El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Monday, September 11, 2006

Voting

Washington DC is holding its mayoral elections on September 12. Tomorrow. Are you excited? Calm yourself, damn it. This isn’t the time to act like a Peruvian cheerleader on meatloaf Wednesday! This is politics! This is the time to be serious.

Serious? No, not really. In mi opinion, the DC mayoral race is very much like any high school student body president election, you always get promised a soda machine in the lunchroom, but always have to settle for a second-hand drinking fountain instead.

But, like any high school election, we all have to act like we believe the candidates are going to actually make a difference.

So who gets my vote this year? Take a look at the candidates. Can you believe this? I know you had the same thought that I did: Not one Latino candidate! But then, I looked closer and realized something that few people had realized. Adrian Fenty is Latino.

There is something that Latino mothers sometimes do when they have children born in the United States: they Americanize names. Roberto becomes Robert; Miguel becomes Michael; Alberto becomes Albert and so on and so on.

There are some mothers who buck this trend and find American names that go back and forth between two worlds, like, for example, Adrian. In English, well, you know how to pronounce it. In Spanish, it becomes Adrrrrriiiiiiahn. It’s sexier in Spanish, but it does the trick.

I told Miguel about my theory and he was amazed. For once, he was amazed about something I said.

“El Guapo, I don’t think he’s Latino, but I think he’s the perfect politician. He was made for politics. He won’t scare the gringos too much. He’s black, but not too black, so this makes the average white person subconsciously think he has some white heritage and, again, like him more because they can tell themselves that they aren’t racist because they support a black man. The African-American community may wonder why he is light skinned, but see that he will push for their issues because at the end of the day, he is, still, a black man. The Latino community, like you, will wonder if he is in fact Latino because of his name and his complexion. He probably speaks a couple of key words in Spanish. I tell you, it is genius.”

So, you’re going to vote for him?

“No. I don’t vote.”

Figures.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

8 Comments:

At 1:37 PM, Anonymous Not voting either said...

Very true el G. Muy bueno.

 
At 2:25 PM, Blogger Kim Ayres said...

That Chris Otten looks like some kind of Surfer Dude type. you don't get many of them in British politics.

I can't think of that many Latinos for that matter either.

 
At 6:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is Miguel an actual person or is it your alter ego?

It seems Miguel gets to do and say what is on all of our minds.

 
At 1:54 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

I will be swinging through the DC area on Wednesday. I wouldn't mind finding a good pupusa.

 
At 4:05 PM, Blogger Veronica said...

El Guapo for Mayor!

 
At 11:07 PM, Blogger Dennis! said...

Actually the election today was the primaries. Theoretically, a Republican (or Independent or whatever) could mount a campaign and defeat Fenty in the general election in a few months.

Yeah, I don't think so either.

 
At 3:06 AM, Anonymous Don't Hate Me said...

I wouldn't put much faith into the DC mayoral elections. Afterall, the fine District of Columbians re-elected Marion Barry after the infamous crack bust in 1990. I mean all I have to say is "Goddamn bitch set me up!"

 
At 9:48 AM, Blogger Palestinian Princess said...

True about Adrian, and did you notice the people behind him? He has everything, black, white, latino.... truly genius!

 

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