El Guapo in DC

I am El Guapo. The most Guapo man in all of DC. Mucho Amor

Thursday, August 31, 2006

The Arfani shirt

“El Guapo, look at this.”

Miguel walks over and hands me his colorful, striped shirt that he wears on big dates. He has the dry cleaners bag pulled up to the top and I secretly wish the plastic was black because the colors burn my retina.

You have a date?

“Of course I have a date El Guapo. Have you seen me lately? Pay attention! Look at this shirt. Look what they did to the buttons.”

I grabbed the shirt and saw that several of the shirt buttons looked chalky. I touched one and it crumbled.

Looks like you have cheap buttons.

“Eres un idiota. I’m going to the dry cleaners. They’re paying for this shirt.”

I like it when Miguel gets angry. It is probably wrong for me to say this, but I get in a good mood whenever mi amigo feels the need for vindication. Does this make me a bad person?

“Look, my buttons were fine before I brought them here. I’m not sure what kind of crazy stuff you’re doing in the back, but it’s your fault that the buttons are like this.”

The Korean gentleman puts on his glasses and carefully inspects the buttons.

“Cheap button. Not my fault!”

Without even looking my way, Miguel forcefully points my way as a warning to not say “I told him that.” I did though. I just needed him to admit that. This was such a perfect moment in my life. Miguel’s veins were starting to pop out of his neck and in a couple of moments, there it is, he would begin tapping his front teeth together, a nervous habit he’s had for years. From past experience, I took a step back.

“These are not cheap buttons! This is an Arfani shirt. That’s Italiano, get it? I want money for this shirt.”

“No refund! Not my fault.”

Miguel put his palms on the counter, looked to the side with closed eyes and took a deep breath. Was he going to throw the man across the room? Was he going to rant and rave for 10 minutes about the dry cleaning mafia?

“Ok, fine, then just give me money back the cleaning of the shirt.”

“No refund! Not my fault.”

Mi amigo is getting old. What he asked for was fair. I mean, it would be $2 at the most, right?

“Fine.” Miguel grabbed his shirt and stormed out of the shop leaving me uncomfortably in the corner.

That was it? I walked over here for a “fine”? What kind of gringo move was this? Where is his Latinoness? This is a sad moment for me. Then, I see Miguel showing his shirt to a woman about to enter the store.

“Don’t go in there. Look what they did to my shirt. They will ruin your clothes.”

The woman looked at his shirt then walked to the shop a couple of doors down.

“THIS PLACE RUINS YOUR CLOTHES! DO NOT GO IN HERE! COME AND LOOK AT MY ARFANI SHIRT THEY RUINED.”

That’s mi amigo. The Korean gentleman looked at me in a way that asked what he should do. I mean, what do you do when a Latino is screaming while toting Joseph's Technicolor Arfani shirt in front of your store?

I’d give him the money.

He reached into the cash register and quickly handed me one dollar.

Come on. Give him five.

He hesitated for a moment then cringed when he heard Miguel approach yet another customer with his “designer” shirt. Then, he gave me a five.

I walked out and handed him the money. He grabbed the note slammed it against the storefront window and yelled, “Gracias mi amor!”

I guess the Latinoness was just taking a break. Miguel too does not let the man keep him down.

Mucho Amor,

El Guapo

16 Comments:

At 2:44 PM, Blogger Not Relaxed said...

I think the Koreans at the Laundry near my apartment are stealing my boxers. I'm seriously missing 2 pairs of black boxers. This concerns me deeply. Who steals used undergarments? Not anyone who I want having my boxers that's for sure.

 
At 5:10 PM, Blogger Mommy de Gallo said...

We use a Vietnamese dry cleaner, and my husband always takes our daughter in with him for the ladies to awww and coo over. I think they give him a discount.

 
At 6:08 PM, Anonymous Mamasita said...

Miguel is the man

 
At 7:20 PM, Blogger casey said...

Where would we be without Miguel?

 
At 12:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm a member of the dry cleaner mafia and if you don't remove this post right away, I will be forced to take down your site...permanently.

 
At 3:33 AM, Blogger jaymichaelrivera said...

I don't know what is funnier, the chalky buttons, the Johnny-one-note proprieter ("not my fault!"), or the fact that Miguel is cursed with the same Latino renaming disease from which my Mexicana madre suffers. She, too, calls Macy's flagship brand "Arfani," "Arfano" "Armani," "Hermano," and every other variant under the Tequila sun. Aye, mi gente!

 
At 5:47 AM, Anonymous amy said...

Miguel knows how to get his way. he rocks.

 
At 8:17 AM, Anonymous La Hembra said...

He's back on the list.

 
At 8:32 AM, Anonymous just saying said...

I would hope that Miguel used the $5 to buy some quality buttons for his shirt.

But realistically I know that he really used that money to buy another striped shirt.

 
At 9:16 AM, Blogger Palestinian Princess said...

Miguel did what any self respecting latino would have done: you don't give me a refund? I ruin your business. I swear, sometimes I think you're making things up! Way to go Miguel! We dominicans salute you.

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger Eric said...

hell hath no fury like a pissed off latino whos buttons are messed up on a his going out shirt

 
At 9:48 PM, Anonymous circumlocutor said...

I need Miguel to confront my dry cleaner w/ broken buttons for me.

 
At 10:51 PM, Blogger avocadoinparadise said...

Lol! Great stories. Entertaining every time I visit. In fact, I'm going to link to you in my sidebar if that's ok...

 
At 6:20 PM, Blogger Namaste said...

hee hee

 
At 2:51 AM, Blogger Facinacion said...

Just saying that:
Disagree. I think he'll use the 5 bucks for condoms from priceclub.

 
At 1:49 AM, Blogger Term Papers said...

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