El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Wednesday, September 13, 2006

I dream of an arrest

I dream a lot.

I had a dream last night that I was pulled over by a very white state trooper and arrested for having a blood alcohol level of 2.5. Now, I’m not a scientist and wasn’t one in this particular dream, but I know that a BAC of 2.5 is impossible. I had read an article a while back about the lethal blood alcohol level being around 0.55 and knew he was wrong. I tried to tell the trooper this (in my dream) and didn’t really get anywhere:

“Sir, please step out of the car. You just blew a 2.5.”

A 2.5? Um, sir, not to call your little black machine there broken, but that’s impossible. I didn’t even drink today.

“Sir, I’m just telling you what the breathalizer is telling me and it’s telling me that you’re drunk. Besides, you were driving erratically. Please step out of the car.”

Of course I was driving erratically! I’m Latino. I don’t know how to drive without swerving. It’s a neurological thing.

“Officer 492, request for back-up. Latino male resisting arrest.”

Then he handcuffed me. Then I woke up.

Most people wouldn’t worry about this dream, but I come from the Latino school of believing that all dreams mean something. What does this dream mean?

I started writing down my dreams moments after waking up several years ago. Sometimes they mean nothing and then other times it gives me a window or a different perspective into what is happening in my life.

Then I realized that I’m going to be going out of town tomorrow, I’m going to Austin, Texas. I’m pretty sure that a lot of drinking is going to be involved. Why do I know this? Well, mi Linda is dragging me to a music festival where I’m sure there will be bad music. Not all bad music, but knowing mi Linda, I’ll be listening to some gringo singing about his Thunderbird, Chevy or both. I know that alcohol isn’t the answer, but it dulls the pain. A Thunderbird shouldn’t be put to music. That’s a belief I have.

Right now I’m convinced that I’m going to be arrested in Austin, Texas. If it was any other state, I wouldn’t be worried, but Texas scares me. The state warns you not to mess with it with signs every other mile. I’m afraid people. So, here we go. For my readers in Texas, I have a favor to ask you.

If you happen to see a ridiculously good looking Guatemalan with a perfect mustache being arrested for blowing a 2.5, please, please, come to his aid.

Austin City Limits here I come.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

PS: I will try to blog from Texas, but I’m not sure if I will be given access to the Internet from jail.

23 Comments:

At 11:35 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

hahaha i'l bail you out el guapo nice pictures

 
At 11:42 PM, Blogger J-G said...

Ay caray, El G, it's only Texyss... at least you didn't dream about GOATS. (Did you?) I'd say continue your Quest in Texas for The Perfect Chips. But if you need a lawyer, let us know, too.

 
At 12:05 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

mate, you can't diss John Butler like that. Maybe that should lock you up!

I can't imagine him singing about Thunderbirds or Chevy's, he's lived here in Oz for half his life.

Maybe not the best choice of picture. He's not there this year anyway :-(

 
At 12:16 AM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

Ouch. I had no idea. I'm sorry if I offended any of my Australians. I'll make myself eat Vegemite tonight for punishment.

 
At 1:51 AM, Blogger El Guapo in DC said...

There, try that picture on for size. I don't think he's Australian.

 
At 5:10 AM, Blogger P1P said...

The dream means you will be tazered for "havin' a smart mouth, boy. hyuck hyuck hyuck".

I suggest you stash a packet of tobacco far up your backside now. If you are as pretty as you say you wont last five minutes in prison unless you have some currency to buy the protection of some psychopath. Of course, you may be there some time so you will need as much tobacco as possible. How much can you get up there with a long stick?

Bear in mind that the "boss" will ass search you. He will probably then go home and replay that moment forever while wearing his wifes panties.

Good luck dude

 
At 9:27 AM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

I think you were dreaming of Marion Barry- as yourself.

 
At 10:34 AM, Blogger Mel said...

When you dream that something happens to yourself it's supposed to mean that it's going to happen to someone close to you.

 
At 1:55 PM, Blogger Not Relaxed said...

You should put up a donate button so we can get your bail taken care of right now.

When they tell you to squeal like a piggy don't do it. It just makes it worse. I don't want to talk about it.

 
At 3:33 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

South by Southwest is a very famous music festival in Austin. You will have a great time. There are Latinos there.

 
At 4:24 PM, Blogger Andraste said...

If it IS South X Southwest that you're going to, you WILL have fun and hear some great music.

That's the only thing that would make me even THINK about setting foot in Texas.

I'll light a candle for you.

 
At 4:39 PM, Blogger Head Like Velvet said...

El Guapo I am a just a humble gringo girl from Texas and I believe you will not be harmed and will actuality have a very good time. Given your superior Guatemalen genes, you will outshine many of the people in attendance of the event. Austin is a very good place to visit.

 
At 4:40 PM, Blogger Head Like Velvet said...

I mean "IN actuality" ...

 
At 4:56 PM, Blogger class-factotum said...

The good thing about going to Texas is that they are used to latino driving there, too. Just leave your turn signal on but don't do anything about it -- like actually turn. You'll fit right in. Te amaran, po!

(Maybe they'll sing a song about a marijuana-smoking cockroach...)

 
At 5:11 PM, Blogger Sharon said...

Hey, don't worry. We're not that bad here in Austin. And it's not like you'll be the only Latino here... Relax, enjoy the festival and take cabs.

But JUST IN CASE... I do have a good friend who is a DWI attorney.

 
At 6:00 PM, Blogger C'est la vie!! said...

Cool!! You are coming here...to my town!! for the Austin city Limits festival I presume....well, if u see a short, pretty, and bodacious mexicana, that's me!!....

Austin is fun but cops are tough...watch ur back.

 
At 11:47 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

ahhh!! El Guapo! be very careful! I was once almost arrested there for driving after drinking at a bad event that my gf dragged me to! and the cops are NOT cool! many of them are rookies, and they all have a rep for shoot first and ask questions later. be carefull!!!!

 
At 1:48 AM, Blogger Jeremy said...

Do not, while in Austin, take a leak on Capitol property. Even if you think no one is watching, even if you really really have to go, even if you think you're in the darkest corner of downtown Austin, even if you don't realize you're on capitol property. Because you'll end up in a cruiser, which is pretty close to jail and a damned expensive ticket.
Just thought I'd pass that on as I only wish someone would have for me a few months ago.

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger Dennis! said...

Hey, did you hear the Dog got arrested? As the only other person I know of who actually watches that show, I thought I'd share.

 
At 3:43 PM, Blogger Isabella Snow said...

1. Austin isn't like the rest of Texas. It's very liberal. And plenty of Latinos. Don't worry. And SXSW is in the spring, not the fall. ;)

2. I'm so sorry to say this (now that I see you are straight!) but I originally starting reading this post because I saw the line "you blew a 2.5" and I immediately needed to know how any could score so badly on a bl*wj*b.

Sorry. Mind in the gutter..........

 
At 7:07 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I dreamt that Lionel Richie was sexually harassing my sister and I after a Fall Out Boy concert.

strangest. dream. ever.

 
At 2:09 AM, Blogger Rebecca said...

Have you been arrested yet? Inquiring minds want to know.

 
At 7:51 PM, Blogger Namaste said...

ooooh, dreams do mean something, mi amor. cuidado con la tequilla mas final!

 

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