El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

Vegas Baby, Vegas Part II

Has anyone noticed a shortage of silicone and striped shirts?

Si? Well, they’re all in Las Vegas.

In all of my years, I have never seen so many silicone breasts in one location. No lifeguards are needed at the hotel pool because these chicas never have to worry about sinking. When several of them go out in the deep end they bob up and down like a plastic toy soldier every time a fake wave came by. If you drink too many Coronas with lime, you can just grab right on to them and wait for a wave to carry you to shore.

Do the Cuban refugees know about the buoyant properties of silicone breasts? Did they get that wire?

You may wonder if it was difficult for me to keep my eyes from straying in front of mi Linda. Bueno, at first it was. Then, something miraculous happened. Her gringa friends began playing a fantastic game called: Are they real or not? By playing this game I was suddenly able and allowed, without any guilt, to look at all the silicone in the world. I could even look at non-silicone tops under the guise of playing this most beautiful of games. I was the happiest Guatemalan (read: only) in all of Las Vegas.

I must find out if there are more gringa games that are similar in fashion to this.

Now, the only thing in Las Vegas that ruined the silicone was the abundance of striped shirts. Sometimes there were so many guys walking around in groups of striped shirts that I felt I was staring at one of those crazy posters that were cool in the early 1990’s. You know what I’m talking about. Those posters that make you lose focus for a second then a sailboat miraculously appears in front of you.

Well, I didn’t quite see a sailboat, but I did once hear the rebel yell: Long Island in Da House. Then, I passed out from the fumes of their hair gel and impostor cologne. Did you know that men from Long Island develop a skin condition where their skin is mysteriously orange? Why is this? Can someone explain? Also, why do they sit around and talk about their pecs instead of playing the Are they real or not? game? Please, someone explain this to me. I do not understand.

I love Las Vegas.

To be continued…

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 1:25 AM, Anonymous Mona said...

I had the most delicious produce from Guatemala yesterday - Fine stemmed broccoli - provided by my local supermarket in Scotland!

At 4:13 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I cannot believe you were the only Guatemalan in Las Vegas. Did you look in the kitchen? There is always a brown brother in the kitchen.

At 9:52 AM, Blogger Phil said...

Self-tanning cream explains the orange, but I cannot explain the homo-eroticism.

At 10:44 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Some friends and I used to play the game, "gay or just Latin?" Sorry El Guapo... But with all the Ricky Martin wannabes out there not too long ago, well... It was sometimes hard to tell! But it's ok, now they call it Metrosexual, so it's accepted.

At 10:45 AM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I think after the embargo was placed on Cuba, our American silicone breast implants are not able to be exported into Cuba. So something tells me they would not be hip to that procedure. Then again, they may be getting them from another country. I do not know.

At 3:09 PM, Blogger mysterygirl! said...

Your Long Island paragraph is priceless.

My friends and I played that game in Vegas, too, much to the delight of the husbands in attendance. Cheers all around.

At 4:15 PM, Blogger illomatic said...

I noticed you have alot of racist reading your page. But hey that's ok. All of your observations are exactly right probably because most female tourist (80%) in Las Vegas are from LA where plastic surgery is quite common. I like your page. Take it easy.


At 7:17 PM, Blogger Debby said...

My husband loves the fact that my friends and I play the "real or not" game. He usually plays with us because he used to manage a strip joint and he is actually very very good at the game.

Glad to hear you are having such a good time my friend!!

P.S. Yes it is definitely self-tanning lotion, and the funny thing is -- they think it makes them look soooo good, so snicker at them behind their backs!!!!!

At 2:26 AM, Anonymous Bob said...

El Guapo - Have you seen this? Dios mio! - please light some candles for this poor Chapin.

At 10:11 AM, Blogger Natalie said...

It's hilarious how these orange people find themselves so attractive. At least it's a departure from the old wa y of baking in the sun till your skin gets all leathery looking.

At 12:02 PM, Blogger Washington Cube said...

I gather El G won't be hitting Paris in Vegas. Actually, maybe he should and take some candles with him for the lounge.

At 7:49 PM, Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

I too play, "Are they real?" but only in a futile attempt to assuage my self esteem issues whenever I see a woman with breasts that are bigger and perkier than mine.

At 6:05 PM, Anonymous Callie said...

I want to make an El Guapo doll. Excuse me, G.I. Jose. I absolutely love your blog (just came across it recently through Velvet & AngryMan posts) and just wanted to let you know...

At 4:55 PM, Blogger Veronica said...

"Well, I didn’t quite see a sailboat, but I did once hear the rebel yell: Long Island in Da House."

I think that says it all.
Thanks for many smiles.


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