El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Tuesday, May 23, 2006

On the bookshelf

“Well, well, well. If it isn’t El Guapo. You’re not looking too guapo now. Look at you. You look pathetic. Oh, in case you forgot, mi nombre es Miguel.”

Miguel, go away.

“Ah, mira! He remembers mi nombre. Wow. Should I feel honored that El Guapo remembers my name?”

Miguel go away. En serio. My shoulder is killing me.

“Di-os Mi-o. Look at El Guapo. You don’t even have the common decency to call and tell me that you’re having surgery? I have to hear about it on the street?”

Miguel, it’s shoulder surgery. It was minor. I’ll be ok in a couple of days. Who cares?

“Oh, I seeeeee. Only shoulder surgery? Bueno, in that case…..”

Punches me in the shoulder

Jesus Christ!!! Estas loco? I just had surgery you crazy bastard!

“But it’s only shoulder surgery, El Guapo. It was minor. You’ll be ok in a couple of days. Who cares?”

Who let you in?

“I let myself in. The front door guy thought I was delivering food. Look at you. You have a front door guy. Here, I brought you pupusas.”

I’m not hungry.

“Oh, I see Mr. Front Door Man. Too good for the pupusas? Too good for the barrio? Is, is that a cat?”

Look, Miguel, I’m in a lot of pain. I can’t deal with this right now. And no, I’ll never be too good for pupusas. Vamos…. You’re seriously going to do this to me now?

“Remember when we used to be friends? Like, when we used to go out and pick up gringas? Remember those days?”

Miguel, you have got to get me a pain killer. They’re over there on the top of the bookshelf.

“Why are they on top of the bookshelf?”

Mi Linda says I’m getting addicted.

“Ave Maria…..,” he says while putting his face in both of his hands. “She’s hiding your pain pills from you? Ave Maria encantada…..”

She’s just looking out.

“Why is your hair so long, hombre? I haven’t seen your hair that long since you were 18! You’re looking greasy man. Come on, what did you always tell me about looking greasy?”

To not do it.

“Si, to not do it! Why is your hair so long? Is that your Linda’s doing as well?”

“Ave Maria encantada…. Remember when El Guapo used to have cojones? That was awesome. Remember that? No? Yeah, I can barely remember either. Oh, no, I’m not going to get the pain pills for you. Ask your pet cat to get them. El Guapo has a cat. Wow. Did you hear that? The great El Guapo has a cat.”

Miguel. En serio. Get me a pill man. I can’t open the bottle because it’s a child proof cap.

He gets up, gets a chair, walks over to the bookshelf and stares at the pictures while he props himself up to get the bottle.

“Who is this guy?”

One of her ex-boyfriends.

“Hmm. Why does she have a picture of her ex-boyfriend up when she’s with you?”

She’s still friends with him.

“Hmm. Do you have any pictures of your ex-girlfriends up?”


“Maybe you should put some up.”

I’m not friends with any of my exes.

“Hmmmm. Interesting. I like his blond hair and blue eyes. He seems nice. Maybe he'll be my friend too.”

Miguel, give me a pill.



“Si. But, what I will do, is take this one pill with me. This one pill is mine. It is payment for the last couple of months.”

Miguel, I’m seriously in a lot of pain.

“Here,” he says as he hands me the cat. “Give him a hug. I hear animals make pain go away. They used to bring dogs to visit mi abuela at the hospital. It only made her sneeze, but who knows, maybe the cat will make your pain go away. This pill, however, is para mi.”
Some friend you are Miguel.

“That’s right, El Guapo. I am some friend. Your BEST friend. Try not to forget that. Enjoy the gatito. I’m out. Mucho amor to you, bitch.”

Touché mi amigo. Touché.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 3:02 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

poor thing... I love boy talk about the girls. Men always brain wash e/o against us.
But nice to hear Miguel is back.. did he ever give you the pain killer.. that sob?

At 7:56 AM, Blogger P1P said...

Ouch! For the shoulder and the cold shoulder

At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

you have a girlfriend who has pictures of ex's...seriously!

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I have pictures of ex's, but I don't put them on a bookcase. They are in the pile with all the other pictures.

At 12:06 PM, Blogger jaymichaelrivera said...

Pobre Miguel. He and John Lovitz just want to be loved. Is that so bad? Well, not he AND John Lovitz, but I digress.

Man, that was funny. Reminds me of the ribbings I took from my drunk Irish friend Kelly over every girl I got serious with. Finally some girl came along and put him in check. They're now happily married with a dog and a fence. Moral of the story: There's a lid for every pot, as my grandmother says. Miguel will get his cat, too. And like it.

At 12:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Oh man, you kill me. Glad to see Miguel came back; he's obviously been missing his wing man. Or was he the wing man? Well, at least you got some pupusas out of it. And I'm sure if you beg enough, tu linda will give you some nice little pildoras. Nice, sweet, little white pildoras....mmmm...pildoras...

Get well soon compadre. Stay Guapo.

- Raincouver
P.S. That pic of the ex has got to go (hazme favor!)

At 4:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I couldnt agree with more Miguel more, what have you become El Guapo? Went from Pimp Stud, who macked on all women, to a drug addicted long hair, who tolerates pictures of Ex boyfriends, Miguel ijust wants whats best for his friend and to hang out with you without your linda for a change. Easy on those pain killers or you could be on some 60 minutes special breaking into CVSs.

At 7:48 PM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Looks like some of mis amigos have made their way onto mi blog. You will always be able to tell them apart from others by their grammatical and spelling errors. Regardless, I still love them all.


At 1:28 AM, Blogger sara said...

Get well soon!

At 10:51 AM, Blogger Cheetarah1980 said...

now that's what i call sympathy!

At 2:11 PM, Blogger Phil said...

Thank goodness he did not find the Dan Quayle book.

At 3:58 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

With friends like Miguel, who needs evil Argentinean shoulder surgeons? Hang in there, El Guapo. Get well soon, buddy.

At 5:49 PM, Blogger Superstar said...

ex's pics belong on a dart borad...;o) not that I am a Chica Loca or anything...It was that or a vooddoo doll... (evil laugh here...ha ha ha ha ha)

At 3:35 PM, Blogger DC Cookie said...

Feel better, amigo!

At 4:52 PM, Blogger Reya Mellicker said...

Even minor surgery sucks. Hope your shoulder is soon back to your el guapo standards of excellence.

At 9:51 PM, Blogger RoarSavage said...

Tell Miguel that real friends understand...


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