months ago, one thing led to another, now I have this falafel growing up and down my place.” Or maybe, “Dude, you need to get that checked out. That definitely looks like a baba ghanouj on your lip!” The thing is, once I got past their unappetizing names, it tastes bueno. Actually, muy bueno. Does it beat a pupusa? Oh no. The Lebanoneners have yet to reach the peak of their culinary skills.

The people of this neighborhood are obviously not used to seeing someone as guapo as myself because I often catch them staring at me as I walk by their homes. One woman shielded her young teenage daughter as I walked by. She needn’t worry. I am taken.

“You sure that you’re in the right place?”

Yes officer. I am positive. Gracias. I’m going home.

Even the police officers are nice here. It must be the magic sidewalks.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

13 Comments:

At 12:08 AM, Blogger sara said...

Hahaha.. you're so funny!!!!!!
You're right, fallafel does sound strange, doesn't it? But then.. pupusa sounds even funnier to me!!!

 
At 12:42 AM, Anonymous Kizyr said...

Whoa, Quick Pita in Georgetown is one of my favorite places to order from! They're the only place that delivers halal meat and really filling food at 3 in the AM. You got no need to be afraid of it; it's all good. KF

 
At 3:48 AM, Blogger Facinacion said...

Ha ha... Lebanonenes... :)
love your sense of humor...

 
At 7:17 AM, Blogger Christopher Robin said...

I've gone through the same thing with my girlfriend. It kind of feels strange not to have people sitting out on the steps of their buildings swearing at each other.

 
At 9:51 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

El Guapo you crack me up!! You sure do spend alot of time with your linda. Do you ever hang out with your amigos anymore? You dont seem to have many stories about them? what gives? Love your Blog, Keep the Posts coming.

 
At 11:23 AM, Blogger The Blonde Menace said...

Quick Pita is a wonderful place.

Mr. El Guapo, in your opinion where is the best place in DC to get pupusas? I don't know if you've ever written about this before, so if you have and I forgot then forgive me.

 
At 11:31 AM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Yes, I must also know where to get the best pupusas in case I ever find myself in the area. Please let us know, El Guapo.

 
At 2:18 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

It's so good to see everyone wants to try pupusas. They say Jesus Christ himself fancied the pupusa:

El Amigo
(202) 722-5084
3612 14th St NW
Washington, DC 20010

The best in DC. Go in the afternoon when it's light out. Green line to Col Heights metro then 5 block walk norte.

EG

 
At 2:39 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said...

My absolute favourite restaurant in DC is "The House of Kabob" on M St. between 18th and 19th. I'm telling you, it's a taste of heaven.

 
At 3:26 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Mi muy estimado EG (aka i-lli),
I will have to try these famed pupusas at El Amigo. Will we, your readers, get a discount, if we tell them that "the most Guapo man in all of DC" sent us? I wonder if there is such a thing as a pupusa libanés? Can you imagine the deliciosa combination this would make?
Oh - and next time you are visiting tu Linda, tell the officer you're on your way to see your uncle, AG Gonzalez, and that you will pass on how courteous and friendly the locals are. As Facinacion says "lo cortes no quita lo valiente" (Politesse need not hamper courage). By the way, has Mr. Powell said anything new to you lately? Sounds like the sidewalks are not the only thing "magic" you experience when you are at tu linda's place! And one last thing: why haven't you hooked up Miguel with one of her amiguitas? Sure, he may not be as guapo as you, but even guapo-lessers need love too, n'est-ce pas? Bon weekend mon ami! Trop de amour a toi aussie... the manly kind, of course.
- Raincouver.
P.S. "we, we, we... eeehhhh, uhhhh... we, we"

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Estoy muy excited. A French Canadian is writing me. I like them. Mr. Powell hasn't said anything to me. Pienso that he is mad at me... He must not like pupusas.

Miguel? Oh he's still around. Just being un grande bebe.

EG

 
At 5:21 PM, Blogger Skye said...

I don't stop by here often, but whenever I do, you're always a very entertaining read. It's interesting to see our culture through a set of fresh eyes. I think that's true of anytime you remain in one place long enough. You get set in your ways, and you forget how it was to be new there. You will be that way one day too, mark my words :)

 
At 12:34 PM, Blogger RoarSavage said...

Already calling your novia's house your home, eh Guapo? She couldn't have been THAT big of a Republican, then, huh?
; )

 

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