Vegas Baby, Vegas Part II
Has anyone noticed a shortage of silicone and striped shirts?
Si? Well, they’re all in Las Vegas.
In all of my years, I have never seen so many silicone breasts in one location. No lifeguards are needed at the hotel pool because these chicas never have to worry about sinking. When several of them go out in the deep end they bob up and down like a plastic toy soldier every time a fake wave came by. If you drink too many Coronas with lime, you can just grab right on to them and wait for a wave to carry you to shore.
Do the Cuban refugees know about the buoyant properties of silicone breasts? Did they get that wire?
You may wonder if it was difficult for me to keep my eyes from straying in front of mi Linda. Bueno, at first it was. Then, something miraculous happened. Her gringa friends began playing a fantastic game called: Are they real or not? By playing this game I was suddenly able and allowed, without any guilt, to look at all the silicone in the world. I could even look at non-silicone tops under the guise of playing this most beautiful of games. I was the happiest Guatemalan (read: only) in all of Las Vegas.
I must find out if there are more gringa games that are similar in fashion to this.
Now, the only thing in Las Vegas that ruined the silicone was the abundance of striped shirts. Sometimes there were so many guys walking around in groups of striped shirts that I felt I was staring at one of those crazy posters that were cool in the early 1990’s. You know what I’m talking about. Those posters that make you lose focus for a second then a sailboat miraculously appears in front of you.
Well, I didn’t quite see a sailboat, but I did once hear the rebel yell: Long Island in Da House. Then, I passed out from the fumes of their hair gel and impostor cologne. Did you know that men from Long Island develop a skin condition where their skin is mysteriously orange? Why is this? Can someone explain? Also, why do they sit around and talk about their pecs instead of playing the Are they real or not? game? Please, someone explain this to me. I do not understand.
I love Las Vegas.
To be continued…