Miguel, Yogurt y No Spoons
Miguel came over today as he does most days to eat my food. I have a better selection of food he says. Why doesn’t he buy the same things that I buy? He says that he forgets. He never washes the dishes after he leaves. He comes over, eats, talks and leaves. A real amigo that one.
Today, he was eating my yogurt. He likes yogurt. Banana.
“I like this banana yogurt, El Guapo. It’s the one name of a fruit that is the same. No one can make fun of me for the way I say it.”
I was actually out of spoons today. They were dirty, in the sink. Miguel, bless his heart, ate my yogurt with a knife.
You’re that lazy that you can’t wash out a spoon? You have to eat it with a knife?
“El Guapo, that’s the difference between you and me. You, bueno, you wash out the spoon. Not me. I eat yogurt with a knife. Just an ejemplo of how I live life on the edge.”
Do you eat soup with a machete?
“You have soup?”
This week, when he wasn’t pilfering my food, he bought a new wallet. Miguel is able to buy nice things for himself because he saves money on food.
Why am I telling you this today? Bueno, today I did something that I haven’t done in a very long time. Let me just say that many years ago I was a different person. Guapo as always, but different with mi vida. I have chosen a different path since then, but the skills acquired from that period in mi vida remain. Now, only used as party tricks and as practical jokes. So, anyway, before Miguel left, I borrowed his wallet.
In part, this is your fault, because I now feel the need to share what I find amusing with you:
Is this not the ugliest wallet you have ever seen in your entire life? I feel this wallet gives you a very good idea of Miguel. Only a “Miguel” could have such a wallet. It is so unnecessarily big that it doesn’t fit in any of his pant pockets. He claims it is made of crocodile, but I believe it to be made from some sort of rat. It is so obscene that people laugh when he pulls it out.
Me? No, I don’t laugh. Because only a man who eats yogurt with a knife can have such a wallet. Solamente un Miguel...