El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Wednesday, September 06, 2006


“El Guapo, Eddy wants to meet us for dinner tonight. He has something he wants to tell us.”

I like Eddy. He’s that friend who mysteriously disappears for months at a time only to reappear without skipping a beat, as if he hadn’t been gone at all. In my single days I liked to have Eddy around because he always had a horde of women with him. Everywhere we went the ladies would run to him to hug and kiss the famous Eddy.

What does he want to talk to us about?

“Who knows with that chico? I just hope he’s not selling Amway. Mi tia pulled a fast one on me with that Amway crap. Look, I don’t want to buy your stupid soap!”

Amway is a touchy subject with Miguel. Anyway, we left about 10 minutes later than our agreed upon meeting time. Late, you may be wondering to yourself for two reasons: 1) We’re Latino and late by nature; 2) Eddy is always later than everyone else.

We arrive and take our usual booth in the back, sitting across from each other. Miguel gives me a humorous look when we both realize that Eddy has yet to arrive. I order a Miller Light, but changed to Corona after getting a look from Miguel. Where is Eddy?

“Who decided to let criminals into this fine establishment?”

Ah, here was Eddy is all of his glory. Eddy always puts a smile on everyone’s face when he’s around. He was just blessed with being Guatemalan and extremely personable. We loudly lock hands and hug like two brothers who haven’t seen each other in a long time.

“El Guapo, you’re looking guapo as always and Miguel, Miguel, bueno, you’re a good kid.”

“Ha, ha, Eddy, you disappear for weeks then come right back making fun of me. So what’s the big news? Are you going to be a daddy?”

“Sit down boys. Let me go ahead and tell my two amigos a story.”

We sit down and are expecting Eddy to tell us about his latest escapade. He’s a great story teller who usually has us gasping for air with his descriptions and impressions. Eddy is one of those people who can get out of any uncomfortable situation with his sense of humor. Miguel slides over towards the wall as Eddy scooches in next to him.

He puts his hands on the table, takes a deep breath and says,

“I’m gay.”

Miguel and I were caught smiling at him as we had been expecting to laugh. I looked up at Miguel and his smile was frozen. The interesting thing is that I doubt he was surprised. I say this because I wasn’t surprised. It all made a little more sense to me now, but I wasn’t ready for this announcement. In the Latino community, you will call someone “well-mannered” or “with good culture” before you call someone gay.

“So, does this mean you want to make out with me now? Slap my ass?”

Well, if anyone is going to break an uncomfortable silence it’s Miguel.

“Are you going to start wearing a lot of plaid and tell me my clothes are out of season?”

This kid….

“You’re pretty fast, Eddy, are you going to enter those drag queen races in Dupont Circle next year?”

“Miguel, you’re an ass.”

“What? Did you think we didn’t know you were gay? It’s only taken you 25 years to tell us?”

“I never knew how you guys would react.”

“Amigo, you’re the most color coordinated person in the world. I always see the look on your face when I wear flannel in the summer. You hang around the most beautiful women in the world and I know you’ve never touched them. And while we’re on the subject, I saw you one night with your collar popped. I don’t care if you’re gay or not, don’t pop your fucking collar. That’s the gayest thing in the world.”

Agreed. Don’t pop the collar man. You’re gay and Latino. Please. You need to give yourself a chance for people to like you a little bit.

“You breeders love the stereotypes. I never popped my collar!”

“Breeders? Is that some kind of gay world word? Mira Eddy, we’re all breeders. Don’t make me slap you.”

What Eddy did was pretty courageous. Many homosexuals in the Latino community rarely come out of the closet to their family and friends because of the negative stigma around it. Miguel and I make up part of the new, more liberal generation of Latinos in the United States who are open to new ideas and ways of life. In the end, a friend is a friend.

“I thought you guys would be weird about it.”

“Why? Mira, you will always be mi amigo and mi hermano, regardless of where you put your burrito. Just admit that I’m cuter than El Guapo.”

“In your dreams Miguel.”

In your dreams is right.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo


At 3:01 PM, Anonymous p said...

I wish I knew you guys!

A friend is a friend indeed.


At 3:26 PM, Blogger Christopher Robin said...

I can only imagine the stress Eddy had been under. It's good to see that attitudes are changing and every generation is getting better and better at accepting people for who they are.

Thanks for sharing the news.

At 5:38 PM, Anonymous Sweet said...

'Regardless of where you put your burrito.' Love that quote! Good for him, and I'm glad you guys are such cool friends to him.

At 5:48 PM, Blogger Law-Rah said...

I agree with Sweet, that was my favorite part of this post. And props to you and Miguel!

At 10:53 PM, Blogger whiskypants said...

Miguel better not be some sort of literary device. He's my favorite!

At 12:57 AM, Anonymous aurea said...

Great post, El Guapo!

We Filipinos are known for always being late, too.

And this is so sweet: "Mira, you will always be mi amigo and mi hermano, regardless of where you put your burrito."

At 3:37 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

generally love the blog.

comments drive me fing crazy tho.

feeling grouchy

At 9:31 AM, Blogger rock_ninja said...

Guatemalan AND personable? Isn't that redundant?

At 10:21 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I normally love hearing the burns on the Argentians (one of my friends is from the nation), but this was a great post. Kudos for supporting your amigo

At 10:28 AM, Blogger kschic said...

Now that's a story I like to hear. One of acceptance and understanding without passing judgement. Good for you guys. That must have been hard for him! Love your stories btw.

At 11:20 AM, Anonymous VV said...

Very good story. It is so hard for some people to tell their friends these things, I am glad you were cool about it with your friend. And I really love the drag queen races comment.

It was very hard for my parents when my sibling "came out" but like you and Miguel, we all knew. My actual reaction was the suitably obnoxious sibling response: "No shit, Sherlock"

It really seems like you are a pretty especial persona. Me gusta mucho su blog. Muchas gracias to su amigo a waiter rant for the link. Ok, that is it for my rusty Spanish unless, I need to find the bathroom, or tell you I am in the library.

Have a great day!

At 11:42 AM, Blogger Andraste said...

Another great post, El G! And...ahem...yes, the burrito line made me spit coffee.

At 1:50 PM, Blogger Rev. Smokin Steve said...

Being gay is definitely better than selling Amway products.

At 2:50 PM, Blogger jali said...

Sweet story.

Oh... Black folks are NEVER late. Just saying.

At 12:16 PM, Anonymous Big Tone said...

'I saw you one night with your collar popped. I don’t care if you’re gay or not, don’t pop your fucking collar. That’s the gayest thing in the world.'

I could not have said it any better myself. Just like acid wash jeans, we are going to be laughing at this "fad" in about 10 years

At 9:42 PM, Blogger Foilwoman said...

Here's how out of it I am: what does 'popping your collar' mean? I can't picture this stylistic *cough* innovation.


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