El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Monday, May 29, 2006

Porque Nebraska?

Why in the name of all that is holy would Brazilians make their way to the state of Nebraska? Porque? No entiendo.

I am told that Brazil is a beautiful country full of beautiful people and customs. Mi Linda is half-Brazilian and it is mi opinion that she represents her half of herself with perfection. Her other half, whatever mix of European blood it is, thanks everything that is holy that they were able to say they now have a Brazilian in their midst.

Why am I speaking about Brazil and Nebraska? Bueno, this last weekend I had embarked on a trip to meet mi Linda’s familia. Her half Brazilian familia, who happen to live in Nebraska. I know, I didn’t know it was a state either…..

We took an airplane to Lincoln, a city, I imagine, was named after the American President who abolished slavery. In mi mind, you name a city after a man like this, you’re going to see a true melting pot of a city. Bueno, how do I put this without sounding crude? The last time I saw more blonde hair and blue eyes was the time that Miguel’s direct TV was stuck on a Swedish TV channel. Oh, yes, they all wore red. Almost 80% of the people in this strange place wore red t-shirts with the picture of corn. They must be very proud to show what they like to eat. No entiendo.

Ok, keep your head up El Guapo. If a Brazilian family thought that it was a good place to raise children, then it can’t be that bad. They lived in a city called Grand Island. Now, I wasn’t aware of Nebraska being a real state in the first place, but it further amazed me that there was an island of a city in the middle of the United States. I wondered what the waters surrounding this island city would be like…

Her father, a gringo, met us at airport with his 6’5” frame and a green hat with a picture of a deer named John. He did not have a mustache. This surprised me because he was somehow able to attract a Brazilian woman. Muy interesante.

You could see that mi Linda was her daddy’s little girl and that she could do no wrong by him. It was nice to see this relationship, but I still wondered how he was able to attract a Brazilian without a mustache.

“So, El Guapo, I understand you’re Guatemalan.”

Yes sir.

“How’s your Portuguese coming?”

Slowly but surely.

“Don’t worry buddy, I still don’t have it down after almost 30 years.”

That makes me feel much better sir.

Is being called "buddy" a good thing or a bad thing? I wanted to call Miguel so that he could help me out with this one, but I couldn't.

I really wanted to ask him how he was able to attract a Brazilian woman without a mustache and I couldn’t stop thinking about this. I believe I suffered what the gringo people call a “panic attack” and mi madre calls “overreacting” when I couldn’t stop thinking about this.

Instead of asking him this most pressing question, I decided to look out of the window. When Dios made this land, it was during a moment of lost inspiration. I tell you, I have never seen a land so devoid of originality in mi vida. It was simply flat. All that was around was corn, corn, corn, and then a family of Mexicans drove by in their truck.

How did I know they were Mexican? Well, I was told that there were some Latinos in Nebraska, but what gave it away was the large Mexican flag sticker plastered perfectly on their truck window. Chicano! Represent, Represent.

Still, how could there be an island city in between all of this corn? How could a man attract a Brazilian woman without a mustache? Were there any Guatemalans in this “state”? Why does everybody wear red?

These were questions that I would soon have answered….

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 11:41 PM, Blogger Velvet said...

El Guapo in Nebraska. Oh boy. There are many other states I could have explained, having been to 43 of the 50. Unfortunately, Nebraska is one of the 7 I have yet to visit...sorry mi amor.

At 9:23 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Maybe he used to have a moustache. but he gave up and shaved it off when he realised yours was better and he couldnt win

At 9:31 AM, Anonymous bigantone88 said...

Why not Nebraska? I am a native of the great state that you are speaking about so I feel it is my obligation to answer your questions.

Red is the color of choice of Nebraska due to our love for the University of Nebraska Cornhuskers. On Saturdays in the fall, our love is displayed in Lincoln for Husker football games as the "Sea of Red." Trust me, a life changing experience.

Grand Island is named as such because it was originally located on an island on the Platte River.

Our Nebraska charm allows us to attract women without a mustache. I will teach you, El Guapo.

Velvet, you have an open invitation to come back with me anytime.

At 2:07 PM, Blogger Velvet said...

Bigantone - Ooh! And crank up my list of "states visited" to 44? That is tempting. I like a challenge.

At 2:18 PM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

Interview the latinos and find out why in the world they would move to Nebraska and make sure to report back to us your findings. .ooo and good luck w/ your portugese.



At 2:35 PM, Blogger Debby said...

Since big has so thoughtfully explained the fascination with the color red, I won't have to. I am married a Nebraskan born and bred so I am well-versed in the subject. Unfortunately, he is soon to uproot me from my home state of NY and move me there myself (say in the next three weeks). Somebody help me please!!!!!

Good luck Guapo - it won't last long.

At 3:28 PM, Blogger Transplanted Lawyer said...

I was recently in your neighborhood, El Guapo, marvelling at the diversity. So here we learn that you were visiting Nebraska! Enjoy your trip, eat a good steak, and hurry home because the Midwest just isn't nearly as interesting as the big city.

At 3:48 PM, Blogger jaymichaelrivera said...

The reason Mexicans would be in Nebraska? Meat packing plants!

I have a good friend who started working in a Nebraska meat packing plant when he was 14. He said he actually painted stubble on his face so he would pass as 18. Somehow, the lady doing the hiring bought it and he worked there for a while, even standing on a box so he could hack away, or whatever it is people do in those plants.

At 3:58 PM, Blogger Raincouver said...

El Guapo,
John Deere, if memory serves, was a well loved governor of the proud and sovereign state of Nebraska. It was he who connected Grand Island with the mainland by draining the Platte river to irrigate the corn fields. If NE had its own currency, it would be red and have the picture of Mr. Deere on the front.
Have a good trip!

At 9:08 PM, Anonymous restaurant gal said...

So, were you able to eat anything in Nebraska? Once, in my previous life, I had to write about Omaha--you know, land of great steaks and such? I couldn't find a decent--or even mediocre--restaurant during my three days there (yes, three days in Omaha...). Maybe you are in Lincoln. Maybe you will have better luck and enjoy being "corn fed."

Best, The Gal


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